Daylight

I wonder what masterpieces go through?

There is no changing fate.

One is born into this world with a life already laid out. There is no fighting that life, no stopping it, and there is no choice that one can make that would change the ending. Every ending has been fixed in time, and a story must always end the same way.

 

Her skin was flawless and pale, her hair down to her waist in waves and touched with the barest hint of daylight glow. That same daylight was echoed in her eyes, which sparkled like sapphires. Light rouge touched her cheeks, turning them a blessed pink, one that brought out the color of her lips, red and perfectly shaped, edges turned slightly down. Her neck curved into well-shaped shoulders and an even better-formed body.

Over that body was a thin white under gown, pure and soft silk. Over that, a flowing, gauzy over gown flashing with soft, brilliant colors overemphasized her lovely paleness. A white hat perched at a tilt on her head, with several dancing rainbow feathers in the peak.

The broad brim of the hat barely trembled as the girl made her way from one side of the room to the other, taking tiny measured steps.  The austere woman on the other side of the room nodded in satisfaction as the girl stopped before her.

“That was very well done, Midere.” She clapped her veined hands and carefully adjusted Midere’s hat. “How are you feeling now? May we start?”

Midere lowered her eyes tinged with daylight and clasped her hands in front of her. “Of course, Olwon, if that is what you wish.”

Olwon bustled around Midere, applying more minute changes to Midere’s appearance. “You’ve progressed so well. Father is going to be so happy that you’ve finally moved on.” She paused. “You have, haven’t you? Do you still want to escape?” She turned Midere around so that, if Midere hadn’t been examining the floorboards, they would have been eye-to-eye. “Do you?”

“Of course not, Olwon. I " know - what I’m supposed to become.”

I know.

A sense of relief entered Olwon’s voice, though her facial expression didn’t change. “That’s great, that’s wonderful, Midere. Father will be so glad. He’s been saying for months and months that you’re his masterpiece.”

Masterpiece.

“Yes. Of course.”

“It’ll be such a better fate than what most of us have received around here.” Olwon smoothed the gauze and then fluffed it, sending sparkles flying into the air. “Taken in for a day, a week, a year, than dumped and sent out with the burnable trash as something new walks into their life. No, you’ll have no such existence, Midere. You’ll be loved forever, you’ll be treasured, and - unlike us - you will never be forgotten.” She gave a last dusting to the hem of the skirt and then ushered Midere to a chair. “You’re so lucky.”

Lucky.

Midere sat quietly, a quick motion of her hands causing the skirts to billow around her, covering part of the smooth ebony wood. Her hair, sparkling with daylight spilled over her dress. She placed her feet next to each other, toes pointed straight and straightened her back.

Olwon walked over to a pair of tough cords, braided and both ended in a thick knot. One of the cords lay coiled on the floor, while the other hung around waist level. “We’ve all been put on display before, and we’ve all been taken home by someone. It’s worse when they take a long time choosing, when you’re the last one left. It won’t be that way for you, though. Someone’s sure to fall in love with you, you’re so beautiful.” She took a look at Midere and then stepped out.

Beautiful.

Stiffly, Midere placed her hands on her knees, one folded delicately over the other and lifted her head, tilting it slightly so that white brim of the hat just hovered over obscuring her right eye. Calm. Midere gazed into black cloth. Elegant. Graceful.

“Midere?” A little rabbit waddled from the side, a sad expression in its large, shiny, black eyes. “Are you sure?” It was in a sad state, with tattered fur and one ear that had been half-torn off in some long ago fight. “If you want, we can help you escape again. You can be free - like you wanted! I’m sure that this time -”

Children are sitting in a green, grass meadow. Flowers of every color imaginable dot the scene and there is a blue-checker picnic blanket spread out on the grass. On the blanket is a little brown wicker basket, its lid half off. Inside, there are cakes and tea.

Two little girls are sitting across from each other. They are reaching into the basket, taking out the sweet cakes and pretend tea. Next to both of them sit little dolls, with porcelain - or something very like porcelain - teacups in front of them. The children were laughing, the flower petals fluttering, and even the dolls seem to be smiling -

“No.”

The battered rabbit looked up at Midere, who faced her gaze ahead, at that only thing that separated her from her future. “But Midere! You’re not going to be happy! Father and Olwon are wrong! You shouldn’t just be a masterpiece! You should be able to have fun and play.” The rabbit lowered his head. “You shouldn’t be a masterpiece,” Its voice was low and sad. “They never see the sun.”

 

A man walked onto stage, his face generously coated with lines and scars. His hands were like giant spiders and held a black microphone. He rolled it nervously in his palm and waited for the clapping to subside to a dull roar before he lifted his hand and began to speak.

“Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to welcome you to my coming back ceremony after having retired 14 years ago. In the beginning, I was simply going to reproduce some of my more famous works in order to generate money for my toy store, but when I sat down to fix up those pieces, my hands began to itch, and tonight I would like to show you my newest creation. It is my first since I retired and started making dolls and playthings for children. This was probably the hardest work that I have ever done. Every time I thought that the idea was ready for creation, it slipped away from me, and I almost made another toy. In the end, however, I have finally managed to conquer all that, and this next piece that you see next is what I consider to be my finest work.”

He stepped to the side and lifted his hand and, as if by magic, with his hand, lifted the curtain of black velvet.

In the center of a stage, under a beam of intense light, sat a beautiful doll made of polished porcelain.

She had pale, perfect skin and hair and eyes that were touched by daylight.

 

There is no changing fate.

Author's Note

Please tell me if you understand what she is. Did I overdo the daylight part? Is it too distant? Are the italics/beginning little phrase too overdramatic and would it be best to leave those out? I appreciate all reviews.

Reviews

[Margarette]

This is a wonderful story. Full of creative approaches to a better plot. An amazing introduction to a character that becomes mysterious as the story goes on. I love this piece.

[Georgina V Solly]

I think that she is a doll and that she could be almost human. The man has put all he can into her creation and is showing her off not as the typical doll that litle girls love but as more of a possession, please tell me if I'm wrong. It's a bit like Pygmalion, who fell in love with his own creation.
Georgina. (see what you make of my "Trees that Breathe")

[Leona]

Its good , very detailed and everything was used nicley , i think the rabbit was tlkin right ? (yeh ) ....... i like this

[_]

oooooooooooo! says my the cheerios in my mouth and so do i. this is a cool writing piece different but nice fresh material i love it :)

[Cherrie Palmer]

I love this! And yes,a doll should be loved and not set apart from the child. A toy should become a friend to be cherished and not a masterpiece.

[The Shadow of the Dawn]

it's a bit confusing at the begining but i'm guessing thats what you were going for but other then that its realy goof

[Writingfox]

This is an interesting piece. I'm not quite sure what to make of it at first. The daylight is a bit distant but still makes sense. I actually applaud the use of the italics and the quote. It does wonders for emphasis and is a great technique, especially when used skillfully(such as here). I enjoy your writing style, its simple but with complex meaning. It is not perfect but you have great skill!

Kinda worn out my brain doing extra-long reviews for everyone... so forgive me if I leave out something or interpret the wrong way. But, did enjoy your story. It's what normally brain scratching speechless reviewers would clarify as: "Great" ;)
The work of talent is not even the correct description when it comes to reviewing your storyboard progression and meaningful undertones. Your style is somewhat reminiscent to a soft cloudy theme that turns dark and stormy when it comes to the message and when I read it, it all overflows with a sense of elegance, like the mark of a true artistic pen flowing a sketch of a wonderful landscape (a landscape being a storyboard instead of painting). Also seemed a little Alice in Wonderland to me combined with that movie by Jodie Foster starring Mel Gibson called "The Beaver" (which is a really weird movie, recommend skipping it unless you like WILD endings)...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beaver_%28film%29

don't really know why though, just the rabbit (which I guess is Midere's inner conscience) and Midere's magician like presence along with being a toy maker who's seemingly troubled.
The story ends with a hard work for nothing type tone that is really haunting when it comes to the character it's related to, and Zeitgeist hit the nail in my opinion of the story being mainly a lesson about empty admiration. My word for it all though is unappreciated work (lol, a little more bland description, but find it fits the story well). This is absolutely hands down a great effort put out to make a good story, and did it rock? oh yes, it rocked the audience with a cold to the bone with it's deep tones.

Truly I don't think the daylight part, to me, wasn't that overdone... it fits nicely I find. Causes no troubles to the mind atleast when reading the lines in comparison to the rest of the storyline.
The italics specifically in the mid section towards the end of the poem that fills a whole paragraph is probably the only one that causes problems for me. Other than that, the italics are place here and there so it's not too bad.

What's really awesome is the formating, it's excellent. Though it could still use a little work, but makes the story flow gracefully like a divine deity compared to some other's here. You wouldn't believe how much I didn't think format was a big impact on stories until I visited this site, lol. It's truly as the other reviewers say: A sad story, but very emotional. Not the kinda sad you drop a tear to, but the kind the makes the heart slow down as if it's about to fall out from a pain that sinks deep, weighing it down as it hangs loosely in your chest cavity. (hope that's a good enough description ^_^) Also, another amazing thing to note is the one-liners transitioning the paragraphs. Really makes the story flow well.

Though the format is really awesome and legible, some paragraphs seem to be divided into two sentences like the section before the exiting line... I'd look into that. Also, I find if you cut down the font size one more time it'll probably look perfect. Plus, I've already mentioned about the italicized words in a full paragraph.
Other than all that, there are no other errors I can find...

Conclusion:
You're work is very impressive, and I hope this review helps a bit. Would like to collaborate with you one day if I may insist, but only a offering if you look for future references. Great work, and keep up the good job ;)

Overall:
90/100 I think is a good rating... perhaps a good score for this?

[Shattered Dreams]

This is amazing. It's left me speechless. You're such a good writer, you've got real talent! Did she become a doll at the end? It's so sad... I love this. It's going into my favourites!
Good work and well done!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was a sad story. There was a lesson about empty admiration as opposed to being loved as a person. The sun was depicted in all of its natural glory. I only feared what would happen when it was no longer there. Excellent work.