The girl who kept spouting nonsense in a park.

A girl kept spouting nonsense while loitering around a park. Why does she keep doing it? Will she get anything in return? How come no one is stopping her?

Grating my jaws together, I tucked my body deeper into the itchy coat. My fingers trembled and colored themselves white as I force the expanding fabric to cover my body. 

~~Tuck Tuck Tuck~~ 

I walked in a straight direction without caring about the frozen orange bricks of the park, the hardened crystal puddle that formed due to years of weathering and the happy voices of the couple behind me.

Have the park always been this numbing? How come there's a lot of people? What day is it today? I flipped up the cheap handle of my aged leather bag and took out my phone. 

A candid line ran from the top of the screen up to the bottom, thankfully its still working despite the damage and the line is thin enough to ignore.

Pushing the power button up top, the screen came to life, presenting a silly picture of myself and apps scattered around the said picture. 

It was 11:25 PM - December 24, 2019 

Ah so that's why, I didn't even notice it was Christmas eve. As the realization came, the boisterous chatter and giddy movements of a mother and child filled my vision. I stopped and waited for them to pass as the mother pulled her child gently. 

"Ma! I want a big present for Christmas!"

"Have you been a good boy this year?"

"Yes, I watered the plants everyday and greeted our neighbor every time I saw him." 

"How about the veggies? Have you stopped secretly throwing vegetable whenever they get on your plate?" 

"Uuuhhh... Does it really matter?"

"Of course silly!" 

Despite the boy's upturned brows, the mother's lips widened and showed her dazzling row of teeth.

I closed my eyes, shutting the warm scenery in front of me. 

How long has it been since I talked to my mother? Where were the times we talked to each other about stupid and nonsense stuff about food and presents? 

It has been months isn't it? The last time I saw her, she had creases on her forehead running down like heavy rain and a torrent of sadness welling up behind her eyes. 

She kept saying about how she's worried about me and my future. 

How I'm not meeting new people or finding a man.

How I've always had a sunken face whenever she sees me.

I felt my face and winced at my icy cold digits- despite the weather, my fingers glided smoothly on the greasy and pore-ridden surface of my skin.

Gently tracing downwards, a sunken portion trapped my index. There was an indentation between my lips and cheeks, enough to store a puddle of water.

And why not? Everything has been a mess, nothing went my way and my heads is currently in shambles. 

Dreams, opportunity, chances all dashed like a ship to an iceberg. 

I'm like a hamster stuck in a maze with a snake, and the ways to escape is develop a set wings to fly out. 

Of course, hamsters don't have wings, and the longer I remain, the closer the snake slithers.

Its about to catch up to me and I still haven't found a way to make wings.

I wonder how would people react to a girl with a permanent frown on her face? And why? Well... That's because:

I have a job but I don't like it.

I have a person I want but he doesn't like me

There's a skill I want to develop but I don't have a talent.

and I'm about to reach my 30's without establishing anything to be proud of!

It should be reasonable to have a permanent crows feet on my face right?

With everything that's happening, It feels like my world is ending.

And with everything burning inside, I couldn't do anything but frown and scoff at the noise.

"The world is ending!" 

"You must change your ways and regret!" 

"Only then, you shall be saved"

Amidst the jolly crowd in the park, a girl stood at the center holding a grimy placard with the words: The world is ending clumsily written on it. 

She kept spouting words about how the world will end and people should regret their actions. The usual apocalyptic stuff. 

Despite the sea of people passing through and through, I noticed her crumbling dull brown dress and hole-ridden jacket on her shoulders. 

No matter how much she screams, people ignored her just like how my colleagues do to an Irate customer.

A thick eyebrow ran across her forehead and beneath them is a pare of circular dark eyes with smudges of mud and dirt. 

Hints of frost are noticeable on her cheeks as she blabber away with missing teeth. 

Is it weird to say that she's the most pleasing sight against all the people around me? 

Like moth drawn to the fire, my legs moved without my permission. 

Who is she? Why does she keep talking? Is she expecting anything in return? And how come no one is stopping her?

A rancid smell slapped my nose the closer I got to her, evidences of piss and feces draped her dress. 

She's like a disgusting stain in a wall of perfectly coated paint and you just can't help but notice her. 

Standing inches from her, I held the cuff of my arm to my nose and looked at her. 

My mind began racing just like how my nose flinches from time to time. 

Should I talk to her? Heck, why Am I even here? This is a mistake isn't it?

Yeah it is, I should walk away, there's still a mountain of work to do back at the house.

As I was about to turn away from the girl. I noticed her hands raising towards me. 

The filthy jacket followed her grease slathered hand, and inches away from my face is an index finger. 

Dirt and crumbs of food are noticeable underneath her over grown finger nails, goodness! I hope I don't get scratched by those. 

Surprised at her actions, I turned back to her and cocked my head. 

Is she trying to tell me something? Is it my face, perhaps my frown has disturb her?

Minutes have passed and she still has her finger pointed at me, isn't that uncomfortable? 

I looked away, curious if the crowd were seeing this. 

Sure enough, they aren't. I mean, why would they waste their time gawking at a crazy girl pointing to a woman with a permanent scowl. 

"You should regret your sins!" 

The girl blurted, causing me to twist my head. 

"Sins? You mean how I should not steal and covet my neighbor's wife?" 

The girl nodded

"That too! But there's something more!" 

I scoffed at her

"Look, I have no time for your religious mumbo jumbo." 

"And yet you came to me, you have something to confess don't you?" 

I felt my cheek pulling itself. 

"Confess? Of all the people I can confess to, why would it be you? You aren't even a pastor! You're just a crazy girl who kept saying the world is ending!" 

Immediately, I covered my mouth. With cheeks burning, I turned around to see if people heard my outburst. 

Thankfully they did not, or rather, they chose to ignore it. 

I began walking away from the girl, this should be enough, my curiosity is sated. Its just a crazy girl. 

"The world is indeed ending, can you not see their broken dreams and hope reflect on their faces?" 

My foot suddenly became dead weight. I stood like a nail in a coffin. 

"I keep telling them to renew their ways and regret their actions so they may learn. Of course, they didn't listen and now all I see are empty vessels forcing themselves to smile."

Once more, I went to the crazy girl and saw my mother's expression on her face.

How come she can look like that despite being in a worst situation compared to the people around us?

Empty vessels? Are we even seeing the same things? Everyone is merrily spending their day!

I don't know why, but I can't stop myself from correcting her. 

"Are you crazy?" 

"That seems to be the general consensus" 

She remarked. 

"How can you say the people around us are empty vessels? Can you not see their smiles?"

"Just because one is smiling doesn't mean they are happy."

"Oh really? And how do you know that huh?"

"All you need to do is observe" 

The girl sighs at me and then pointed at a pair, if I'm not mistaken, they are the couple I passed by earlier.

"Look how the couple smile at each other and stare at their phone all the time, aren't they engaged with each other's company? Why look at a phone when you are with someone you love?"

Fascinating, it seems like the girl isn't as crazy as I thought, she seems to be capable of critical thinking.

"People see but they do not observe, the difference is clear should they pay attention to details and not with a passing remark." 

"Don't go Sherlock Holmes on me, just because you see one doesn't mean everyone is the same!" 

The girl's teeth peered at me. 

"Is that so? I suppose you are angry at me then?" 

"Of course!" 

"But all I see is a sad girl who wants someone talk to." 

"Huh?" 

"Your actions are evidence itself." 

Actions...? Oh... Right... Was talking to her.

I scratch the side of my head as I try to justify why I was talking to her. 

Its because I was curious right? I wasn't lonely or sad at all!

"Although I may not have the solutions to your problems, If you are happy with me, I'll be happy to give you an ear." 

The gentle words of the girl travelled to my ears. She sat at the damp edge of the fountain and patted a spot near her.

"This is ridiculous..." 

Irritated at my self's inability to refuse, strength left my legs and I took the spot near her while keeping some meters away. 

The freezing cement pierced through the combined warmth given by my underwear and skirt. 

This is definitely the most uncomfortable seat and conversation that I've ever had. 

"Now tell me, what troubles you?" 

"You wouldn't understand..." 

"I may not understand it but I can listen to it, I'm crazy after all... " 

The girl giggled. 

Ugh! What's with this woman? How come she can smile like that?

My joints started to wriggle, desperately trying to keep me warm from the weather.

The crease on my forehead began to dug deep as I look at the girl.

Her black eyes were laser focused on me, they're so focused that I can even feel heat coming from them!

"Haaa... I don't know..." 

"Hmmm... I understand..." 

"Huh?"

I winced at her words.

"The fact that you are not able to choose a topic of discussion crystalizes my doubts." 

"Your doubts...?" 

"You are lost aren't you? Unsure of what to do in your life and how to get them?" 

The girl looked at the looming night sky.

"I may even be as bold to say that you're currently crazy from the maze of trees obstructing your path." 

"C-crazy... Me...?"

I followed her gaze and glared at the stars dancing across the atmosphere. 

"Luckily, I'm very kind so I'll be giving you something that most people don't have." 

Smitten by her words, I perked my ears.

"What is that?"

"A goal."

"Huh?"

What? A goal? This is something that she's giving me?! Is she crazy?!

Wait... What Am I saying?! Of course she is!

Is she saying that I don't have a goal?!

Everyone has a goal! Its something that they have as they move forward in life!

Its what I've always looked up to while I traverse this s****y road called Career. 

To work hard, to become good, to master something. 

My dreams, My recognition, and My efforts!

All of these are not achievable without a goal!!!

How dare she?!!!!

She who keeps standing in a park holding a filthy placard...

She who wore dirty and hole ridden clothes..

She's the one telling me that I don't have goals?!

"Oh wow! That is so kind of you!" 

"...."

"Ah goal huh? You're giving me a goal? All right! Fine!" 

With a forceful swing, I stood up and loomed over her. 

I ignored the multitude of stares and the bone chilling wind sweeping across my back.

Challenging the still eyes of the girl, she blinked once and spoke.

"What you have is not a goal, but rather, a willingness to succumb to the expectations of other people." 

"Hah?" 

"Tell me, have you once thought of saying no to something that you don't like?" 

"That depends obviously! You can't say no every time just because you don't like it. You need to look at the context and how people would react!" 

"Is that so? Next question, have you ever step out of line and order when you found something that didn't agree with your values?" 

"Again! It depends, there are some things I can agree and disagree to, it all depends on the context and situation!" 

Seriously! These are all nothing but common sense! 

I scoffed at the girl

Wondering why she's asking me such obvious and easy to answer questions.

"I see... Last question, have you ever listened to yourself?" 

"Huh....? Listen to myself?" 

"Should be easy to answer. If your mind and body tells you no, you simply say no." 

Well... yeah I guess.

But... You can't say no just because you don't want to! That would be selfish and rude!

Even if... my body and mind are telling me... No...

The girl stared at me and nodded.

"Have you finally realized?" 

"...."

"The so called goals that you have are not yours. They are constructed from the necessity of obliging to other people."

They are not mine? Impossible! How come they are not mine if those are the things I want?!

I drilled a hole on the girl's face using my vision, causing her to sway her crumpled hair.

She raised her hands and began lifter her fingers as if to count.

"To all of my question, your answered like a headless chicken. Always dependent on how the people would react with your action." 

"Of course! Its the most responsible thing an adult would do!" 

"Indeed, that's why all the people I see are nothing but empty vessels, trying their best to smile." 

"You can't be happy all the time! Misery is a part of life, you can't completely remove it! But that doesn't mean you can't have happy moments from time to time." 

"Correct, and that's what I'm preaching to people. To change their ways and regret their actions. They have been drowning in nothing but sadness without any pockets of happiness throughout their whole life." 

"Without any happiness? Are you serious?!" 

The girl shook her head and pointed at me once more. 

She had a glum smile plastered on her face.

"Because if they are, people like you wouldn't exist." 

"Hah? Are you telling me to die?" 

"Hate, spite, as if the world is against them. If people have respite in their life, they wouldn't be bitter as a bug, just like you." 

I don't understand, what is she saying? People aren't happy at all? 

If that's the case, then wouldn't they tell others that they aren't happy?!

Nothing is stopping them from saying so right? If you aren't happy about something then just say it! 

You don't need to care... Care... About how they will react.

That's odd. The world suddenly turned blurry as a straight line of chill ran down my cheeks. 

I gently raised my arm and swiped at the substance staining my face.

They were my own tears.

Why? Why Am I crying? 

Is it because I'm sad? No... Just being said wouldn't be enough to cry. 

Is it because I'm wrong? No... Even if I'm wrong, that wouldn't be enough to cry about.

So what then? Why Am I crying? 

I see... 

Its because I couldn't prioritize my dreams in favor of another person.

Its because I can't fight for the one I love due to the difference is position

Its because I can't show and tell why I feel in consideration of another person.

Left alone in time, the crowd around me kept moving. They are as busy as an ant. 

Excited at the future prospect of their life and loved ones, they swayed with spring in their steps. 

And at the center of the crowd is me and a crazy girl. 

I wonder what people are saying about me now that they saw me talking and crying alongside a girl who kept saying the world is ending. 

Are they berating me? Mocking me? Goodness! Why did I even talked to the girl again? 

With a messy vision I turned at the girl and saw her looking at me. 

I sighed. 

"You must think I'm pathetic aren't you?" 

"Why so?" 

"I mean, I just cried in front of a crowd because of a meaningless conversation." 

"True, but I didn't find it pathetic although I thought of it as amusing." 

Haa.... Great, the girl found amusement in my misery. Looks like another brand in my skin.

"But even so, I would never think of you as pathetic."

"Why?" 

"I don't know you after all." 

"Hah? You have the gal to say that now? Didn't you just call me bitter and spiteful earlier?" 

"That's because you are, your actions and intent said so. But pathetic? I beg differ."

"What's the difference?"

"Having to bottle up all your feelings, give up your dreams and give way to others just to be considerate is amusing but not pathetic." 

"Ugh... That's just crazy talk." 

"I am crazy after all..." 

Hazy smoke started to come out of my mouth, an evidence of the dropping temperature. 

Due to the chillness, I finally noticed some of the heated stares from the crowd.

Their shifty eyes, glancing away whenever I'm about to return the gesture. 

Ugh... Great... Now they think I'm crazy as well...

They already saw me talking to a crazy girl, crying in the middle of the park is par for the course. 

And yet, I felt strangely satisfied. Satisfied that somebody understood me. 

I felt my lips widening as the realization came to me. 

Of all the people who talked to me in Christmas eve, it has to be the crazy girl. 

Once more, I looked at the girl - She's currently rubbing her palms together as if she's trying to start a fire.

Once more, I sat beside the girl although a bit closer this time. 

And once more, I looked at the bustling crowd, greeting each other Merry Christmas. 

"Oh right... It's Christmas." 

"It is indeed..." 

"Err.... Merry Christmas?" 

"Thank You, Merry Christmas as well." 

We looked at each other and cracked a laugh due to the ridiculous situation. 

Our merry laughter got lost in the crowds boisterous chatter. 

Feeling my hunger creeping up, looked at the girl. 

"Hey... Want to eat something?" 

She cocked her head.

"Are you seriously inviting a crazy girl to dinner?" 

I smiled.

"Yes, indeed I am."

"Follow me then, I know a good place to eat..." 

And so I did, I followed her and took my first monumental step for all things to come.

I resisted the judgment and mockery of other people.

As ridiculous as it sounds, I found my goal due to a crazy girl who keeps spouting nonsense in a park. 

Author's Note

I think it's bad but hey! I finally completed something!