Atlantis Rising

this was a short story i did just for fun one day... i plan on finishing it and adding a lot to make it a novella...

Atlantis Rising

 

12:07 pm, December 8, 2012

 

            As Alan Walker strode briskly through the masses of people, he silently cursed his parents.  This wasn't his idea.  All this trip is going to do is take him away from his studies and his friends.  As he neared the plank, he gave his ticket to the attendant, who said:

            "Good morning Mr. Walker.  You'll be staying in cabin 2734. "

            Alan grunted his reply, and walked to his cabin.  As he reached the door he heard the people next to him talking. 

            "You know, if the Mayans were right then we're all going to die soon.

            My god, must people continue with the nonsense about the end of the world?  Can they not see these Mayans were just a bunch of  loony Indians?  Of course Alan had heard it all before, how the world was going to end of this year, or some nonsense.  He reached his door, and just before he was about to walk in, a man came up to him and said:

            "Please young sir, if it's not too much trouble, will you mind praying with me?  You see the Mayans predicted that in December…"

            "Go away"  Alan replied in a cold voice

            "But please young sir, in their sacred book, Chilam Balam, they were most explicit…"

            "Let me put it this way, if you don't stop annoying me, there'll be hell to pay."   

            "Fine then, when The Lord comes, may he send you down to the fiery pits of Satan's realm!"

            Alan turned away with a scowl on his face, opened the door, and walked in.  As he started unpacking, he thought: "Some people in this world are idiots.  This is going to be a long trip, but hell, at least it's the Caribbean - my parents could've come up with worse."  He had no idea what was in store for him.

 

11:34 am, December 10, 2012

 

            Alan was angered to be interrupted from reading by his annoying neighbor:

            "Young sir, did you hear the Captain's announcement that he is diverting course, and taking us through the Bermuda Triangle?  Do you need further demonstration that the End is coming?"

            "Go away!!!  The only thing that is coming is the end of my patience with you."

 

 7:00 am, December 11, 2012

 

            Alan was hugely annoyed to be awakened from sleep by his neighbor:

            "Young sir, did you hear the Captain?  There have been underground earthquakes in several places, and huge tsunamis are expected to hit both coasts of the U.S., Asia, India, Europe and South America!"

            Alan was beside himself, being woken up at a terrible hour by this apprehensive ninny: "Leave me alone!  Surely you misunderstood everything in your imbecilic paranoia!"

 

10:00 am, December 11, 2012

 

            Alan was awakened again a few hours later.  At first he thought; "I swear to God if that imbecile tries to talk to me one more time…" But Alan rose and wearily walked over to the door.

            "Young sir, the Captain has reported that there have been massive casualties near the coasts of all continents.  Shortly after, all radio and satellite transmissions went dead. If this is not a sign, then what is!?"

            "Here, I'll show you a sign … " and without a second thought, punched the man in the gut and slammed the door.

 

11:00 am December 11, 2012

 

Alan lay in his bed reading when the intercom crackled:

            "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this your captain speaking.  We have lost some satellite reception.  But …"

            But before the captain could finish speaking, the intercom went dead.  Alan didn't think much of this, but then he heard a deep rumbling beneath the ship, and within a few seconds he was thrown off of the bed and onto the floor.  As Alan staggered to his feet, the lights dimmed.  "Now what the…," but before he could finish that thought, he was thrown back down to the floor, something hit the back of his head and everything went black.

 

1:00 pm, December 12, 2012

 

            "Dang, that hurt," Alan murmured.

            "Yes, I thought it might, young sir," his neighbor said gently.

            "What happened?"

            "You heard the captain's announcement?"

            "Yeah"

            "Well shortly after that, the waves grew to a monstrous size and several people were thrown overboard …  But here's the part that’s really weird.  A whirlpool appeared in the sea in front of us, and out of it came a huge city.  Some people think it is Atlantis.  Then out of the tallest tower a huge yellow dome appeared and swallowed everything within a one-mile radius.  We are inside that."

            "So you're telling me that from Atlantis' tower a huge yellow force-field got everything within a one-mile radius and everything else went kabluey?"

            "Well, in a matter of speaking, yes.  Oh, and by the way, my name's Cross, Michael Cross."

            "So, Cross, you still haven't answered the 54 million dollar question: where the hell are we?"

            "I have no idea."

            Cross helped Alan to his feet, and they slowly walked into the city.

 

1:30 pm, December 12, 2012

 

            As Alan, Cross, and the remaining survivors filed in to the city, they began to explore.  To everyone's surprise the city was empty, and the city looked like everybody had gotten up and left only two minutes ago.  Food was still on tables, stitches on knitting half done, a ball on the road, all with no dust or mold on them, or even drops of water, odd for a city that came out of the ocean.  A question was on everybody's lips: "Where is everyone?"

            After the entire place had been searched, they went their separate ways and decided to make the best of what they had.  Cross and Alan decided that even though they had their differences, they probably knew each other better than anyone else, so they went into a medium sized house, and unpacked their few remaining possessions. 

 

11:00 pm, December 26, 2012

 

            Alan came awake as he heard voices.

            "No I haven't seen him, and neither has Alan."

            "What on earth could they be talking about?" Alan wondered.  He finally gathered that one of the survivors had gone missing.  This was a serious deal, as there were only about 200 people left.

            "Have you tried checking in the warehouses?  Because when I went by them yesterday I would've sworn I'd smelled something."  Alan asked.

            "No we haven't," the crowd answered.  As they walked towards the warehouses everyone grew silent.  They all could smell it, they just didn't know what it was.  Even after two weeks had gone by, they hadn't explored many of the warehouses.  As they reached the source of the stench, many people backed up.  Finally, one of them was brave enough to go to the door and open it. 

            There were many gasps as they found the missing person.  Next to a stack of boxes was a skeleton with meat still on it. The bones had been cracked open. 

            "My God … his marrow is gone!"

 

4:00 pm, January 4, 2013

 

            Everyone had gathered in the center of the city.  At least all that was left of them.  Over the past nine days more than half of the remaining survivors had gone missing.  Eventually all had been found in the same fashion as the first.  Mangled bones found in deserted corners of the city.  Terror was rampant. 

            "Maybe the Mayans weren't crazy after all…"  Alan thought.

 

                       The End

Reviews

[Dante Walker]

heh.. i guess i should add to this that the story was finished earlier than i had hoped because it was an assignment for school... the word limit was set so i had to finish way before i wanted to and i never really got back into it... any tips would be greatly appreciated ^_^

[Here No More]

This is a cool idea but the ending felt rushed. It also put a damper on any other possible stories that could come out of Atlantis--what the eater of bones is (sounds cooler than "eater of marrow"), who takes on the task of destroying it for the sake of the (arguably) last population on Earth, the foibles that come about with trying to integrate surface people with underwater people, who the underwater people were and where they came from.....there are SO many directions you could take this that I've pretty well convinced myself you should slash this ending and make this a series instead.

I also suggest developing Alan and Cross much more as characters--what makes them tick? Right now they're pretty faceless. All we know is that Alan is a skeptic and Cross apparently forgives transgressions VERY easily.

[Greystone]

Heh. I loved the ending here: "Maybe they weren't crazy after all!" It's an excellent example of irony. This was an enjoyable story, however; I would recommend just quickly scanning your work for grammatical errors. It's something we all have to do, however arduous we may find it--believe me, I know the feeling of hating that part of the tree! :D

Do keep writing, this was an excellent piece and I can say honestly I look forward to seeing more.

Note: FicWriter has a point--pace was a bit speedy for my taste.

[Greystone]

Heh. I loved the ending here: "Maybe they weren't crazy after all!" It's an excellent example of irony. This was an enjoyable story, however; I would recommend just quickly scanning your work for grammatical errors. It's something we all have to do, however arduous we may find it--believe me, I know the feeling of hating that part of the tree! :D

Do keep writing, this was an excellent piece and I can say honestly I look forward to seeing more.

Note: FicWriter has a point--pace was a bit speedy for my taste.

[FicWriter]

A very intriguing idea. I think the pace is a little fast, considering the scope of the story, and there's one spot in the beginning where you used the present tense instead of the past tense. But you've certainly got the knack for a good story. I see a whole lot of potential in this idea, especially with the relationship between the narrator and Michael Cross. I think it would be really cool to expand on this idea. Keep it up!