The Watch, re-draft.

This one is for halloween! I have re-drafted the story i wrote recently with the same name. The story line is quite different. I hope you still enjoy it!

THE DEAL

     Imagine a world where you knew exactly when you would die. Would you believe it to be a curse or would you believe it to be a good thing? What would you do with your time? Would you do the most you could in that time or would you be too scared to do anything? For one boy, James Scott he had nothing to do but say goodbye to the people he loved.

     It all started on October, 31st 2010. Sixteen year old James Scott was walking through a forest, following a dirt track. Something lurking in the forest spooked him and James ran for his life and when he finally reached the end of it, he found himself at a crossroad. James ran into the middle of the crossroad and when he turned around, that’s when everything changed.  

     Behind him stood a strange figure, old and dressed in a black suit. His face could not be seen at first, the only sighting of him would be one year later. The day death knocked at his door. 

     “I have a deal for you.” The strange man said, following with a creepy cackling noise. “A mysterious wanderer has told me that your father is dying. What if i told you that i can change that? I just need one thing in return.” 

     James stood there for a while, staring at this silhouette of a man, considering. Until he managed to get the nerve to speak. 

     “And what would you want in return?” James asked. “What could you possibly want from me?” 

     There was a small pause. Silence filled the land until the stranger finally spoke. 

     “Your soul.” He replied. “Your life for your fathers life. I will give you one year. When you wake up in the morning, you will forget this had ever happened. Then when your year is up, i will come to collect.” 

     The next thing James knew, he was woken up by the sound of his alarm clock echoing through his small room. He slammed his hand down on top of it and he notices something on his arm. A black watch.

ONE YEAR LATER

     James woke up from his sleep. It was dark outside and he checked the strange watch which he had been wearing for the past year and noticed the countdown on it was nearly over. “10:42” the timing said. 

     “So tonight is the night?” James thought to himself. “What is going to happened?” 

     James pulled on his clothes and walked out of his bedroom, he walked across his landing and opened up another door which lead into a different room however the room was empty. James walked back out of it and then down the stairs and out the front door. 

     The street was dark and a strange fog filled the air. There were people around trick or treating and in front of him stood a strange figure. Carrying a scythe and walking closer to him until eventually it stopped right in front of James. Then it spoke. 

     “Trick or treat!” The figure said. Then a man walked into view. James stopped panicking. 

     Then something in the window of an old diner in the corner of his eye catches his attention. James walked towards it and slowly opened up the door. 

     Inside of the diner was empty. All apart from one person sitting at the table. The old man, wearing a black suit. 

     “Hello Mr. Scott, I have been expecting you.” The man said. “Your time is up.” 

     James checked his watch. The countdown had finished and the watch began to beep. He took a few steps back as the old man stood up from his seat. We still can’t see his face. 

     “Who are you?” James asked. 

     “I am the Reaper. I am the Grim Reaper. I am death.” Replied the old man. Then he stepped into the light. James’ eyes widen up as he recognizes him. 

     “F, father?” James shouts! 

Then everything went black. Everything went cold. 

Reviews

[B30]

The end was terrifying but at the same time, looking much more like a cliffhanger with the end already. It's good, seemingly it is very great effort. I'd definitely read the original after accounting to this story.

[Amandaaa Caroline (:]

One correction, I believe it is supposed to be happen instead of happened(: beyond that, this was great and really made me think about things, yet again I thought about the meaning of life and how best to spend it. I can tell that you're passionate about writing, and you have great ideas for stories and poems. Beautiful job with this(:

[DrD]

I think the thing I like most about you, Darrin, is your passion for writing. The skills will hone themselves as you continue to write but until then, it becomes obvious that your wind is always conjuring ideas surrounding the question, "What if?"