Children of the Sands

Meet Ras, a mechanical genius who spends most of her time restoring her salvaged battle tank and goofing off. However, when her brother disappears, she must embark on a perilous journey to save him.

CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE AND SCENES UNSUITABLE FOR MINORS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Ors lifted up his goggles, looking around at the endless expanse of sand, shaking his head. According to the old maps that he'd studied, this whole region had once been a rich savannah. Before the Fallout, anyway. He'd never paid much attention to history, but even he knew what had happened. Two centuries ago, the world had been engulfed in a nuclear war. No-one knew who had launched the first strike but, after that, it hadn't really mattered.  The fact that it would happen had never been in question and preparations had long been in place for this eventuality. Each nation had constructed deep bunkers deep underground in preparation for the strike that they knew would come, stockpiling their own nuclear weapons so that they could retaliate. Then, it had happened and the planet had suffered through two centuries of nuclear winter while the survivors hid deep in their bunkers. It was estimated that barely a third of the total population of the planet had survived.
                'Are you sure this is safe?' Micah asked, struggling up the dune after him and looking around apprehensively.
                ' 'Course it is.' Ors said, glancing down at the Geiger counter on his wrist. 'As long as we avoid the higher areas of radiation, we'll be fine.'
                'That's not what I mean. What about the mutants?' Micah said, looking around fearfully and Ors didn't blame him. Mutants were humans that had been caught in the surface when the nuclear blast, but far enough away from ground zero to avoid being killed by the blast. However, exposure to the radiation had ravaged their bodies. Many died within a few days, but some survived, blind and twisted parodies of humans. Driven by an almost bestial instinct, they hunted for whatever food they could find in the wastes.
And that's not the worst of it...
                'Relax.' Ors said, shaking himself out of his dark thoughts, resting his hand on the butt of his pistol. 'Mutants don't come out during the day. Come on, we need to get...'
Whatever he was going to say was lost as the ground erupted in front on them and a creature rose from beneath the sands, Ors finding himself looking up into a mouth full of jagged teeth.
Sandbeast.
                'S**t!' Micah screamed, turning to run, but the Sandbeast was faster. Before he had even got two paces, its jaws closed around him, cutting off his scream as it swallowed him whole. Ors grabbed his pistol, struggling to free it from his holster as the Sandbeast turned towards him, its blood-stained teeth filling his vision...


Ras woke with a groan, pulling the pillow over her head, reaching out to swat at the alarm panel on the wall next to her bed. Blearily, she tried to focus on the chrono, the glowing green numbers showing that it was nearly 0900 and she stumbled out of bed, flinching at the cool metal floor under her bare feet. Dressed in a rumpled t-shirt and baggy shorts, her long blonde hair still sleep tousled, she staggered from her room towards the kitchen and the smell of coffee. She had long ago stopped noticing the pitted metal walls, the heavy steel doors or the words 'Emergency Fallout Shelter 9' in scratched faded paint. Reaching the kitchen, she dropped into the chair opposite her brother and scowled at him. Despite the early hour, he was already dressed, looking like he had been up for hours.
                'Morning.' Rahd said, pouring a mug of coffee and pushing it towards her.
                'Don't remind me.' She muttered, grabbing the mug with both hands and taking a sip.
                'You stay up late again?' Rahd asked, a hint of criticism in his voice. 'Why don't you just move your bed into your workshop?'
                'Shut up.' She said. 'I just wanted to finish some modifications, that's all. Where're you going?' She asked, frowning as Rahd stood up.
                'There's some work shifts open in Precipice.' He said, grabbing his jacket from the locker, the faded radiation symbol still just visible on the door. 'I'll be back this evening.'
                'Yeah, okay.' She said. 'I was gonna head out to the ruins to the west and see if I can find some more parts for the Arrow.'
                'You were up all night working on that Tank. What about making a start on those?' Rahd asked, gesturing to her workbench in the corner of the room where a box was sitting, crammed full of junk and battered pieces of machinery. 'You said you were going to fix them up, so we could sell 'em. They've been sitting there for nearly a week now.'
                'I'll get round to them.' Ras said. 'But, who knows what else I could find out in the ruins?'
Rahd looked like he was going to say something more, but he pulled on his jacket and left, closing the door behind him. Ras waited for a few seconds and then sprang to her feet, heading back to her bedroom with a grin on her face. She dressed quickly, pulling on her boots and heading for the garage. Inside, she flipped on the lights to illuminate the Tank that was sitting in the corner. On the front of the fuselage, in red letters, was the word ARROW. Ras smiled to herself, moving forward to pat the fuselage.
                'Just a few more parts and we're good to go.' She muttered to herself. Reluctantly, she turned away, swinging astride her Sandbike and gunning the engine.

Ras whooped as the desert rushed past her, the wind whipping through her hair. The pale yellow sun was already rising above the grey dunes, sand swirling up into little dust storms that made her glad she was wearing her goggles and filtration mask. Before the Fallout, the Army had maintained several bases throughout the area. Due to the low humidity, these bases had survived mostly intact for the last hundred years. Ras had found one near to their home and had been raiding it for parts over the last year. She pulled up outside and killed the engine, looking around. It looked quiet enough, but she knew that she would have to hurry. The sun was rising and the Sandbeasts would soon be out looking for prey. Inside, sunlight poured through the holes in the roof and walls, eroded after a hundred years of exposure to sandstorms and the harsh temperature extremes in the desert. If that wasn't the case, then she wouldn't have dared go inside, because she knew very well what might have been hiding in the shadows. It was here that she had found the remains of what had been a Sentinel-class attack tank.  By some miracle, it had been protected by the worst of the elements and, apart from some battle damage, was in pretty good condition. She imagined that the war had been going so badly that they had either decided it wasn't worth repairing or that they hadn't had time before the Fallout struck. Ras had already raided most of the hanger, but there were a few places she had yet to check. Crossing to the rear of the hanger, she forced open a rusted access panel, the bang echoing through the dark hanger and she shone her flashlight inside, her face breaking into a grin.
Oh, yeah...
Quickly, she pulled out her tools and set to work...



Rahd was jolted against his harness as the Gyro-copter shifted gears to start its descent and he grimaced. He wasn't sure whether the pilot delighted in making the ride uncomfortable or that he was just bad at his job, but he suspected the former. Outside the tiny window, the light dimmed as they descended into Precipice. It was very aptly named, having been built around the edges of a vast crater, the result of a nuclear strike during the Fallout. The crater sank deep into the earth, providing protection from the desert heat. Huge caverns had been tunnelled into the rock, metal platforms and walkways built along the perimeter to connect them together. The Gyro-copter finally landed on the heli-pad and Rahd unstrapped his safety harness, standing up to follow the other passengers out. Quickly, he made his way along the streets, watching the crowds of people that jostled around him, seeing prospectors and hunters, factory workers and dock loaders, engineers and mechanics, traders, shopkeepers and bar tenders, security personnel and military officers. Turning aside from the main street, he reached a doorway and turned the wheel, stepping through and closing the door behind him. Inside, he was greeted by a pervasive heat, a hubbub of voices and the smell of grease, frying food and sweat. Hanging his coat on the hook by the door, he grabbed a plastic apron and hat and put them on. Finding the nearest empty work station, he grabbed a knife and set to work, resisting the urge to glance up at the Chrono. It was going to be a long day...

Ras removed the last component, slipping it into her backpack as the alarm on her Mi-chrono sounded.  
                'Damn.' She muttered. She been so engrossed in what she was doing that she'd lost track of time. Packing up her tools, she hoisted her pack on her back and made her way back to the entrance, attaching her goggles and filtration mask as she went. By now, the sun was rising higher and the Sandbeasts would be out looking for food. Stepping out into the blistering heat, she shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun and looked around. Through the heat haze, she saw the lumbering shape of a Sandbeast in the distance, its head turning this way and that as it sniffed the air. It was time to go. Reluctantly, she swung herself astride her Sandbike and gunned the engine, racing away from the hanger with a wistful glance behind her.

She made it back home without incident, although she did have to make a short detour to avoid a pair of Sandbeasts. Fortunately, they were more focused on each other to bother with her and she drove back into the garage, sealing the door behind her. Dismounting, she slapped her hand on the inner door control. However, it stayed closed, a red warning message flashing up on the panel.
WARNING. RADIATION TRACE DETECTED. PROCEED TO DECON.
Ras sighed, pushing the bike into the yellow marked area on the floor and headed for the decontamination showers, unbuttoning her jacket as she did so. The computer would automatically take care of the bike. Once the door to the decon area had hissed closed, she took off her jacket and shoes, quickly stripping out of clothes, bundling them under one arm. Depositing them and her bag into the anti-irradiation unit, she headed for the showers. The water was pleasantly cool after the heat of the desert and she started scrubbing herself, ignoring the instructions that flashed up on the screens. She'd done this enough times to know it by now. Emerging at the other end, her hair thoroughly messed up thanks to the automatic dryers, she struggled into a fresh t-shirt and grey coveralls, stomping upstairs. It would take nearly an hour for her gear to be decontaminated, so she would have to wait to look at what she'd found. Heading back to the habitation area, she poured herself a glass of water, swallowing a couple of anti-radiation tablets, her eyes coming to rest on the box on her workbench. With a sigh, she sat down, pulled out her portable music player and set to work...

Ras sat back with a groan, rubbing her neck and glancing up at the chrono on the wall, seeing that it was nearly 1300. She'd been sitting there for almost two hours and she grimaced at the mess that lay in front of her, circuits and parts scattered across the bench. The devices were in poor condition, but easy to repair. That was the problem. It was dull, offering no challenge at all. Still, she'd fixed up three of them and that was a good start, so she deserved a break. With a grin, she headed back down to the garage, taking her bag out of the anti-irradiation unit and walked over to the tank. Quickly, she laid out the parts around her and sorted through them, before selecting one and opening the access panel in front of her.
Let's see...if I install this on the primary servo linkage, it should improve turning speed by five percent...



Ras kicked the fridge door shut, humming contentedly to herself as she took a huge bite from her sandwich, flopping onto the couch. It was three hours later and she managed to install most of the new components into the Arrow. Just a few more and she might be able to take it for a test drive. She glanced idly up at the Chrono, seeing that Rahd would be home soon. Finishing off her sandwich, she went for a quick shower to get the worst of the grease stains off before dinner. When she returned, she expected to find Rahd already waiting for her, but he wasn't there. Frowning, she pulled out her phone and punched in his number, pressing the receiver to her ear. However, all she got was static.
Alright. It's probably just interference. He'll be home soon, Ras. You'll see.

Ras waited for an hour, but there was no sign of Rahd and her phone stayed resolutely silent. Now, she was beginning to worry. Grabbing the remote from the table, she flipped on the holo, switching to the News frequency, her eyes widening at what she saw.
                '...confirmed reports of an attack on Precipice by the guerrilla group, the Sand Devils..’.
                'Oh, s**t.' Ras exclaimed, sitting bolt upright, gripping the remote so tightly that her knuckles went white, as the reporter went on
                '...official Coalition sources say that at least 20 are confirmed dead, with up to twice that number still missing, following an attack on Precipice by the guerrilla group, the Sand Devils. Military search and rescue operations are ongoing, with survivors being taken to the Centrica Medical Centre for treatment. Relatives are advised to contact the CMC for further information...'
The reporter kept talking, but Ras was no longer listening. Snatching up her phone, she punched in the number for the CMC, the dialling tone buzzing in her ear.
                'Come on, come on...' She whispered, as the line connected and a clipped official voice answered.
                'Centrica Medical Centre.' It said and she felt her throat tighten.
                'I...my brother was at Precipice...there was an attack...do you know if...he's there?' She couldn't bring herself to say that he might be dead. 'His name is Rahd Nazar and...
                'ID number?' The official asked, cutting her off.
                'Uh...RN-07764.' She said, unconsciously fingering the ID tag on the chain around her neck. 'Is he...'
                'I have no record of that ID. We are still triaging patients from the incident. You will be notified if he's admitted.' The line went dead with a final click, leaving Ras sitting there on the couch.

Ras stayed curled on the sofa, the phone cradled in her hand, staring blankly at the wall while the newscast droned on in the background.
                ' ...Coalition officials are still searching for survivors following the attack on Precipice at 1700 hours. The attack, believed to have been the work of the Sandstorm Devils, has so far left 54 people dead, with another 76 in serious condition. This makes the fifth guerrilla attack in the last 2 months. Coalition officials have pledged to mount a full-scale operation to locate their base of operations, despite the failure of previous attempts. Here again is the latest confirmed causality list...'
Ras felt a dull ache in her stomach as the list scrolled up the screen, but she couldn't look away, in case she saw his name.
                God, please. She prayed. Don't let him be dead. He's my brother...
The list finished scrolling, but his name wasn't on there. She sat back, screwing up her eyes, feeling the prickle of tears and she blinked them away. She was tempted to call the medical centre again, but she hadn't got any information the last four times she'd tried, and she knew that she needed to keep the line clear in case anyone tried to get through. Then, her head snapped round as she heard the rumble of an engine and her heart skipped a beat. Slipping the phone into her pocket, she scrambled towards the ladder, her feet ringing on the metal rungs as she climbed up towards the periscope. Flipping down the handles, she pressed her eye to the viewfinder, swinging it round towards the source of the noise. She saw a boxy shape moving across the dunes, its heavy treads churning up the sand and her heart sank, recognising it as a trading caravan. Nevertheless, she watched it until it went out of sight, curling up in the seat as tears ran down her cheeks.
                Oh, Rahd, where are you...?



Ras sat up when she heard the beeping of the alarm and looked around blearily, wondering where she was and why she was sleeping on the couch. She remembers lying down to rest her and...
Then, what had happened came back to her and she shot bolt upright, scrabbling for her phone and flipping open the cover. However, there were no messages. Behind her, the newscast droned on and she turned up the volume, desperate to hear if there was any more news.
                '...military forces have now completed their search of Precipice and have concluded that there are no further survivors. The final causality toll is listed as 62 dead, 97 seriously injured and at least another 30 unaccounted for. Unconfirmed eye-witness accounts report civilians being taken prisoner by the Devils, although this has not been verified. Coalition officials have stated that any attempted rescue mission will be too dangerous and unlikely to succeed. Again...'
Ras turned off the viewer and sat staring at the wall for a few seconds before standing up and heading for the lift down to the garage, fastening on her tool belt. She had a lot of work to do...

Less than half an hour later, Ras closed the access panel and scrambled across the turret of the Tank, dropping down into the cockpit. She had scavenged parts from all over the shelter, working frantically to get them installed. Now, it was time to see if it would work. Flipping the master switch, the engine roared into life, the panels and screens lightning up and she punched the air.
                Yes!
Reaching up to close the hatch, she flipped through the screens, bringing up a map on the console to her left. According to the rumours she'd read on the COMMNET, the Sand Devils' base was supposed to be somewhere to the East. It wasn't much to go on, but it was all she had. Settling her hands onto the steering wheel, she guided the tank up the ramp and out into the desert.
                I'm coming, Rahd...

She had only gone a few kilometres from the shelter when her motion detector started pinging. Easing off the throttle, she glanced from one screen to the other, but she couldn't see anything. Then, the sand to her left erupted and a creature emerged, its mouth open in a roar.
Sandbeast! Ras realised, as it turned towards her. It was at least twice the size of her tank with four stocky limbs, a domed head with two powerful horns projecting from the sides and a mouthful of razor sharp teeth, faint puffs of steam rising from its hide.
                A Vapourbeast.
Lowering its head, the Vapourbeast charged towards her, legs moving like pistons and she slamming her foot onto the accelerator, yanking the wheel left as hard as she could. By some miracle, the Vapourbeast shot past her, clipping the edge of the tank and sending it skidding sideways. She stomped her foot on the brake, wrestling with the wheel, trying to regain control. However, the Vapourbeast was faster, slamming into the side of the tank. She was thrown against the safety restraints with enough force to knock the wind out of her, but the armour held. Then, the tank rocked again as the Vapourbeast slammed its head against the underside, trying to flip it over and she choked off a scream. If it turned her over, then she would be helpless. She imagined the beast’s claws ripping through the armour and its razor sharp teeth coming towards her. With a scream, she stamped on the accelerator, the engine roaring as the Tank lurched forward to slam into the Vapourbeast. It roared in pain and slammed its head into the turret, battering at it. Ras hung on grimly as she pressed the accelerator into the floor as hard as she could, a choked sob escaping her as she fought to keep control, her hands gripping the wheel so hard that her knuckles went white. With a bellow, The Vapourbeasts' legs slipped from under it and it tumbled down the dune, rolling head over heels to the bottom. With a roar of pain, it struggled back to its feet and lumbered away, disappearing over the dunes. Ras slumped back in her seat, her hands shaking on the control yoke as she realised how close she'd come to being killed. Forcing her hands to relax their death grip on the steering wheel, she shifted the tank into a higher gear and drove away.


                'D****t.' Ras exclaimed, popping the hatch of the tank and climbing out into baking heat. She hadn't got away as cleanly as she thought. The run-in with the Vapourbeast must have shaken something loose. Cursing under her breath, she set the portable motion detector on top of the tank and moved around to the back, popping open the access hatch and looking inside. It was as she had feared. The secondary drive motivator had been damaged. Without it, her performance would suffer. She'd be able to go in a straight line, and maybe operate the main gun, but nothing more. If she ran into another Sandbeast, she wouldn't stand a chance. Closing the access panel again, she scrambled back into the tank and sealed the hatch, thinking fast. She needed to find some spare parts if she was going to get any further. Checking the map, she saw that there was an abandoned mining outpost about a klick to the north. It was beyond the territory of the Coalition, but she didn't have much choice. Forcing the tank into gear, she set off, rumbling across the dunes.



The soft rumble of the tanks treads changed to a harsher sound as she left the sands behind, crossing onto the metal floor of the refinery and Ras popped the hatch, emerging into the dark interior. Compared to the glare of the desert sun outside, the refinery was a maze of shadows, dark corners and pitch-black corridors.
                Come on, Ras. Get it in gear. Just find what you need and get out of here, fast.
Dropping from the cockpit and pulling a flashlight from her backpack, she started to creep across the refinery floor. Then, her foot struck something metal, the clattering noise as it bounced across the floor making her jump and she nearly dropped her flashlight. By the pale glow of her flashlight, she made out an access panel in the wall ahead of her and she headed towards it. Kneeling down, she pulled it off the wall, the scraping noise sounding unnaturally loud in the cavernous space and she glanced over her shoulder. For a second, she thought that she heard a shuffling sound and she froze, straining her ears, but it didn't come again.
                Easy, Ras. She said to herself. It was just an echo.
Turning back to the access panel, she pulled out her flashlight and shone it inside, a satisfied smile crossing her face.
                Perfect.
Working quickly, she pulled out the components and tucked them into her backpack, standing up. She was about to leave when she heard the shuffling sound again, closer, to her right and she looked round as something shambled out of the dark. She screamed as she saw the yellow-skinned mutant, its tattered clothes torn and shredded, arms dangling obscenely like a puppet with its strings cut and its white eyes staring blankly at her.
                Oh, s**t...

Author's Note

My first attempt at a longer work. Reviews, feedback and constructive criticism very welcome.

Reviews

[MuteB912]

A very intriguing plot so far. The characters have their own voice making them appear more real and relatable. A couple more things I need to say about the dialogue is that you have a lot of 'noisy taglines'. Noisy taglines are often used after a character has said something. Some examples:
"Would you like some pizza?" Jimmy asked.
"Yes please." Said Kate.

"Stop poking me!" Polly snapped.
"Make me!" Mark teased.
Snapped, teased, said, asked, are all noisy taglines. They're not necessarily bad, in fact, there are times when you need them, but the last thing you want to do is over use them because they can become distracting and break the dialogue flow for your readers. You generally only want to use a noisy tagline if it will give more insight to the readers on how the characters are speaking. For example:
"Do you think they can hear us?" Judy whispered.
See, here, the noisy tagline is okay because we are showing the reader how Judy is speaking. Since the reader can't hear her whispering, it's proper to tell the reader that's what she's doing. Certain taglines like asked, said, exclaimed, etc. are all basically repeating what was already said. In the first two examples, the reader already knows that Jimmy was asking a question because of the question mark. Same thing with the word 'said'. The period shows that Kate simply stated that, yes, she would like some pizza. What I like to do in order to avoid noisy taglines (though again, they're still fine to use) is to just describe the body language of the characters. It helps bring the characters to life and it's fun to use in certain situations in dialogue (like if a character is telling a lie, or they secretly don't like someone). I encourage you to play with that a little bit. It's always fun! Oh, and if it's already clear to the reader who in the story is speaking, it's okay to just write what the characters are saying and nothing else. In a lot of conversations you see in real life, people are just standing (or sitting) while chatting. They aren't really doing anything else. Using noisy taglines like: spat, snarled/growled, giggled, squealed, etc. often just makes it a loud conversation rather than the casual one that's trying to be conveyed. Not to mention, using this technique really helps the dialogue flow smoothly. The last point I want to make on your dialogue is to make sure to use double quotation marks when a character is speaking to reduce confusion for the reader.
I wanted to point out some small errors that I think you should look at. The sentence-
She remembers lying down to rest her and...
Doesn't fit with the tense you're writing your story in. It's just the one sentence that's tensed hopped and tiny things like this happen to a lot of writers (including myself). Since you're story is written in past tense it would be best to revise the sentence to blend with the rest of your story. Another small thing I'd like to point out is the words 'torn' and 'shredded'. There's a slight difference in their definitions (shredded- something ripped or cut into smaller strips of a larger material torn- a hole or split in something). I would suggest choosing between one or the other. Having both words can make the statement sound a bit repetitive and the two words describe almost opposite levels of damage. It's entirely up to you though. Okay, so as far as descriptions go you've got it down packed! The imagery is incredible and the analogies are perfect! One thing you want to watch out for though is over doing it. You don't want to describe every step your character is taking. Like in the scene with Ras going into the decontamination shower, I felt like there was a little too much describing. Too much description can lead your readers to kind of doze off because the story is being slowed down by all the descriptions (I catch myself struggling with this a lot because I love to describe things). Overall I think you're story is very entertaining and has a very engaging narrative. What I love most about this piece is that while I was reading it, I felt like you had a full understanding of the world you created and the characters you placed in it. The world and the characters are beautifully depicted; especially the characters' personalities. I'm excited to see where you take the plot next!

[David Jae]

Thank you for taking the time to read and I appreciate the comments. I'll need to work on that in the future.

[MuteB912]

No problem! I'm always happy to help.

[Jennifer]

I like how fast-paced it is. I like how you don't give the readers much of a break, you throw us into one thing after another and you aren't afraid to put your main characters into dangerous situations. Some writers play it safe. I like the interaction between beast and human. I'm curious as to how the sandbeast came about. I am excited to see what happens next and what has happened to her brother.

[David Jae]

Thank you very much. It felt a little too heavy on actin when I wrote it, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Richard Patrick]

The scene is very unique but realistic for what we can expect from a world surviving a nuclear holocaust. Every thing would be rationed out. Survival will be at the best tauntamount to our existence. The military will control every little thing.
Details. there might be a little to much data to work with, Break it into smaller segments the paragraphs. You have a lot of stuff there. Give the reader a chance to catch their breath before plunging them into another file of data. It is good.

[David Jae]

I agree. Thank you for taking the time to review...

[Richard Patrick]

The story has merit. Do not give up on yourself

[David Jae]

Thank you.

[Richard Patrick]

you are welcome

[Danny-Dark0]

Wow, this was a a really engrossing read, you can just visualize the frenetic action,it moves with a great momentum. The world building is fantastic, I felt like I was following Ras's trials, moving with her, cant wait to read more!

[David Jae]

Thanks very much. I always see my work very critically, so it's encouraging to know that someone else enjoys it.

[Eric Yang]

Your story is very captivating! I feel like the names of your characters fits the theme of the story quite well, and everything seems to flow together smoothly. Your dangerous descriptions and internal proses are all quite well done. Most times you're using alternating sentence lengths, making it a beautiful piece. Intense!

[David Jae]

Thanks very much. It was fun to write...

[russ]

Oh s**t is right! I definitely have to read the next one, well executed cliffhanger. Between the sandbeasts, mutants, and guerrillas you never know what to expect. Danger around every turn, Ras seems like a badass, I dig her ongoing internal monologue it makes her not only very real and believable but also likable.

[David Jae]

Thank you. It was fun to write. I wasn't sure about Ras, so it boost my confidence to hear that someone else likes her.

[Destiny Mitchell]

You definitely have a good story going here. Everything is descriptive and believable. You may be leaving it a mystery or may mention it in the future but I found myself wondering a little of the back story of the war that caused the nuclear fallout and how they came to be where they are today and some of the techniques they used to get through it. You have great equipment and comm systems in place as well as transportation, do they have defense for the sand monsters or are they just lurking around the outskirts of civilization and not usually a threat unless people leave their domiciles? These are just things I found myself wondering. Am looking forward to reading the rest.

[David Jae]

Thanks very much. I'm glad you liked it. The backstory of the war I'm saving for another time. The Sandbeasts only live in the deep desert and human settlements are designed to keep them out.

[Peter Richard Adams]

I really enjoyed this! I really hope you revisit this and expand the world - there's so much I want to know more about... I hope that's not really the end.

[Peter Richard Adams]

I've just realised there IS more! Silly me... Very pleased.

[David Jae]

I do have plans to write more in this world. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time.

[A.K. Simon]

The description of the surroundings are great. While reading i can picture what the characters sees and easily comprehend his actions. Good Work. Also the switching of scenes is a good idea in keeping readers engrossed in your work.

[David Jae]

Thank you very much. It's the first story that I'm really proud of.

[Kay]

I love all the detail you put into this and it flows well. Nice job! :)

[David Jae]

Thank you. It's the first story I've really been happy with.

[Kay]

I think I may know how you feel! Sometimes it's hard for us writers to truly be satisfied with a work--not because it's bad--we're just overly-critical of our own writing; wouldn't you agree? I think you did a wonderful job and can't wait to read more of your work.

[David Jae]

I'm always very critical of my work and sometimes can't see the wood for the trees. Would you mind reviewing my new book UnderCity on Kindle. There's' also a sample on here. I'd love some feedback.