Dancing with the Wind

This is a myth i had to write for american lit. its not all that good but i kinda like it. I was hoping to get your critique........do your worst :)

One day when the earth was still new there came to be a young warrior by the name of Alex. She was held in high regard by the members of the Loomka tribe who inhabited the small island Jabudi located just off the coast of the Hawaii main islands. Everyday members of the tribe would make offerings of fresh fruits and berries lain lovingly on the warrior’s doorstep before dawn to show their love to the beautiful creature. It was said that Alex had the tail of a panther, the majestical voice of a mermaid, the swiftness of a snake, and the balance of a flamingo.  She was the most sought after fighting master on the island and very few had the chance to learn from her.

One day Larry, the chief of the Oomatin tribe of the center island, sent his uncle Mitch to ask the warrior to come and teach his warriors so they could prepare for the battle against the sky gods. He approached her hut veiled in animal pelts and bellowed her name.

“ALEX! Warrior of the Loomka tribe! Will you take time for the great chief Larry of the Oomatin tribe?” She exited her tiny hut in all her beauty her hair whipped out behind her in a fury of invisible wind as if at any moment she would take flight.

“Who comes to me on this day beckoning of my aid?” She questions in a voice as sweet as honey.

“It is I, Mitch, uncle and oracle of to Chief Larry of the Oomatin tribe.”

“And why do disturb me Mitch, uncle and oracle of Chief Larry of the Oomatin tribe?” A smile played along her lips as she waited for his reply.

He began to pace, as he replied not sure how to broach a subject of such great importance. “Well Dame Alex, the chief of the Oomatin tribe has requested your presence to train his warriors for battle against the sky gods for he has deeply angered them.”

“And how is it that he has managed to do this?”

“He has cut down the great tree to save his wife. She was in the midst of childbirth and was dying so he took his hatchet and cut down the tree bringing the bark to the medicine to create a tea. As you know the gods gave each tribe a tree and they were angered by our act and found a blatant disrespect to such a glorious gift given from then.”

“You believe that I too would use such wonderful gifts given to me from the gods to aid in your fight against them?”

“He is hoping that you will take pity upon him and his newborn son, and says that he will give you anything that you ask for if you agree to train our warriors.”

While on any account she would’ve trained them either way she took into the offer of getting whatever she wanted for simply training an army of warrior in hand to hand combat and the use of bows and arrows.

“I will help you but you must first tell me what will become of me after this battle?”

Mitch took in the sullen look in her eyes as if she already knew the answer to her question “I must first consult my altar before I answer such questions.” He whispered looking down at his feet.

She searched his face before throwing back her shoulders and mustered all the authority she had as she stated “We shall leave at dusk make sure you are well rested, there is a hot spring down the path which you may use if you wish to clean yourself before our journey. I must visit the maker of tools before we leave to insure I have the weapons to teach your warriors.”

She turned leaving Mitch in her dust as she drifted away as if carried by the wind itself.

****

The hours passed slowly as Mitch waited for Alex to return. She returned just as dusk hit, her back and legs clad in weapons from daggers to spears to bow and arrows.

“Let us begin our journey. Have you a horse?” she asked approaching Mitch where he was perched on a rock by the water’s edge.

“No I came by foot”

She stared dumbfounded by the statement “Follow me for I am not spending four days simply journeying to the Oomatin tribe. We will ask my friends for help” She began to walk away as Mitch stood apprehensively to follow.

“How is it that your friends can help us?”

“Not so much friends as companions.” She stated passively as she whistled entering the edge of the forest. Out came the sleek bodies of two coal black panthers that began to circle the visitors patiently. “Sophie, Aaron, this is my friend Mitch. We were hoping that you could give us a ride to the Oomatin tribe borders?” She crooned as the panthers stopped their appraisal of the two creatures before them both kneeling as if to show their submission. Alex waved her hand pointing out Aaron for Mitch to climb upon as Alex mounted Sophie scratching behind her ear to show her thanks. Still unsure as to how to approach the beautiful creature he slowly moved forward hand out in a show of surrender before slowly throwing his leg over its back, Aaron purred in response. Their journey began as Mitch clutched tightly to the fur on Aaron’s neck.

They moved as if they were flying across the land not even hearing the snapping of twigs as the panther’s feet crushed them upon impact. They glided swift and effortlessly through the forest over streams and brooks as their passengers clutched tightly to their smooth black fur. They came to a stop at a line of huts not unlike those of the Loomka tribe but these covered in leaves and mosses. Alex dismounted “Thank you Sophie.” She stuck out her hand, which held two small chipmunk livers, which the panther licked up quickly nuzzling her hand as she finished chewing. Alex did the same to Aaron before turning to head into the camp as she threw over her shoulder. “Come now before I change my mind. I don’t just anger the gods for anyone.” She continued running as Mitch took a quick look at the panthers before continuing off in the direction that she had walked.

****

They slowly approached Chief Larry, Mitch stepping forward taking control to introduce the visitor. “May I introduce Dame Alex of the Loomka tribe, the finest warrior of the Jabudi islands. Kneel before the chief of the Oomatin tribes Chief Larry.” Alex knelt showing respect to the young chief holding his son lovingly in his arms. He stood rocking the sleeping child soothingly.

“Rise for you are here as a savoir not as visitor. I ask you to please teach my warriors your ways. You are the most light and graceful fighter ever to be born to the Jabudi island. I will give you anything that your heart desires.

“Sir there is but one thing I wish. When I die I wish to be with the wind when I was a little girl my father would tell me tales of a little girl who danced with the wind and ate with the clouds and when it rained it was the little girl’s best friend crying because she couldn’t come out to play. Ever since he told me that story I’ve wanted to be that little girl so I have practiced being light on me feet. Would you be able to do that for me? If that is possible I will do anything you wish.” She stared at her feet waiting patiently, unsure of the chief’s reply to such a strange request. He approached her tears in his eyes as he watched such a strong warrior strip down her walls.

“I promise you that I will assure that you will make it to the wind and you shall eat with the clouds and your best friends tears shall be the rain. You will get your wish, never be afraid to ask for that which you want you have fought many a great battle and no matter what you deserve to be happy.” She began to cry smiling into the chiefs blue eyes, as he became a blur through the veil of tears that flowed down her cheeks in thin streams.  

“Show me to your warriors.” Her voice caught in her throat.

Chief Larry led them to the small training area for the warriors. The warriors stood as the trio approached the fire that they all sat around. The warrior Emile stepped forward “Chief Larry, what brings you to the grounds. We were to believe that you were staying with your child and wife for the night. Who have you brought with you this day? She is not from our Tribe?”

“This is Dame Alex of the Loomka tribe. She is here because I have requested that she train you to battle the sky gods and so it shall be. You will show her the respect you show me all who don’t will be punished.” At that moment they all looked up at the chief examining his expression they then looked to take in the women to his left and the main to his right. When their eyes returned to the Chief they nodded in agreement.

****

So their training began and in three moons they were ready for battle.

****

The battle began with the sky gods attacking the Oomatin tribe in full force pushing them to hide; but where can you truly hide when your opponents are gods? The battle was bloody and violent both sides having large quantities of casualties. Mitch, the oracle, set out to pray over the Oomatin’s dead and begin their burials.

Mitch and Alex had grown close in the time of training him teaching her the way of the oracle and her teaching him how to use a bow and arrow to accurately hit a target. To him she was the person that he trusted most in all ways. They had become close friends in such a short span a time that to them felt like a life time.

On the final day of the battle Alex approached the battle clad in her warrior garb. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail securing it out of her face. She wore the battle attire of a man with slight alterations to assure that it would serve her purpose. As she exited the small moss covered hut she stared at the quiet sky empty of light as it always was in the day. She wondered how the night sky could be so full of light and the day so empty nothing to lead them in their ways. Turning her back to the sky she walked towards the battlefield dagger in hand and bow and arrow strapped to her back.

Approaching the field she saw the chief of the sky gods, Cielo, walking down the plush stairs from the sky. She stared at his slow gait taking in his glorious beauty; he had long white hair reaching his shoulders and his face looked as if he was sculpted from the palest peace of alabaster he demanded authority just from the look in his shocking blue eyes. In a second their eyes locked and a look of pure malice reached his face.

Cielo began to run opening his mouth wide as a cry of battle pierced the empty sky. He whipped out his dagger as arrows began to whir the air piercing both Oomatin and sky god the same. Cielo continued his quick sprint across the field aiming for the spot that alex stood. She braced herself feet spread shoulder with apart as she brought out her spear to block the shot that the Cielo had as he threw the dagger at her heart. She smiled cockily grabbing the dagger out of the body of her spear she began to run towards her opponent jumping over the backs of her fallen comrades. As Alex and Cielo fought  she was wounded pierced just below the heart she continued to fight piercing Cielo many times before she fell to the ground before at which point she stood over him chest rising and falling quickly as she stabbed the chief in the heart watching as he took his final breath. Alex collapsed to the muddy ground that had already been so saturated with blood, and laid there blinking at the empty sky until it all went black.

****

That day Dame Alex died in battle and Mitch the oracle cried over her, his tears becoming the rain that kisses our cheeks. Alex got her wish and is now dancing with the wind as she waltz’s across our noses and lifts our skirts her still whipping out behind her but now taking through the sky. She is now the bright light in the daytime sky as she eats with the clouds, and she will forever be at war with the sky gods.

Author's Note

This is a myth i had to write for american lit. its not all that good but i kinda like it. I was hoping to get your critique........do your worst :)

Reviews

[Leslie Philibert]

Nice fantasy that needs another font...

[Coyote Poetry]

Larger letter type. Hard for the old people to read. Like me. I like the story. I like the myth and story of old. I like the situation, thoughts and conflict. Gods have big egos. Rarely can get along. I like the way you ended the story.
Coyote