a great escape

I just kinda started writing this and just let the words come to me

broken heart and an aching soul

shattered dreams that spread across my floor

there's a bottle in the corner 

seems Jack is my only friend

all alone with nowhere to go

this pounding in my head 

that never seems to cease

empty, there is nothing here

lost it all with a blink of an eye

it's almost like I'm falling 

but I never hit the ground 

it's almost like I'm drowning 

but I'm still breathing

it's almost like I'm dead 

but really I'm just invisible

your sticks and stones

don't hurt no more

but your words slice into my soul

there's nowhere to run

and there is nowhere to hide

I lay me down to sleep now

as I close my eyes I pray for better things 

as I dream of a world far from my own

for a time when I can escape my cell

this prison that holds me in it's grips

its iron grip 

that never lets me go

but to me it's always been my home

for I've never had the chance to roam

as I lay me down to sleep 

tonight is night to take my chance

I say my prayers and bow my head

tonight is the night

I draw my sliver from drawer

as I whisper my last goodbyes 

the crimson stain is all thats left

my dear do not weep

for my lock has been broken

and I am free

 

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

Well, that certainly went from sad to despondent in a flash (I always enjoy emotion based writing). Overall, nicely done. You're content is solid all the way throughout, but I saw one typo. Tonight is night to take my chance, there's a the missing. That was the only one I saw, but I'd recommend always quintuple checking your writing (especially after taking a break from it for a bit. You're more likely to notice something missing if you do that). Overall, great job. You nailed it this piece. :)

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

thank you I appreciate the review, I'm glad you like and I'll fix it, but overall thank you so much . :)

[DoormanDan]

No problem. Anything to help a fellow writer. :)

[...]

NICE TRIP DOWN WITH DEEP WORDS. I FEEL LIKE FALLING LEAVE TO BE BURN AND YET STILL FEEL ON LIVE AND HAPPY.

[apennylate]

It's almost like i'm... Beautiful and soul twisting. Simple but brutal execution. Some of that wordplay...
*I draw my sliver from drawer
as I whisper my last goodbyes
the crimson stain is all thats left*

Like the use of sliver here, and the cascading stanzas... Excellent.

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

thanks so much

[apennylate]

Of course, keep at it.

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

you too :)

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

A deep poem with good wordplay. I like these stanzas the best.
¨this pounding in my head
that never seems to cease
empty, there is nothing here.¨

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

thank you so much

[roamingraven]

Very deep,good word play

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

thank you, I'm glad you liked it