Doubts

Grief and major change can do terrible things to your mind and make you think terrible things. This is in reference to doubts I had in my relationship.

Why do I doubt your love so much

Why do I look everywhere but at you

I wish I didn't have such a wandering eye

It pains me so much when I hurt you

The grief, the loss- present in your eyes

Showing the hurt I have caused you

But I can't decide sometimes

If I love you or if I am settling for an idea

A concept

I hate that my mind wanders

Because it makes me doubt things when I have nothing to doubt

Unsure, uncertain, melancholy

I have no idea how to feel anymore

I miss the past

And can't dream of the future accurately

But the present is too sad to live with

Did I love him?

Or am I over blowing it?

I know the answer but still my grief controls me and makes me believe false truths

I miss when my mind was clear and I was able to focus on life

And not think of everything that brings me down

I miss the old us

I miss the old me sometimes

We need to move into the present

And find a way to survive in the future

I love you, but sometimes I doubt everything

I don't want to

Make it stop

Make my mind stop.