Prologue

not done yet, but critiques and reviews are needed!

    Pulling my cotton collar tighter around my neck, I ambled back to my family's Inn. It seems that I have forgotten how strong April's gusts were. Struggling to move my fingers, legs aching I looked up at the stars. The sun was long eaten up by the lands and my hunting trip has nothing to show for it. I pulled the leather straps of my gathering bag around my shoulders, relieving the weight from my forearms. I found a few wild berry's and a touch of mushrooms but nothing special. The moon cast blue shadows that danced on the ground from the swaying trees. It reminded me of how a flame dances to the squealing crackle the wood makes when burned. 

    The air has a smell to it, I sensed an edge of sadness, that shattered warmth and confidence from my soul. Taking bigger steps I pulled my collar tighter ounce again. The coldness radiated through me from the loss of heat. No-one questioned my senses because they where always right, so I didn't either.

    One time I sensed the beekeeper was in danger, he lived up in the meadows past the forest to the east. Pleading for my father to send help he finally did. There was once a time when my father would go himself, but he was feeble now of age and his magic weak. He sent the blacksmith, Gared Smith, to the Apiary to assure everything was fine. He was a stout, yet had a muscular build from swinging a hammer everyday to shape metal. This made him perfect for the task, skilled with a sword if there's danger and fit for the journey. After two nights he trotted in with a golden bear dragging behind his horse. The ruby-red blood mixed with the road's dust leaving a trail. He told the story later that night, men huddled around in excitement.

    "So, I grabbed the beast with my bare hands and snapped his neck," he paused for effect, "CRACK!" Regardless of whether his story was true or not, he did bring back a bear to support parts of his story.

    I found myself at the foot of the door to the Inn. A sign hung above it. A carving of a mug splitting in two with black ink spelling The Shattered Blessing. The whole Inn itself is carved out of an oak tree. Leaves were verdant green and the tree itself is held up by magic. My father told tall-tales over ale and bread about how this tree came about. Truthfully no-one knows how the oak tree got the magic. One thing for sure is my father knows more than what he told in those tales. 

    Lanterns hung from the lower branches keeping the place lit and welcoming after dark. Part of the inn that is added on to the left resembled a traditional thatched cottage. It spanned out over the river where a water wheel turns. Creaking sounds in the otherwise quiet night could be heard. To the right I caught sight of my garden that I took care of. The garden provided the menu with the freshest food. There is usually a group of folk in late, there was none tonight. Which was odd because good old Tim Elm gets angry without his bedtime medicine. All of a sudden the door jolted open, it was Mary a look of sadness upon her face.

    Mary looked at me with tear-filled eyes. "I'm sorry, Kale your father's sick."

    "Don't be." I asserted, "I'm sure you'll be able to cure him. What herbs should I gather?" Mary was our towns healer.

    "The illness is like nothing I've seen before. He can't move and his skin... well go and see for yourself. I'm sorry Kale there's nothing I can do." she said looking at the floor avoiding eye contact.

    This was not a time to be sad. I had to show my strength especially in these times. The Eliss Kingdom, has been raiding Sevpol every month for the past two years. They take livestock, chicken eggs and other goods. As the town protector, now I had to face these raiders and make sure there was enough food left behind for the following days. How was I to do that if I cry over my father's illness? People will see a morning child who's not ready to lead.

    "I'm not a child. I'll be fine. Go, I'll look after him. See if you can find anything about my fathers illness in the library." It was true that my father was getting old, but he just started teaching me magic the other day. Now he's ill? My stomach churned. I wanted to keep my eyes closed forever to trick myself into believing it was just a dream. Mary was a healer but not a magical one, anything that herbs and alcohol can't cure there was no hope. By the sounds of my fathers condition he wouldn't last the six days journey to the capital. The capital would be the best bet on finding a skilled healer. Nonetheless I will find a way, maybe I could find an ancient?

    "Everyone has a right to remorse for a loss, even a man," Mary said raising her right eyebrow a bit. She turned on her heal and walked past me through the door, leaving me alone. I agreed with her, but I had to show no weakness. I need to prove to the village that I am a man and not a 14-year-old child. I must protect them and make sure our newborns and youth are safe from harm.

    My father once told me no-one has to be taught to fear the dark. He said, "You'd be a fool not to fear the dark in these times!" Darkness has a unique way of pressing around its victim, in-till they can't breathe. There is only one thing more dangerous than darkness: love. I love my father. The news of his illness is slowly killing me. Faster than anything I could possibly imagine. That night I cried myself to sleep.

Author's Note

Be Honest :)

Reviews

[Andrew Ballard]

First thought: Grammar and spelling. But that is less important at this stage.

So, first off, I like the concept. Really looks like you are going somewhere with this. But I cannot tell where. I feel like you are adding too much into the introduction, at least for my taste.

I am not saying you need to get rid of any of this, but perhaps slow down the information feed. For example, you are going to your family's inn. And then you throw in this part about your senses that feels completely unrelated, as you have no mention of him sensing anything.

You then move on to a flashback, which goes on for a while before jumping back to going to the inn. Even beyond that, more information is given.

What I am saying is, It feels like you have not decided how exactly you want the story to begin. Do you want to talk about the Inn and your father, or the bear and your senses?

Also, one thing I've read about writing is you want to be careful about stating information the character knows. Why would he contemplate the history of the tree if he has heard it may times? Perhaps later, toss in an explanation to a village newcomer (which, in turn, tells the reader), or something along those lines.

So, in summery: Be careful about moving too fast with your information, feed it slowly and with reason.

I look forward to reading more. If you need extra information or are confused, I am happy to help you understand in any way I can.

[Jean R.R. Branson]

Thank-you. I understand what you are saying :) By the way I would return the favor to you and review one of yours but I am not 18 so I can't see your profile.

[Andrew Ballard]

I'd appreciate that.

The thing is that I am unsure what my audience will be, and it will probably fluctuate between stories. In any case, I have changed it to 'Teen' since my only story is appropriate for that point.

So you should be able to look now. Feel free to send me PMs!

[Angie]

Very good start, but a lot going on. I love your writing style. A few grammar errors, but not enough to detract. You set the scene well and your character Kale already has some diverse and interesting characteristics. He/she has some sense of when things go wrong which makes he/she stoic and potent, and yet, he/she cries. Very interesting mix. Usually powerful people don't to have vulnerable traits and I honestly find it refreshing. I couldn't tell the gender, which is totally fine. Up to you if you feel like including it. Be careful with your tense. You write this in the close past, which means there's present tense for ongoing things, which can be a bit confusing. Overall, I really like it and I'm excited for more. Great job!