Chapter 1

The gun lay inches from Craig's hand. They left it there with one bullet in it. Carson had told him to commit suicide or to crawl back and try to use it on him. He couldn't do either of them. Moving was impossible. Two broken legs.  After all he'd been through that was all it would take to end his life. He'd failed again after all of that hard work he'd been reduced to this. Crawling to a gun for one bullet. One shot wasn't enough to protect him from anything that decided he'd taste good. He didn't regret screwing up. His grandfather taught him that failing was a part of life and that you learned from your mistakes. Crazy b*****d. What did his grandfather know. He hadn't accomplished anything in life.  Tears streamed down Craig's face.  He wiped them away and imitated his fathers deep voice. Men don't cry. He'd told Craig that when he was on his deathbed. If only he was more like his father. If he was stronger none of this would have happened. His dad was a legend. When Craig was born people said he would do great things. Here he was laying face down on the dirt helpless. His vision was blurry, and he fought the urge to pass out. He didn't want to die yet. His only talent was the ability to resist pain. He reached for the gun again. This time his fingers closed around the handle, but he wasn't sure how a gun with one bullet could help him.  

 The wolf bit into his already useless leg. It dragged him across the ground. Craig pulled the trigger and watched it fall over dead. He hoped that it was alone. There went his only bullet and his only hope for survival. He threw the gun away and then he regretted it. He could have at least tried to use it as a club. The sun was setting. It wouldn't be much longer until the day ended. If he survived the night another day of torture would begin. He looked around again for something that could help him. Trees expanded in every direction. People had lived here before, but it was along time ago.The forest had overtaken the buildings. He was sure he'd learned about them before. If he remembered right they'd lived here until 200 years ago when they disappeared. They were never heard from again . One of the buildings was in better shape than the others, and the design was different. He thought it was a shrine. At least that's what it looked like from the out side. He prayed to what ever god or goddess that had been worshiped there that someone would help him survive. Then he passed out.

Craig woke up in the dark. He made a mental note note to thank the god or goddess that had helped him. He could move one of his legs. He was pretty sure it was broken earlier. If it wasn't he wouldn't have had to crawl thirty feet for the gun Carson had thrown away. He still regretted not holding onto it. He rolled over and fell 3 feet busting his lip on the ground and sending a wave of pain through his still broken right leg. There wasn't a place he could've fallen off of someone must have moved him. Craig tripped over something on the floor. He heard someone say ow. He picked himself off the floor his useless right leg was starting to annoy him . That was the third time he'd hurt his already injured leg in less than 5 minutes. The person he'd tripped over lit a candle. It didn't help he still had trouble seeing anything further than 5 feet away from him. She stood leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She wore clothes that were all white Her  blonde hair came down to her shoulders. She had a chain on her left leg. He followed it with his eyes. He'd got himself into another mess. He was chained to her. Now he'd have to save her if he wanted to escape.Plan A was for Craig to find out who was holding them prisoner. Then he'd knock him unconscious and walk out of here. Plan B was to stay there and play poker with the guard if there was one. Craig asked the girl for her name she told him it was Angel.  She asked him how his leg was doing. He said fine. She told him that they would be leaving tomorrow. Craig cursed at himself for being stupid. Her news ruined plan b. They would be executed tomorrow. After all of the torture from the day before he would be executed. His luck was terrible.

The day passed by slowly. No guard came to check on them. He didn't know what to think of that. He'd thought about it for a long time. Then he decided that they must have came before he woke up since Angel gave him something to eat earlier. She made him nervous. She was always staring at him. He'd asked her about it and she'd just told him he was the only person shed  seen in a long time. That made him wonder how long she'd been imprisoned here. He hated not being able to move around.If his leg wasn't broken he could get them out of there. There wasn't anything he could use as a crutch. He'd complained about it to angel and she told him he wouldn't need one. That only made him want to escape even more. Their time was running out and there was nothing he could do about it. He felt more hopeless then when he was laying on the ground defenseless. At least then he was alone. No one would have to see how weak he really was. He couldn't see how Angel could be so happy.

 Angel woke him up in the morning. She had to explain something to him before they left. He had misunderstood what she'd told him the day  before. They weren't being executed. She told him she was a goddess from the civilization that had disappeared 200 years ago. All of the other gods and goddess died. Angel was the last one.She explained how she could heal people and how the gods would die if people didn't worship them. Craig didn't believe her until he realized  his legs weren't broken anymore. He'd saved her life and she'd returned the favor with the condition that he couldn't leave her side. That explained the chain.They were the only ones that could see it.  He asked her to remove the chain but she couldn't . She was still to weak to heal someone properly. If the chain was removed his legs would be useless again and she would die; since he was keeping her alive. That must have been why he felt so tired.

Reviews

[Megan]

The idea is very original, so kudos to that. But some of the text is confusing and bit bland. it feels a bit like I'm reading form a textbook. Try separating your paragraphs more often, and indenting them on the first line. You should also try to combine some of your simple sentences into complex and compound sentences. In some places you do have compound sentences, but you don't have commas.

Also, try adding dialogue. For example:

Imitating his father's deep voice, Craig said, "Men don't cry."

You should especially try to apply this where Angel and Craig are speaking. Maybe try describing what Angel looks like too, even just vaguely. We don't need to know exactly what color of clothes she is wearing, but maybe you could tell us she is wearing 'a torn and tattered dress that somewhat ancient, and maybe even ceremonial'. Don't take that specifically, that's just what I imagine she might wear. And she's a goddess, so maybe she emanates some kind of power. I don't know, she's your goddess, have fun with it.

Lastly, on that last paragraph where it says Craig misunderstood Angel, it seems a bit unnecessary. How does he misconstrue that into being executed? if you added dialogue, maybe she could mention how close she is to dying, and he misconstrues that. That makes slightly more sense.

Anyway, i like the idea of this. Keep working on your writing and carry on with the story. :) I think it'll be a good one.

[Matt Ritch]

Thanks for the advice. I had anther chapter I was going to post but, it needs to be redone because parts of it don't make sense. It will have more dialouge than this one. There isn't any action in this chapter because I was trying to introduce the main characters. Do you think that's what made it bland for you to read or is it just the way that I wrote it.

[Megan]

No, introductions are definitely good. Try to throw in some more creative writing. What's that phrase English teachers use? "Show, not tell"? Get some adjective going. Tell me more about the ruins of ancient civilization around Craig. Tell me what Angel looks like. What does their prison cell-thingy look like? Make it a movie with words. :)

[Matt Ritch]

I like to let the reader imagine as much of the story in his or her own way, so I don't want to go into to much description on the characters and setting.

[CLUTZ]

Interesting, a little slow going though and you should go back over this at some point to fix it up. There are a few mistakes and I wasn't always sure what was going on, but this isn't bad for a start.

[Matt Ritch]

Thanks I'm gonna go back over it soon.

[Jag]

Love the concept. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Matt Ritch]

I'll have more posted soon. Ill send you a message when I'm done.

[Calibaster]

This is really interesting, and fun to read, but you need more commas and lots of quotation marks. great job though! keep up the good work!

[Matt Ritch]

Thanks I'm glad you liked it, and I put in commas everywhere I thought they should go. I guess I missed a few. Do you think it's better than my last one. I still haven't decided if I should continue with Odyssey.

[Calibaster]

you should never truly scrap a story.