Sky

Unsaid

Sky

Pre-determined days slipped away so evasively until it was the day for us to part our separate ways. I remember waking that morning and feeling part of me missing. As I drove you to the airport, silence sat patiently between us and curled a cloaked arm around us. Even though you were only a few inches away, with each passing moment, you felt further and further away until you were far beyond my touch.

Through sign-in, baggage drop-off, and security, I wondered if you felt dread in your heart too. Staring out of the vast windows a sense of finality set it. Soon you’ll be in a different world from mine. While I chose to stay close to home, you picked a school on the other side of the country where it summer year round. Hopeless despair robbed words prematurely from my lips. A few times I attempted supportive words and tried a reassuring smile. They were forced and hurt to form on my lips.

As we sat next to each other in silence, I thought about the precious time we were together. Days, months, fleeting moments, where did the time flee to? At that moment, I desperately wanted to catch elusive time and demand more time. It was just too fast.

Then the clear feminine voice called your flight. “No!” My heart screamed as you stood up. “Too soon! Too soon! Don’t go!” Your face turned away from me like the pale moon hiding behind a protective cloud. You stopped. Without thinking, I reached over and curled my hand under your chin. I gently guided your eyes back to mine. Though you promised a long time ago not to cry, tears threatened to rain down from the stormy eyes. The only thing I could do was to hold you and I tried hard to suppress tears that threatened to fall on my face too.

“Last call for flight 18.” I cursed the fake voice. You made no motion to leave. Feeling a rush of warmth towards you, I leaned down and tenderly kissed your forehead. You shivered a little at my touch. Time stopped briefly in its unending pace just for that second. Suddenly, I felt muscles moving away. Without warning or another word, you broke away from my hold.

I watched helplessly as you got closer and closer towards the portal. The fake blonde attendant ripped your ticket and flashed a dazzling smile. I wondered if you noticed.

As the reality of the situation sank in, I realized that this was my last chance. Muscles moving, I took a couple of steps, words on the tip of my tongue. There was so much to tell you. Things I never got to say. That I loved you and didn’t want you to ever go. But your raven-colored hair already melted into the shadows of the carpeted hallway, without even a backward look.

I stood by myself, hollowness deafening. Some people around me made some sympathetic noises but moved on with their lives. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered now.

I never thought how difficult it would be to drive when I was acutely aware of the empty seat beside me. Cranking up the radio, I hoped to drown out my own thoughts. It worked a little, but it didn’t fill the hole in my chest. My hands guided me back to the park where it all started. As soon as I got there, I hastily closed the door and staggered to the grass beneath the tree. The park was empty and almost ghostly.

Phantoms of memory formed themselves into a pair of children. Their laughs echoed into eternity, into oblivion. I always knew that I would smile when I look back on the tears, but I never thought that I would cry when I look back on the laughs. Something welled up inside of me and fought to break free.

I want to scream towards the sky.

And I did. I screamed the words that I couldn’t say. “I love you!”

This time I knew it wasn’t a “like” that I had said to you before. It was a love that I could never forget.  The power of the yell echoed off the trees and earth and back to me. For a heart-stopping moment, it sounded like your voice. “Love you…”

I want to hear it again. So I yelled again, too anguished to feel foolish. “You’re the only one!”

“Only one…” in its short life, the illusion made my heart lift ever so slightly. But, when it too disappeared with the apparitions of us as children, my heart shattered. Silent cries rocked my body. My entire existence called out for you.

My heart that’s about to explode calls out to you.

Please come back to me…

Reviews

[Lost in Wonderland]

Such a heart breakingly wonderful chapter.