Daylight

I wonder what masterpieces go through?

There is no changing fate.

One is born into this world with a life already laid out. There is no fighting that life, no stopping it, and there is no choice that one can make that would change the ending. Every ending has been fixed in time, and a story must always end the same way.

 

Her skin was flawless and pale, her hair down to her waist in waves and touched with the barest hint of daylight glow. That same daylight was echoed in her eyes, which sparkled like sapphires. Light rouge touched her cheeks, turning them a blessed pink, one that brought out the color of her lips, red and perfectly shaped, edges turned slightly down. Her neck curved into well-shaped shoulders and an even better-formed body.

Over that body was a thin white under gown, pure and soft silk. Over that, a flowing, gauzy over gown flashing with soft, brilliant colors overemphasized her lovely paleness. A white hat perched at a tilt on her head, with several dancing rainbow feathers in the peak.

The broad brim of the hat barely trembled as the girl made her way from one side of the room to the other, taking tiny measured steps.  The austere woman on the other side of the room nodded in satisfaction as the girl stopped before her.

“That was very well done, Midere.” She clapped her veined hands and carefully adjusted Midere’s hat. “How are you feeling now? May we start?”

Midere lowered her eyes tinged with daylight and clasped her hands in front of her. “Of course, Olwon, if that is what you wish.”

Olwon bustled around Midere, applying more minute changes to Midere’s appearance. “You’ve progressed so well. Father is going to be so happy that you’ve finally moved on.” She paused. “You have, haven’t you? Do you still want to escape?” She turned Midere around so that, if Midere hadn’t been examining the floorboards, they would have been eye-to-eye. “Do you?”

“Of course not, Olwon. I " know - what I’m supposed to become.”

I know.

A sense of relief entered Olwon’s voice, though her facial expression didn’t change. “That’s great, that’s wonderful, Midere. Father will be so glad. He’s been saying for months and months that you’re his masterpiece.”

Masterpiece.

“Yes. Of course.”

“It’ll be such a better fate than what most of us have received around here.” Olwon smoothed the gauze and then fluffed it, sending sparkles flying into the air. “Taken in for a day, a week, a year, than dumped and sent out with the burnable trash as something new walks into their life. No, you’ll have no such existence, Midere. You’ll be loved forever, you’ll be treasured, and - unlike us - you will never be forgotten.” She gave a last dusting to the hem of the skirt and then ushered Midere to a chair. “You’re so lucky.”

Lucky.

Midere sat quietly, a quick motion of her hands causing the skirts to billow around her, covering part of the smooth ebony wood. Her hair, sparkling with daylight spilled over her dress. She placed her feet next to each other, toes pointed straight and straightened her back.

Olwon walked over to a pair of tough cords, braided and both ended in a thick knot. One of the cords lay coiled on the floor, while the other hung around waist level. “We’ve all been put on display before, and we’ve all been taken home by someone. It’s worse when they take a long time choosing, when you’re the last one left. It won’t be that way for you, though. Someone’s sure to fall in love with you, you’re so beautiful.” She took a look at Midere and then stepped out.

Beautiful.

Stiffly, Midere placed her hands on her knees, one folded delicately over the other and lifted her head, tilting it slightly so that white brim of the hat just hovered over obscuring her right eye. Calm. Midere gazed into black cloth. Elegant. Graceful.

“Midere?” A little rabbit waddled from the side, a sad expression in its large, shiny, black eyes. “Are you sure?” It was in a sad state, with tattered fur and one ear that had been half-torn off in some long ago fight. “If you want, we can help you escape again. You can be free - like you wanted! I’m sure that this time -”

Children are sitting in a green, grass meadow. Flowers of every color imaginable dot the scene and there is a blue-checker picnic blanket spread out on the grass. On the blanket is a little brown wicker basket, its lid half off. Inside, there are cakes and tea.

Two little girls are sitting across from each other. They are reaching into the basket, taking out the sweet cakes and pretend tea. Next to both of them sit little dolls, with porcelain - or something very like porcelain - teacups in front of them. The children were laughing, the flower petals fluttering, and even the dolls seem to be smiling -

“No.”

The battered rabbit looked up at Midere, who faced her gaze ahead, at that only thing that separated her from her future. “But Midere! You’re not going to be happy! Father and Olwon are wrong! You shouldn’t just be a masterpiece! You should be able to have fun and play.” The rabbit lowered his head. “You shouldn’t be a masterpiece,” Its voice was low and sad. “They never see the sun.”

 

A man walked onto stage, his face generously coated with lines and scars. His hands were like giant spiders and held a black microphone. He rolled it nervously in his palm and waited for the clapping to subside to a dull roar before he lifted his hand and began to speak.

“Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to welcome you to my coming back ceremony after having retired 14 years ago. In the beginning, I was simply going to reproduce some of my more famous works in order to generate money for my toy store, but when I sat down to fix up those pieces, my hands began to itch, and tonight I would like to show you my newest creation. It is my first since I retired and started making dolls and playthings for children. This was probably the hardest work that I have ever done. Every time I thought that the idea was ready for creation, it slipped away from me, and I almost made another toy. In the end, however, I have finally managed to conquer all that, and this next piece that you see next is what I consider to be my finest work.”

He stepped to the side and lifted his hand and, as if by magic, with his hand, lifted the curtain of black velvet.

In the center of a stage, under a beam of intense light, sat a beautiful doll made of polished porcelain.

She had pale, perfect skin and hair and eyes that were touched by daylight.

 

There is no changing fate.

Author's Note

Please tell me if you understand what she is. Did I overdo the daylight part? Is it too distant? Are the italics/beginning little phrase too overdramatic and would it be best to leave those out? I appreciate all reviews.

Reviews

[Miss Evans]

This was really great, the entire story made sense and it flowed well. I liked the way that you broke apart the observations with her thoughts "Beautiful, Lucky" etc. It was a different way of doing it, and it worked well for the story.


Your style is very neat, clean. Your prargraphs are well-spaced, indented and such. Your use of italics was hardly noticeable, and not at all overbearing. In fact, you could have used more (like with the breaks of thought) if you wanted to.

I really liked the repitition of the first line; There is no changing fate. I think the story itself is really nice- Sometimes we all feel like we can't change anything, and no matter how hard we strive to lead something different in our lives, we end up right back at square one, headed towards square ten.

Bravo.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think I've been the porcelain doll once or twice in my life...the type that is wound to play music and seems so animated in its movements...I love the story...excellent piece here.

[Lei]

This was a really great idea for a story~ It's nice how you juxtapose the description with dialogue..but now I'm starting to sound like an essay, so.

There are a couple of sentences that don't really make sense, but otherwise, it's fine. ^__^

[VoodooWebs]

It is very, very good, I think. The beginning, the way you described her, I figured she was a geisha or something, but I feel I understand now that I've read the rest.
A couple grammar things. Instead of these little things > - < you have quotation marks. It's what happens when I copy and paste something onto this site. Other than that, I didn't see any other mistakes, but I might be wrong.
Great story.

[Shy Girl]

A very enjoyable story. I almost feel sorry for her in the beginning. Then I came to realize that she is a doll to be used in daylight. Tea time, child parties. The use of the decription daylight, I felt, were placed just right. I'm not familiar with the terms and such for critiques. But I really did enjoy your story. It makes me sympathize with knowing your fate and being unable to change it or become other than who you have be made as. Thank you for asking me to read it. She just sounds so lonely and in great dispair. Lovely piece. :)

[Chris]

Very, very well done.

Chris

[Raven Starhawk]

Truly a masterpiece. I feel its strength and it powers me to write something equally as amazing although I doubt I can emulate your wonder for the written word. You have a fresh flow here that really delivers itself.

[Livana Lowell]

Wow, I am dazzled by the diction; it seemed to have created a dance among words. I loved the lyrical flow. I understand it, an object born without a fate to choose, a choice between freedom and play versus grace and beauty, each bearing its own consequences.

Now about the daylight part, well, no you did not overdue it, but this line seemed a bit bland, "She had pale, perfect skin and hair and eyes that were touched by daylight." but of course this is merely my opinion. Unless, it serves as a refrain of words. Is that it? If so, just keep it.

I see that the italics is the bunny speaking. Although, the italics seemed to come out of nowhere. I can assume it was vision or no?

The beginning, actually no, it is not over dramatic. Also, no the story is not too distant; it's really good.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God bless

[Shep]

My notes: First off I really enjoyed the story it holds great meaning and I could see and feel the advents happening. Very well done. How ever I have made some suggestions and have emailed them to you. Please look them over.