Crasidenoit City - Desicration City

Tears had been sliding down her face constantly since the bad news had arrived. Mommy and daddy said that someone had climbed the golden staircase into heaven, they had told me this many times before but I never really believed them. All I knew was that God was a sick a*s b*****d that enjoyed causing misery to those that he supposedly created, which made me cry too. Smiles weren't something that I had seen many of since I was two and the first person climbed the staircase. Rachele, my cousin, was wandering through the woods one day when it appeared, they later found her body dismembered buried beneath rubble by the large creak. Apparently there were a lot of sick b******s in this town, they would take advantage of little girls drawing them into the woods late at night when there parents believed that they were lying in bed asleep.

 

My name is Amanda. I've never really listened tothe beckonings and even still my parents locked my door from the outside and nailed my window shut to keep me safe. When I was 5 they brought me an ipod filled with music to block out there voices so I wouldn't wander out. Lately alot of my sister Jamie's friends had gone missing. Jamie is the head cheerleader at school and is dating the head of the mathletes, weird right? Shes pretty but doesnt care what people think about her.

 

My name is Amanda. I have decided that I am going to go to the woods with a shot gun and save them. I'm gonna put an end to the vile acts that they are committing. They have taken my sister and my mother now which is unacceptable. I can not allow them to continue to kill and I won't allow my tears to continue staining my pillows. I have feared these creatures since I was old enough to know what they did and I now wish to cause them pain as they have caused all the people they have killed and those who they have taken from.

 

I allowed the temptation to leave overwhelm me and picked up my fathers shot gun as I entered the forest behind my house. Come now children. Come to the stairs. Here we have candy, dolls, and trucks to share. Come now hurry before they are gone. mommy and daddy are her to. Come to me we will care for you. 

 

I came but not for the promise of candy or dolls or trucks. I came for the promise of revenge. I stopped in the clearing and when I heard them approach I raised daddies shot gun the three men walked into the clearing with sick smiles on ther faces. I stood my ground.

 

You sick a*s b******s destroy, laugh, but now I will destroy you.

 

I fired killing them all then I turned the gun on myself.

 

My name is Amanda. I ended the dark period and destroyed ther lives.

 

My name is Amanda. Now I will destroy the creator. 

Reviews

[Derek Cummings]

Good action right off! Is this going to be a novel or short story? I can see it going further. Interesting characters and I liked the internal monologue you used.

[G!o]

Wow...o_O...this is really strong. Good writing that captivates the reader. Revise the grammar though, there are itsy bitsy mistakes there but the whole general reading is good and dark...
2nd paragraph..."to the" instead of "tothe"
...."a lot" instead of "alot"
..."block out THEIR voices" instead of "THERE voices"
..."my sister Jamie's friends" instead of "Jamies friends"
and revise how to use use tenses, there's a bit confusion of past and present especially towards the end...but still, lovely story...

[Leslie Philibert]

Very dramatic story with lots of action, like it. Maybe it might be worth a spelling check ( werent ), but you write very well for such a young person.

[TurtleClark]

thanks for the review i was writing this during spanish so i didnt have much time to do spellcheck and im glad you like my writing

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

Wow, speechless