Rarukai

A Story by David Jae

Excerpt from my latest story, Rarukai. With his Dojo facing closure, Sosa enters the Rarukai Tournament to earn the money he needs to save his home.

'You alright?' Tomiji asked and Sosa looked up from the punching bag, stifling the grimace on his face with an effort.
'...I'm fine.'
'Uh-huh. How's your shoulder?'
'Like you care!' Sosa snapped, delivering another combination that sent the bag rocking on it's chain.
'Actually, I do. You need to sit this one out, Sosa. You're in no condition and...'
'Bet you'd like that, wouldn't you? Another chance for you to show off?'
'Sure. But, that's not the only reason. You're not going to be any good to us if you keep...' Tomiji began, just as a voice came over the intercom.
'All Quarter Finalists please report to the Arena. All Quarter Finalists...
'I'm fine.' Sosa repeated, pushing past him and heading for the door. 'Come on. Let's go.'
'Sosa...wait...' Tomiji began, but Sosa ignored him, slamming the door shut behind him.
D****t...

QUARTER FINALS
ROUND 1

Sosa Fujita Seika Shibuya
Tomiji Nakazawa VS Yoringo Go
Kayu Kitigawa Danjuro Seno

Tomiji shook his head as Sosa stepped into the ring, before moving to kneel on the sidelines next to Kayu, who was sitting ramrod straight, her hands clenched in her lap. Tomiji was about to ask if she was okay when the announcer started speaking.
'And here we are, folks. The first of the Quarter Final rounds. First up, we have Sosa Fujita vs Seika Shibuya. Both fighters have done well so far, but the shoulder injury that Sosa's took in the last round prove a liability? Well, we're about to find out...'
Seika offered a bow to Sosa, his sleeveless white gi revealing broad shoulders and muscular forearms that were in contrast to his shaved head and calm expression. The buzzer sounded and Sosa stepped forward, delivering a powerful right kick to Seika's shoulder. He blocked the blow and Sosa stepped in close to deliver a hook kick to his side, knocking him back with a grunt.
'And Sosa scores the first point. So far, kicks haven't been a major part of his strategy. Maybe his shoulder is affecting him more than he's willing to let on... And Seika goes on the offensive with a powerful haymaker that takes Sosa by surprise. Sosa blocks and...he's down. Seika picks up two points.That shoulder must really be hurting by now...'
D****t...Come on. Focus.
Gritting his teeth, Sosa struggled back to his feet and advanced towards Seika.
'But, it's not slowing him down. Leg-scissor take down and Seika's out. Will Sosa keep fighting or...'
'Time Out!' Tomiji yelled, running over to Sosa and kneeling by his side.
'What's this? Sosa's own teammate is calling for a Time Out...'
'What the hell are you doing?' Sosa snarled, pushing Tomiji aside and trying to rise, collapsing back to the mat with a groan of pain.
'Helping you out. Come on, you've got them on the ropes. Time Out is two minutes. Let me strap your shoulder again and you're good to go.'
'...alright.' Sosa said and Tomiji helped him to his feet and out of the ring, sitting him down on the bench. 'Kayu, come and check his shoulder, will you?'
'What are you...?' Sosa began as Tomiji turned to the referee.
'Substitution.'
'Whoa. Looks like Tomiji's using the Time Out to take Sosa's place. In cases of injury, it's permissible, but will the official agree?'
The referee nodded and Tomiji stepped into the ring, raising his fist to the crowd, getting another cheer as a dark-haired man in a black gi tied with a red belt rose from the other side of the ring.
'Tomiji replaces Sosa and Danjuro comes in. With two fresh fighters and the score at 3-2, this fight is far from over. And Tomiji wastes no time. Forward flip to reverse leg sweep takes Danjuro down. Is it over...?'
'D****t,' Sosa muttered, 'he's gonna blow the score...argh.'
'Sorry.' Kayu murmured as she re-tightened his bandage, Sosa grimacing as Tomiji knelt down to deliver a punch to Danjuro's chest. As his fist drew back, Danjuro rolled left, the punch striking the mat where he'd been. Grabbing Tomiji's arm, Danjuro swept his legs from under him and coming to his feet in one smooth movement.
'Danjuro gets the reversal, bringing the score to 5-4. And he wastes no time going on the offensive. Tomiji takes a blow to the ribs. Is this it? No! Tomiji's flying kick catches Danjuro off-guard. It's over...'

'Don't you ever do that again!' Sosa snarled as soon as they stepped out of the Arena, pushing Tomiji back against the wall. 'How dare you...'
'Me?' Tomiji snapped. 'What about you? We're supposed to be a team, remember?
How long do you think you can keep pushing yourself so hard without...'
'I could have taken them!'
'Right. Because it's all about you...'
'You're a fine one to talk, seeing how you love being the centre of attention...'
'You know what, forget it! You think you can do this alone? Fine. I'm outta here.'
'Tomiji...' Kayu said, but he turned and stormed out of the Arena without looking back.

© 2015 David Jae

Author's Note

Still a work in progress. Reviews, comments and constructive criticism very welcome.

My Review

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Reviews

McKenzie J Chatterton

Interesting beginning, I was intrigued by Sosas character almost straight away. I can tell hes a prideful person by his actions and responses. This would make a wonderful book

Posted 8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much. I appreciate the feedback.

David Jae

If you enjoyed this, would you mind reading and leaving a review of my newest book on Amazon kindle.

You can find it if you search "Shanghai Tiger" on the Amazon kindle page.

It would mean a lot to me and if I can review anything for you, please let me know.

Posted 8 Years Ago

likeablemicrobe

Wow, I seriously felt like I was transformed to the scene in this one. This felt like a great teaser, and definitely made me want to know more. I want to know what Tomiji and Sosa's backstories are and how they became a team that seems to be so at odds with one another now. I also thought you did a great job at somehow separating the fight from the other "quieter" scenes. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I would love to see more of this story.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Amber Lily

Interesting! I feel like it would be pretty difficult to write a fight scene when the referee is talking over the fight, but I think you executed this very well. Fighting itself can be a challenge because you need to be specific as to who is hitting who and where, and with what force.
I find your name choices interesting, in stores I've turned down buying books because I don't like the names of the characters. Your are outside of the average name bank.
Good work :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

Fight scenes are tough to write. I find that a simple, mechanical description is not enough. Having .. read more

8 Years Ago

True, I think that's part of what makes them so difficult. With a bit of touching up you might read .. read more

ColleenBlackwood

Thank you for reviewing my story " A Royal Gypsy" appreciated it :) if anything more pointers would help...
I enjoyed your piece...I'm not into boxing myself, but this is well written. Having the announcers voice makes it realistic. I'd like to hear the crowd more.

"Seika offered a bow to Sosa, his sleeveless white gi revealing broad shoulders and muscular forearms that were in contrast to his shaved head and calm expression."

I loved this description. Id like if you'd used more for example... the fighters would likely be bloody, sweaty, breathing heavy, have mouth guards cuts/bruises from previous fights. do they have a fighting style or flaw that gives insight into their character. ( like when sosa is angry that someone stepped in for him)
make me feel like I'm there. what do the character see, feel, taste, smell, hear?...
I noted that you said I could do with a bit less exposition, I take that.I do describe a lot :)
and I could reign it in a bit... but maybe you could open yourself up to a bit more description :)