Road

My second assignment for my writing class

Original:

Loretta and Mick were driving down a lonely highway one winter night. The car hit something, making a loud noise. Loretta and Mick bickered about whether he was driving too fast or not, then they got out to see what was hit. They peered into the darkness, seeing nothing.

 

Mine:

Chilling November wind blew hard against the baby-blue sides of the small car. Mick, dark brown-haired and lean, drove with one hand on the steering wheel. The other tapped lazily against the window. Loretta stared blankly out of the glass, the color of her eyes perfectly matching the cloudy night sky. Nothing could be seen for miles on the lonely highway, only faint outlines of trees.

“Could you slow down a little?” Loretta requested. The speed was making a little uncomfortable.

He made no sign that he heard her, green eyes focused on the empty cement road that seemed to stretch into eternity.

“Mick,” she tried again. “Could you please slow down?”

“I’m not going that fast.” He replied, annoyed.

Quickly peeking at the speedometer, she thought the red arrow moved up a little.

“Plus,” he added. “There’s no one here.”

“But you still should be care—”

“I am!”

Bam! The unexpected noise and abrupt decreasing of speed immediately shut them up.

“What was that?” Loretta asked, voice rising in sudden panic.

“I think we hit something.” Mick said, after a moment, eyes wide. The lights inside the car lit up as he turned off the engine.

Loretta shoved him a little, blue eyes flashing angrily. “Because you were an idiot and drove too fast.”

“I was not!”

“Whatever,” she said, opening the car door. “Let’s just make sure the car’s ok.”

The sound of slamming doors echoed along the endless fields. Loretta wrapped her long jacket closer to her body against the chilling wind. Mick crouched down. There was a pause then…

“Nothing’s here.” His voice sighed with relief. Loretta’s only reaction was to climb back into the car. The journey in the cold winter night continued on, only this time in silence and with caution.

Author's Note

Any suggestions?