The rose of the forbbiden (Part I)

He stands before her holding a single red rose. She takes it and inhales its deep scent. “Blood rose? How rare!” He looks at her. His eyes turn deep in color. “Much like out love, my dear. Not often does a wolf fall for the mystery of a vampire.” She takes the rose and bites into and drinks deeply. “The blood is strong my dear pup. Why so?” “It was grown by using my own. I wanted it special.” Her eyes change to a deep color. Gives him a box. He takes out a collar and looks at her. She whispers to him: ”You are my pup.” She puts the rose in a vial of blood and it blooms red. He puts the collar on. “Good boy…” she whispers. They hear footsteps. They look at each other and he jumps out the window. She looks out and sees a wolf with a collar. She sees his dark eyes gaze at her, then he was gone into the forest. She looks at the full moon to see a shadow of the wolf. She heard a slight howl in the dark cold air. She looks at the rose and says “Silly pup. Soon…”

The door opens. she turns around to see a tall figure dressed all proper attire. "My dear you are to be changed and ready for the ceremony that per takes downstairs." She looks over to the silk, black dress and her eyes change back to the way they were. "I wish to excuse myself. I have another affair at hand." Fetch my stead for which I travel this eve." He looks at her blankly. "My dear we have the elder council here and they wish to meet the great leader of the clan." She grabs her trench and pushes him out the way. She heads down the spiral stair case and through the huge doors out to the dark unknown.

The wolf runs faster into the forest. The only things his ears hears are the leaves and branches beneath his paws and hi heart beating against his chest. The fear of almost getting caught sent his adrenaline pumping through his veins. Soon the forest grows deeper till at last he sees the fire light. He stops and transformers back to his human state. The collar resting on his neck. He takes it off and puts it in his trench pocket and approaches the fire light and sees the other dark figures around it.

She saddles her horse and prepares to ride in the darkness of the forest and look for the dark wolf. Inside she can hear the party going on.  She gets on her stead and grabs the reins and heads towards the forest following the scent of her lover. The forest gets thicker and the scent starts to fade in the cold air. Her eyes change to the deep color and her senses rise. She knows its a risk to go into the territory alone but her heart longs for the wolf. She leaves the stead behind and dismounts and carries her journey on foot through the thicker parts of the forest.

She journeys on soon the moon light fades as the trees get thicker. The noises around here grow ever louder and she soon sees fire light. She jumps on a branch and jumps higher and higher. She sees the dark figures around the fire and hears the laugh and growls of the ones surrounding it. She sees the small hut looking houses and figures coming in and out of some. “I am here “she thinks to herself. “I am within enemy territory. Soon they will move and re settle in a new area. My pup will be further away from me.” After awhile of watching the fire dies down and most have gone back to the crude huts. Only one figure stands alone. She watches and her senses alert her to move. The figure turns and pulls out a sword and approaches the tree. Damn she thought to herself. She reaches and grabs her cross brow and ready for a battle that might be at hand. Hoping that the others won’t be alerted to the soon be battle at hand. The figure gets closer and she takes steady aim.  She releases the arrow and her heart skips a beat. The figure caught the arrow and burke it with one hand. “S**t!” she thought. He sheathed his sword and his eyes changed. He whispered "My love you didn’t think I wouldn’t recognize your scent? Come on dear here and let me see your beauty."

Author's Note

Please give me your honest opinions!

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

I like where this is going. The story line looks like it's sound and has alot of potential.
I would ask if this a Prologue or Chapter 1?
It runs fast, like an action sequence. Which makes it run by quickly, making it a perfect lead in to the rest of the story. That's why I ask if it's a prologue.

I feel the basics are good. The two things i would suggest is: 1 stretch it out add more discription in the character emotions and the scenery. and 2 I found a couple of spelling issues.

Just my opinions mind you :) keep up the good work.

[M. Amphet Salt]

This is a good start. You give some good desciption painting a decent picture of events. I would like to see more depth in the charaters. There are some mechanics issues, as such. "She reaches and grabs her cross brow and ready for a battle that might be at hand." There are several sentence like this that overstate the point. Reaches and grabs have the same meaning. So one should be taken out. I do this too and get corrected on all the time so it is natural, but she reaches for her cross bow and readies herself for a battle that might be at hand. Also, you spelled bow as brow and you use ready which is present tense, but it should be used in pretense. Overall, good write, but need a little tweaking.

H. Duane Sharpe