Prolouge

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Obsession

 

            In life, I was a ghost. I was 22 and I lived as a phantom in a world I did not understand nor did I want to understand. From a young age I questioned my very existence, wondering why I was even conceived or for what purpose did my parents, to whom this day I have never met, want me to exist. I lived with a woman, named Glenda. She was a pale woman, with a short stature, long graying hair, which she kept in a ponytail, and a strong will, despite her size. She never addressed me by name and only referred to me as “son”. She was a very nice woman who, to be honest, was the only person I ever loved in my short years in this existence.

            For this reason of referring to myself as a “ghost”, I will not go into details of my past, for they seem as a blur to me. Furthermore, I feel, even in my deepest contempt for this empty existence, that it is important to only learn from the past, not constantly revisit it. I will say, however, that I forever questioned my existence. Why was I here? What is my purpose? Where are my parents? Even though Glenda had come to be as a mother to me, a part of me deep inside still wanted to me the woman from whose womb I truly came. Glenda rarely talked about my past and when I did ask her, contrary to my desire to forget, she would often say that I was… how should I say, “a person who came from above”.  That statement did little to ease my curiosity and I wanted to learn more. Maybe the answers lay elsewhere, maybe not. There is one thing that was for certain, I was 22 and walking down a no- end, nowhere path.

            My hometown was small with not much to it. It was the typical everybody knows everybody town and the local diner was where one could catch all the latest gossip. I personally found no pleasure in this place and the people were less attractive. I had no friends and I spent most of my time listening to music in the forest, the only place my soul seemed to be at peace with. For my age, I did graduate from high school but I was not concerned with the past, the present, nor the future. I may have been merely existing or just unsure for my age. I couldn’t care less about other’s opinion of me. My day was occupied mainly with music, the forest, and my small abode I called home.

            Glenda was a woman who had faith in the higher power. Every morning, noon, and night, I would hear her thank God. Even at dinner, I would have to hear the blessing before I could sink my teeth into the nourishment my body longed for. For me I questioned the existence of such a higher being. Although there was the saying that all I had to do was look to the very woods I loved and the sky above and I could see. However, there are logical explanations for events and occurrences such as these. I often wondered why, if there was such a being, that he would allow humanity to wallow in its own stupidity. To add insult to injury, we used the greatest gift of all to corrupt this plane of existence and if god was in front of me, I would have said “take me out of this”.  Glenda did respect my views on religion and did not push the matter further with me and that is the one thing about her I loved above all else: allowing me to choose. However, I had no path in life to choose from, but that would change.

            The morning of February 19^th was a typical cold morning. I awoke as usual to the smell of Danish rolls and coffee. For some reason, I felt at ease, which was odd considering I often  awoke feeling absolutely nothing. “ The dream”, I said to myself. The dream I had last night was unique considering the fact I hardly dreamed and if I did, I never remembered it. Yet this dream, I remember. I was in a wooded area, similar the forest I listen to music in, only this one was larger. The air was colder than today and the sky was gray. In the distance I could see what looked to be a church. It looked to be one of those churches you see in horror films, with the grand facades and statues on the front. Yet this church was in ruin. I felt something from the church pull at me, as if calling me to it. I walked towards it and as I got closer, I could hear, what seemed to be a woman crying. This voice was not that of Glenda, but someone different. I got closer and I did not see anyone, yet the crying continued. “Why have you forsaken me?” I heard her say. “He was too young!” The sound of her voice rising struck a chord inside me. It was as if I could feel this woman’s pain, but I couldn’t see anyone and I surely wasn’t the type to empathize or sympathize, not even with Glenda. Her crying turned to curses and yells of  contempt for what seemed to be a God who took someone close to her too soon. I tried to continue but I was frozen in place. I found myself struggling to move but to no avail. I then felt a surge of  immense heat coming from the walls of the façade. It was so hot, it nearly took my breath away. Before I could begin to react, I found myself up in bed, back in reality.

            “It felt so real,” I said. I got out of bed and went to shower. As the hot water ran over me, I felt the questions nagging at my mind. “who was the woman in the dream?” “Why was she crying?” Although this was just a dream, I felt something much more coming into play inside of me. I was actually feeling curious. I decided to hasten my shower and try to get back to normal, well, my version of normal. I went back into my room to decide what to wear for the day, although I had already laid it out. For some reason, I still felt the urge to look inside the closet. As I opened it, a piece of paper and a small gold box, wrapped in red, green, and white ribbons, fell out. I picked up the paper and opened it. It read:

 

To my beloved son

 

            It feels like centuries since I saw you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about the treasured moments we shared, even though it was just for a short time. I feel the deepest pain and regret that our family was torn apart, first your father, and now you. I feel as if my heart has been ripped out, my soul left to wither. I am worlds away from you in a time where time ceases and all begins anew. I feel as if you are still in my arms and I dream of you constantly. As of now, i am on the search for your father. I feel the need to piece our family back together, whatever the cost. I hope you continue to stay strong and that you can forgive me for not being able to save you, for I have not forgiven myself.

 

                                          With eternal love,

 

                                  Your loving mother…

 

 

I just stood there, speechless. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. At first I wanted to think Glenda had written this but something inside me say it wasn’t her as this wasn’t her type of speech. Also, what happened to me at an early age? Did I die?  I caught myself wondering why I was even considering the possibilities of this. I looked inside the box and saw a silver pendant with the inscription: “Love eternal, as so is life. Think of me in times of strife.” It felt as if someone were speaking to me from across the edges of time but who?  I put the letter and box under my pillow for I knew Glenda never snooped in my room. I put on my clothes and attempted to resume normal life but my normal life was about to take an abnormal turn…

Glenda was finishing the last of the Danish rolls as I walked into the kitchen. “good morning, son”, she said sitting the rolls and a plate of bacon on the table.

“morning, mom,” I said. “may I ask you something?”

“Sure. You know you can ask me anything.”

“A few minutes ago I opened my closet and out fell a note and a box that had a pendant inside. I was wondering if you were the one who left it there.”

“No, I didn’t. It may have been one of your treasures from childhood.”

“I don’t remember having anything like this when I was a child.”

“What did the pendant look like?”

“It was silver and it had an inscription on it.”

“Hmm. No, it doesn’t ring a bell with me.”

“Alright.” As we ate, I couldn’t help but think about the pendant, the letter, and the mysterious dream I had. What did all of this mean? Could it be possible that… no, I didn’t believe in a higher power  and I certainly did not believe in ghost. I decided to put it in the back of my mind and enjoyed my breakfast.

            I decided to ride my bike. I had just discovered the note and pendant and already I was tired of thinking of  both. Before I left I went back into my room to put the items back in the closest figuring out of sight, out of mind. I folded the note and tucked it in the box. As I went to close it, I felt a weird feeling. I looked at the words on the pendant and felt as if they were reciting themselves in my head. The pedant was beautiful, no doubt. The words felt warming as if they had come from someone who truly cared. However, Glenda, who I knew cared deeply for me, had not delivered this or the note. So, who did this come from? I caught myself again and decided to wear the pendant. I figured whoever gave me this would want me to wear it. “I still do not believe in this,” I said to myself.

            It was cloudy, dull, cold, and gray as I rode my bike through the small town. I noticed people were going about their daily lives as usual. The pendant rocked back and forth against my chest and I caught myself looking down at it occasionally. There was something about it that kept grabbing my attention. I decided to once again put it out of my mind although, I knew, like a ghost, the pendant would come back to the front of my mind again. I decided to direct my attention the forest and the tranquility it offered my mind. The smell of fresh pine and the rays of sun that would shine through the tops down onto the forest floor, and the animals that would stir around me, yet paying me no mind. If there was one thing in life I had no regrets about, it was the existence of the natural world. 

I decided to ride my bike down the trail and towards the lake. Yes, as bad as this town was, it actually had a lake that was not limited to country club members. I parked my bike on a rail and walked towards the lake and stood there. The air was still and there wasn’t the natural sound of wildlife as I was used to. I was the only person there and I looked for the moment when another soul would cross my path but it never happened. Inside, I felt a feeling I could not describe. It was neither sadness, nor joy, nor fear, nor regret. I felt nothingness. I figured it was just the gloom of the day but before on days like this, I had never felt this way, so why now?

            An hour passed and still not one other soul came across my sight. I was lost in my own thoughts and maybe for a while, I wanted to stay there. However, I needed to focus on reality despite the fact that the dream, pendant, and note were playing tricks with my mind. I decided to leave the lake for it was not the place I wanted to stay. As I turned around, I saw a woman standing there. I had not heard anyone come up from behind, so I was a little spooked to see her. She had long flowing black hair that came down to her back and she wore what looked to be gold armor upon her chest. Her feet were covered in silver boots and she had a sword in her right hand. However, the most shocking feature of her was those eyes. Her eyes    were black and I mean pitch black. No irises, pupils, nothing. I was overcome with dread and I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things. Isolation has been known to do that to the mind. She was still there and she looked at me, saying nothing, doing nothing. “It is time,” she said. Before I could react or say anything, I felt my body freeze up before everything went black.