The window

An assignment for my creative writing class

Usually, spring rain makes me happy. The clearness of air, fresh flowers, greener grass and everything that followed is enough to make me smile. But today, cheerfulness is replaced with anxiousness. When is he coming?

Striding over to the large windowpane, I sit against the white wood to begin my vigil. Outside, a spring storm shakes the night. Pouring rain and light wind throws themselves against the walls of the house and my window. Even in my eager nervousness, I feel a strange calm take over my body, but not touching my mind. I rest my head against the cold wall, midnight hair falling back. My black eyes gaze gloomily at the heavy shower that lay beyond that glass. The strong roll of thunder that pursues the flash of lightning can be heard through the window. A sigh escapes my lips, slightly misting the window.

From the kitchen, the sound of sizzling vegetables and meat can be heard over the patter of inconsistent rain. I close my eyes, letting the scent of various spices waft into my nostrils. My heart beats steadily in my chest, patiently waiting.

Pitter-pat-pitter-pat…pitter-pat-pitter-pat…

After a soft moment, I open my eyes again. Through the window I stare again. My heart sinks a little as my eyes scans the grassy fields. No sign of people. No figure along the dirt road. Only hammering rain and carefree wind. Waving grass and flowers. Dark storm clouds. I sigh.

And I continue to wait as the spring rain falls heavily against our lone house.

Author's Note

Any suggestions?

Reviews

[SR Urie]

Hi Aldora,
Interesting write, no gripes for spelling or punctuation. If I may, your story would be much more interesting, more 'reader friendly' if you give me, the reader, more to chew on. You’re in a house and waiting for "him." You walk over to the kitchen and you hear the sizzling of some thing or other in the kitchen. You mention the rain and the "carefree wind."
Okay.
What is the house like? Is it old, is it spooky, is it crowded or is it lonely? If it's lonely, why is it lonely? Who is missing/ who is "he"? Where did he go and why? Is he your dad or your uncle or the ghost of your old boyfriend you dumped or that dumped you?
What is the rain like? Is it torrential or just moody/dark/unsettling or is it a hurricane/tornado? Why is the wind "carefree" and what makes it that way? Is it first thing in the morning or at dusk, or is it the middle of the night and the grass and the flowers are illuminated by some floodlights in your imagination? Or are you having a dark dream and you wake up next to this ‘guy’ you miss so badly?
Lots of questions, right? I recommend that you paint the setting of your story like you would draw a picture with a landscape that has a house, the house you’re talking about. Tell me where it is and what the place is like. Fill me in on the time of day and the season and the circumstance the main character is (the person who is missing ‘him’) in, and then describe your feelings of solitude and the sounds of the frying hamburger/bacon/bubbling bunny rabbit; etc. Describe the way “he” looks and talks to you and makes you feel when he’s nice and when he isn’t so nice. And end the story with either more questions yet to be discovered by you, the writer, or by giving either a happy ending with you rapping your arms around him or a sad ending in which he never shows up.
You need to try to make your story interesting to the person that is important to you as a writer; the person reading your story. It’s way too easy to put a tedious story down and pick up another story by another writer that keeps my interest, that sparks my curiosity. This is a good start to what can be an interesting story about your feelings and maybe burning the fried eggs, so to speak. All you have to do is the work, and finish writing it.
Keep it up! You’re on your way.
S