Picture in the attic

Finding the album

Picture in the attic

Thunk! An angry cloud of dust flies up when I drop the cardboard box onto the attic floor, annoyed to be disrupted after so many years. I cough a little, swiping them away. While the little storm particles start to descend and settle down onto other boxes in the small space, the musky scent of the attic returns. A playful wind dances in my hair from an open window.

In the dying light that filters in, faded black Sharpie on the cardboard reads something like A BUMS. Reaching into the gaping mouth, my fingers feel around then slips over a smooth leather binding. As I heft the surprisingly heavy album out, I pat the soft covering, revealing a deep wine color with the gold letters of PICTURES etched across.

Settling down and letting the evening light dapple the sheets, I flip through the slightly stiff pages, causing them to crinkle a little. Each photo is somewhat dusty, but in otherwise good shape. The numerous figures inside, forever frozen within the fames of the photos, smile up at me and I can’t help a grin in response.

Then I find that picture. I gaze at it before reaching for it. Carefully lifting the smoke-colored tape on its edges, I raise it against the sunset light. Your smiling face shines from the morning light from the picture and the celestial glow falling on the glassy surface.

I’ve got a picture of you.

Soaking in every detail as if I was asked to memorize it, I can almost feel the wind that passes through your long unbound hair…almost hear the sound of the lush green leaves rustling behind you.

“Your face is still young in this photo,” I can’t help but note.  “Ah,” I remember as I read the subtitle beneath where the photo was before. “It was your graduation. How long has it been?” I chuckle a little to myself.  “It’s been a long time. Almost a lifetime. So much as happened… “

There are tears, pains, and sorrows but also laughs, love and warmth with the road unending. Dreams to chase after. But the most important thing is…

Prompted by these thoughts and the comforting glow of the setting sun, my mind is swept back into memory on the back of shining wings.

Author's Note

Any suggestions?

Reviews

[Amelia Harris]

Good job. There were a couple of typos and you're missing a few commas here and there. And the second-to-last paragraph is a little strange. I understand what you're trying to do, but it almost doesn't seem like it should be there, like it's an unfinished sentence. You might want to work it a little. But overall, great! Can't wait to read more.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

First off, I am no expert. What I offer here is nothing more than my opinions. I'm no bestselling author, in fact I don't even think that I ever even got an "A" in an English class. But I'll tell you what I liked and what I thought seemed a little off. I'm not trying to make myself feel important (I hate when people do that) I'm just telling you what I think. That being said, I'll go ahead and review:

Critically speaking, I noticed one apparent typo. In the line ...

"... forever frozen within the fames of the photos ..."

I think "fames" should be "frames. I I think that the sentences ...

"An angry cloud of dust flies up when I drop the cardboard box onto the attic floor, annoyed to be disrupted after so many years."

"Reaching into the gaping mouth, my fingers feel around then slips over a smooth leather binding."

Is a bit of an overreach. In my opinion, personifying dust is a bit much. The story that you are setting up leaves me mildly curious. I wonder if there is anything else you could tell us here to make your reader feel more compelled to read on.

Again ... I offer these simply as my own non-expert opinion and I hope that they are helpful to you and in no way hurtful or offensive.

[Amelia Grace]

I really like this chapter. Great start to the story.