Remember the words?
All of them, like entire worlds.
Remember the days?
The lazy, morning "hey's"
Remember the first time?
The sweet wine.
Intoxicating, intense feeling,
All the wounds, healing.
Maybe another day,
Another way...
And I'm all over in this world.
What I gave you,
All i ever gave you,
Came from my burning heart.
What's it worth?
I don't know,
Maybe the price is low.
But, do read my words below.
I love you.
Glad I stumbled upon this, short and sweet but really lovely.
I love Poems that evoke a sense of thoughtfulness with their timing and rhythm. It doesn't feel like the writer is writing to a metronome. It feels like... well thoughts really. Which I think works really well for the subject matter, it's not thick and weepy and overdramatic. It's a quiet simple thought, love, longing, regret?
My only suggestion in really more of a personal one. I like the way it ends with the I love you, I think it's sort of final and quiet and sincere. But it makes me wish it had just a bit more impact. I think removing the other mention of love, "We call it love. It flies like a dove." would give the final line more of a.. emotional gut punch? The line isn't necessarily bad, but it's a very common comparison without much emotional impact here. I think it's omission would do more for the poem than keeping it in.
Just my two cents on that, either way I love the poem.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Now that was constructive! thank you very much! :)
Poetic words. I enjoyed reading your poem.. It flowed lovely. The rhythm and rhyme I really liked. Pure and genuine words, the video as well, expressed very well. Good Job! Keep writing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
hehehe yea. the vids cover image is a bit scary eh? lol. but the song goes well with the poem. .. read morehehehe yea. the vids cover image is a bit scary eh? lol. but the song goes well with the poem.
thank you.
Wow!
Danny, this is a beautiful tribute to your loved one.
I felt the lovely, simplistic, heartfelt words pouring out like honey!
Boy, you are very talented!
Kudos!
Glad I stumbled upon this, short and sweet but really lovely.
I love Poems that evoke a sense of thoughtfulness with their timing and rhythm. It doesn't feel like the writer is writing to a metronome. It feels like... well thoughts really. Which I think works really well for the subject matter, it's not thick and weepy and overdramatic. It's a quiet simple thought, love, longing, regret?
My only suggestion in really more of a personal one. I like the way it ends with the I love you, I think it's sort of final and quiet and sincere. But it makes me wish it had just a bit more impact. I think removing the other mention of love, "We call it love. It flies like a dove." would give the final line more of a.. emotional gut punch? The line isn't necessarily bad, but it's a very common comparison without much emotional impact here. I think it's omission would do more for the poem than keeping it in.
Just my two cents on that, either way I love the poem.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Now that was constructive! thank you very much! :)
Hey Dan, glad you had some time spent with someone close to
This past week, your writing shows your happy feelings and
Emotions, a cool quick write up, thanks.