Ravens

This is a sad poem about two people in love but they got taken away from each other and now the world just seems to have fallen apart.

They used to walk together

Now they walk alone

their paths twisted and torn

The best year of her life

Gone down the drain

leaving sorrow, wishing for the grave

The air is suffocating 

There is no air for her to breathe

Her life marked by a slim tombstone 

Or ashes in the breeze

They stole her light 

leaving her darkness

The darkness grew, consumed

It swallowed her whole

they used to be best friends

Now they are lonely 

Twin flames of a fire 

turned into illusion, nothing there

She cannot breathe

The world has come crashing upon her shoulders

When the ravens come cawing 

she'll be ready with her arms bare

she is like a noose swinging in the air 

waiting to close on the victim 

yet she is the victim 

He left her in denial 

He left her when she could've needed him the most 

He left her with a broken smile and a bleeding heart 

For now, all she is is ashes

For now, all she is is stone

He broke her soul

Now she is a shell 

Not really living, but there 

Tears like frozen crystals

Drip down her face

she is so cold 

like ice waiting for the melting sunlight 

she is so hard, like stone

Trying not to break

she is so empty 

there is no filling her void 

All she wanted was to be loved,

Loved by someone who wasn't herself

But that was too much to ask from the world

so they tore her apart 

and filled her with darkness

They stole her light 

Now she cries in the moonlight 

For she is alone

Without a way back home 

Wondering when the ravens will come 

come cawing to tell her fate

she is lost 

No stars to guide 

It is dark where she resides

They left her with a broken mind 

And a shattered heart 

There is no one to pick up the pieces 

And put her back together again

She is afraid 

Afraid of what her mind says 

For he was a noose swinging in the breeze 

And she fell to his trap 

Now They both swing to the wind's sad melody

Author's Note

I am not good at my grammar but I would like to know what people like about my poetry. what is the story, what theme can be taken from this, what do you like about it, and what do you not like?

Reviews

[willweb]

It seems to be a story of two friend, perhaps they became lovers but he was toxic and the relationship fell apart leaving her hurt and scarred. I like that it feels like it came from the deepest part of the heart. One issue I had though, very slight, very minimal, but I will tell you anyway...the entire poem seems to be written in 2nd person but the line "Our paths twisted and torn" reads funny. I would think, "Their paths" would work better.