A quick write up

A quick write up

A Chapter by Dani The Unreviewed
"

Hope you like it :)

"
Remember the words? All of them, like entire worlds. Remember the days? The lazy, morning "hey's" Remember the first time? The sweet wine. Intoxicating, intense feeling, All the wounds, healing. Maybe another day, Another way... And I'm all over in this world. What I gave you, All i ever gave you, Came from my burning heart. What's it worth? I don't know, Maybe the price is low. But, do read my words below. I love you.


© 2016 Dani The Unreviewed


Author's Note

Dani The Unreviewed

My Review

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Featured Review

Glad I stumbled upon this, short and sweet but really lovely.

I love Poems that evoke a sense of thoughtfulness with their timing and rhythm. It doesn't feel like the writer is writing to a metronome. It feels like... well thoughts really. Which I think works really well for the subject matter, it's not thick and weepy and overdramatic. It's a quiet simple thought, love, longing, regret?

My only suggestion in really more of a personal one. I like the way it ends with the I love you, I think it's sort of final and quiet and sincere. But it makes me wish it had just a bit more impact. I think removing the other mention of love, "We call it love. It flies like a dove." would give the final line more of a.. emotional gut punch? The line isn't necessarily bad, but it's a very common comparison without much emotional impact here. I think it's omission would do more for the poem than keeping it in.

Just my two cents on that, either way I love the poem.



Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

correction applied, it's looking much better. :)
Aeolian

9 Years Ago

Oh wow, I'm surprised you agreed. Glad I could help. :3
Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

i never turn down good advice :)



Reviews

Poetic words. I enjoyed reading your poem.. It flowed lovely. The rhythm and rhyme I really liked. Pure and genuine words, the video as well, expressed very well. Good Job! Keep writing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

hehehe yea. the vids cover image is a bit scary eh? lol. but the song goes well with the poem.
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In love we heal
and we sit back
and remember everything
and feel warm again

a write very close to the heart i must say

Posted 8 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Wow!
Danny, this is a beautiful tribute to your loved one.
I felt the lovely, simplistic, heartfelt words pouring out like honey!
Boy, you are very talented!
Kudos!




Posted 9 Years Ago


Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

Thank you :)
Jyoti_Ablaze

9 Years Ago

Very welcome!
This is great bro. I loved the rhyming scheme in the beginning.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

xD. thanks :)
McBear

9 Years Ago

Np lol....
Glad I stumbled upon this, short and sweet but really lovely.

I love Poems that evoke a sense of thoughtfulness with their timing and rhythm. It doesn't feel like the writer is writing to a metronome. It feels like... well thoughts really. Which I think works really well for the subject matter, it's not thick and weepy and overdramatic. It's a quiet simple thought, love, longing, regret?

My only suggestion in really more of a personal one. I like the way it ends with the I love you, I think it's sort of final and quiet and sincere. But it makes me wish it had just a bit more impact. I think removing the other mention of love, "We call it love. It flies like a dove." would give the final line more of a.. emotional gut punch? The line isn't necessarily bad, but it's a very common comparison without much emotional impact here. I think it's omission would do more for the poem than keeping it in.

Just my two cents on that, either way I love the poem.



Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

correction applied, it's looking much better. :)
Aeolian

9 Years Ago

Oh wow, I'm surprised you agreed. Glad I could help. :3
Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

i never turn down good advice :)
This is beautiful!

"All I ever gave you, came from my burning heart".....

Such smouldering and on-fire love.........it is, in fact, priceless!

Posted 9 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Hey Dan, glad you had some time spent with someone close to
This past week, your writing shows your happy feelings and
Emotions, a cool quick write up, thanks.

Posted 9 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
hey dan. keep it up. thanks for the reminder. writing is everyday!

Posted 9 Years Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
"What I gave you,
All i ever gave you,
Came from my burning heart.
What's it worth? "
I love those lines Danny... nice work buddy!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dani The Unreviewed

9 Years Ago

Thank you :)
Loved it! So sincere and simple. 100 points!

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on August 11, 2015
Last Updated on February 20, 2016
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Dani The Unreviewed
Dani The Unreviewed

Tankcsapda, Agyarország, Germany



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