Unknowns

sadness, tyranny, darkness, love.

She likes to f**k. I don't care for it. She's got a body for it. She wants to f**k. It's all she wants to do. I've tried to explain to her. I don't like to f**k. I'm not a little boy. If i wanted to f**k i'd go to rio-de-janeiro. She looks into my aging face. My watery eye's. So blue. She kisses my worn lips. Rolls her fingertips across my trembling hips. Her lips so soft like silk. Embracing my neck. She smells of lavender and sweat, with but a hint of sun tan lotion.

I can't f**k her. That would mean. Everything about me was not hers. It would cheapen all that i want to be to her. I can't have less than a life time with her. I need to know. I have to know. That she is mine, And I am hers.

It's too damn hot for the night. The moon looks wonderful. A slight wind blows the lace curtains of this loft. She pretends she is reading my over sized copy of "For whom the bell tolls." I know better though. Her dark brown eye's follow me. I tried to be serious. I tried to ignore her. She know's i could never ignore her. She knows me better than i know myself. Finally she drops her ruse. With palms holding her fragile face. Staring right at me, She whispers in between smiles. Make love to me? Please? Before I even look up. She already knows. What my next thought, move, and desire will be. My mind quickens. My thoughts instantly are lost upon her. To say I love her is a grave understatement. I can't help but to smile. She smiles back, but adds the allure of a thousand full moons.

One touch from her skin. One kiss from her soft subtle lips. One simple embrace, And I am lost. I am no longer on this plain I call dirt. Earth is instantly gone. She is my heaven. My earthly haven. There in that place. There is no pain. Neither death. Dread has no power. I am free. Within her loving arms, I am carried away. To a place I know not. It is surrounded by lilacs and lavender.

Every kiss is winter upon my mind. Her hot hands crashing upon my weary flesh. She is a volcano on my frozen body of ice. I cannot stop myself. My hands react. They have a mind of their own. My fingers caress the strands of her hair. My breath becomes strained. My heart becomes explosive. She moves with the ease of a predator upon it's prey. Although with the gentleness of a feather.

She bites my tender lip. She runs her hard nails down my chest. Kissing. Nibbling. I can feel her soft skin. I kiss her soft. The room begins rolling and spinning. reds and blacks decompose. I fall into her and lose it all.

I can hear her. I can feel her. She thinks I am dead. My chest is still moving. My breathe is still felt upon her. My tears are still wet. My goddess I am lost. 

It is cold now. The heat has disappeared. The wind is bitter and cold. Just how I like it. My eye's don't want to work. I can't feel anything. Numbness abound. I try to force my eye's open. 

It is dark. So damn dark. There is no light. Dark and blurry. I hear a voice, but I cannot make it out. It sounds foreign to me.

I am always falling. The darkness my blanket. I am still cold, though I enjoy it. My chest feels wet. Although not from sweat. I feel lost. My eye's are still lost in this darkness. However I can now see a very shallow light a good distance off. Nothing makes sense in this blurriness. Everything is wrong.

Time. My head feels so heavy. So damn very heavy. My lips are moist but my mouth is dry. I'm thinking of Sahara's. My arms feel drastically weighed down. My legs. I cannot feel my legs. Panic wants to take root. My eye's are still blurry. My mind is racing a thousand miles a second. I can now see, but with a reddened tint about everything. Darkness is still about me, though not overpowering me. 

My love. My goddess. I am so lost. She is gone. I am gone. Tears well up. I feel so strange. So hidden. Her face haunts me. The memory of her touch. Nothing seems to work. I am beyond frantic. So dreadful. This horrible mystery. Forsaking me. Frozen infinitely in this loss of time. Outside of everything I know. I curse you time.

Falling all over again. Darkness swarms me quick like a plague. My thoughts race wildly within this blackness. I am lost within myself. Sleep forces it's way upon me.

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The heat is slowly disappearing and light sprinkles overcome the city. The moon now comforted with a simple blanket of clouds.

Soft fingers find my flesh. My old and worn flesh. It feels like magic. Her fingers are bliss. My body cannot help but to react to her touch. It is so electric. So inviting. So very heavenly. She is my goddess. 

I am ice. Why am I always winter. She is summer. I love her warm body on top of me. It is f*****g glorious. There are no words; She is untold magic.

I am a terrible mess. I am a virus. damnation and dread flow through these veins. I corrupt all that I touch. I will infect you. I bleed to devour; To destroy.

I'm dying in her soft arms of warmth. I can't help but to bleed upon her. She freaks as blood rains down upon her. I fall into the deathly winter wind. Ice and blood take me once again. I fall and collide. The moon and darkness embrace this child of death once again.

I awake in onyx and bubbles. Freezing waters. Ice and scents of green apples embroil me. The brightness of birth explodes upon me. My eye's feel so heavy and frail. My body aches with a severity I have never known and my head is so heavy. Waves upon waves. Shocking my system. I try to move. It is lost to me. I feel so alone. So cold and isolated. Nothing makes any sense.

Whispers. Soft and sweet. Lightly caress my mind. Trying to erase the shock waves of pain. Floating in the sleepiness of this moment. Icebergs crashing. Winter is colliding in-between me.

Oh, this beast she startles me. Collapsing me. I fall and I stumble. Her flesh overwhelms me to death. She whispers love to me. She kills me ever so gently with the touch of exquisite gentleness. Her body is all the magic my heart needs.

Weak as f**k. My arms are as anchors. My legs as heavy stumps. Still rooted to the ground. Discontent. My skin sweaty and exhausted. 

My heart aches and my mind is an over worked engine. Indifference. So many thoughts and dreams decaying inside this body wasting away. Infected by the day. The virus which I breathe and exhale. I am terminal. I am inhuman and frail.

Love is my cancer. Sweet and hot. Forever bleeding. My heart dispels logic if ever there was any in my weary head. My mind overwhelmed by every thought. O' sweet love, softly decay's me. You my wonderful beautiful love. You are my breathe. My wind. Caressing me in so many dreams. O' how I draw so near to the one which kills me. I give you all the power. You thrill me, And will me. I dare not ever wake.

In the mountains. The tree's. Large and overbearing. Bow to the beauty which is you. The wild flowers dance in the southern breeze underneath the soft touch of your caressing hands. The fowls crash and collide. Though they never die. Their is magic in your beautiful eye's. Leaves of a million shades rain upon you. O' what a night which parades for day.

From this I know. Bliss begets soft lips. To kiss and cherish. With even a single embrace. It is the sparkling of magic's touch. To race and to hold love tightly. Never let her go.

Blackout.

Remembering, nothing. Forgetting everything. Remember stupid. Only pain. Only time. All I can remember is the embracing of the instant night. Was there anything else. I cannot recall any of it. Time has left me. Only the blackness of nothingness comforts me. Darkness thy sweet mistress.

Blood. I can recall blood. Watching it rain in slow motion. As if  it were falling leaves in the midst of a day pretending to be night. Am I cold? My name is winter. She calls me winter. Who is she? She is my moon. Why is she? Who am I?

I can't pretend. Nor can I lie. I wonder if I exist at all? Am I real? Am I just a season, lost without reason? She said I was winter. I remember, I am winter. Bitter and cold. So f*****g cold.  I am ice, and I am blood. Frozen. She, She is, my goddess. My life. My heaven. She is summer. Bronzed to perfection. She is bliss. The softest lips I could ever wish to kiss. She calms my wintry out of control storms. She is wonderful. So magically beautiful. Did I mention, she is my moon.

I am sweating again. Profusely. My skin boils. Blood drips. In shallow sprinkles. I scream in the agony of her soft touch. Soft warm water drips from her gentle hands. Tears slip out and mix with water, sweat and blood. I fall into the sweet oblivion, yet again. Why am I always falling and never rising.

She prays. She pleads. To all the gods. To all the saints. She whispers in anger to them all. She covers me in her soft warm flesh. Promising to never let me go. Ever.

I'm dreaming again. Dreaming rather too hard. Dreaming infinite dreams. The heat was back as if it has never left. My pores fresh with sprays of blood collecting in imaginary land masses.  On my palms, I can almost make out Rhode Island. I can see a reddened Africa on my aching chest. Painted in my own blood. Like tattoo's in red ink. However this was neither red ink nor tattoo's. 

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Reveling in my own tears. The pins of pain inching deeper and deeper invade. Collapsing in upon me. I cannot feel anything outside the pain and hot tears falling outside these wearied eye's.

Her naked flesh feels so soft, so delicate, so damn amazing. Hot and wondrous. There is no other feeling in this world. It is heaven to me. Truly beyond words to me. She is my magic. The only magic which keeps this dead boy on this forsaken rock. The magic which tries to cradle all which is broken in this heart of mine.

She can't stop the tremors of my dread, nor the eruptions of my revolting flesh, but she makes all the turmoil worth it. One look into those beautiful eye's and my pain takes a back seat. She washes over me as winter in the forest of evergreens. She is ice to the boiling blood in my infected veins. Her smile is the chorus of the infinite goddess that she is.