Pain & Rain

i just don't even know anymore I don't even know how to feel anymore I'm done

As I look out into the rain, I see only my reflection in the window.

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel

as a teenager, I'm too confused

I can be happy with my love one minute

then the next, I'm alone, and I'm freaking out

I'm sobbing, I feel forgotten

I just want him, I want my love by my side.

but that's not why i'm sad.

my past is too difficult,

Hell he doesn't even know the half of it

He knows I'm broken,

depressed

and feeling dead and useless

but he only knows half of why

He doesn't know what has happened to me

He knows my 'rents fight a lot

He knows I want to escape

but as I stare out into the rain this May evening

I can only feel pain

I love him, I really do

He's too perfect

Yet, I don't think I even deserve him

He's almost too good to be true

I'm so messed up

too damn broken

I don't know how to save myself

and he doesn't know how to save me

I need saving

but who will be my hero?

Who is going to save me from...

me?

I'm done

I'm scared

I'm broken

I'm well, I'm freaking the hell out

I want you near me

I want you with me

I want your scent

I want you.

I don't know what I could do without you with me

You've told me, that you couldn't deal without me

but honestly, sometimes that becomes a faithful lie,

something I'm being told so I don't "leave"

but if i leave...

like truly leave, who will notice?

who will care?

Does anyone care?

or will my love only notice?

I'd hate to leave him like that

but life, it's just too hard

with him I can make it through

but he can't be with me forever

every moment of every day

he just can't, our school schedules don't even let us see each other..

it just doesn't work

the pain feels good

when life doesn't

how I want to just feel your lips against mine

they make me feel happy, and comfortable

they're addictive

they could use some work

as in technique

but they're perfect

like him

I just wish this would get easier