Somethin i wrote

When you take a step in,
The hallway sucks you in,
Darkness swallows all within.
Didn't ask you,
So don't answer,
A moment is enough for you,
To lie,
Then to die.

Try your best,
But you wont find rest,
Not here, in the shadow of deaths,
Not anywhere, whatever else is left.

Whats outside, thats inside,
Whats down, its upside.
Or is it the other way around?
Lookin for answers, you never found

Why the trouble?
Time aint double.
Why the trouble lookin everywhere,
When you can't see it...nowhere.

An answer, in your eyes,
Can't see it, cuz of the bright lights,
Of white lies,
Put in front your nose,
Pulled on fishing lines,
All the lies,
All the promises, you want to buy,
Wasting all your time, while the
answer passes you by.
By the time you see,
By the time you hear,
Its all too late,
somewhere lost, in the sea.

Reviews

[sereenaoutloud]

This flows really well and what i took from it was someone not being able to see the truth, see what is really right there in front of them...so many lies shadow them for being able to understand and by the time they do wake up ...it will be too late!

am i close ? lol

Brilliant write IM :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Gettin warmer...lol :) thank you for readin :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You've got the point...but somethin is missin...

[sereenaoutloud]

noooooo... lol ...ok rereading it for like the 20th time.. :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Lol. Okay. I'm thinkin i should edit it, so its easier to see it.

[sereenaoutloud]

ok sea, drowning...

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Getting closer... Okay, i'll cut the crap, and get to the point... Lol. Drowning, yes, but in what exactly?

[sereenaoutloud]

i want to say lies, ...no?

[Dani The Unreviewed]

First prize goes to you :) lol.

[sereenaoutloud]

woop woop ,..do i get a badge and sticker too?

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah you do...but lets not forget, that the first prize is.. 1.000.000€ :) :) lol.

[sereenaoutloud]

lol..you are too funny... well i cant wait to receive my money in the post with my badge and sticker! :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Okay...hold on...i've still gotta rob a bank...lol :) :) :) :)

[sereenaoutloud]

its ok I'm a paitent person .. lol

[sereenaoutloud]

*patient.....

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Lololololololol :) :) :) :) :) :) :) this reminds me of a joke. :) :)

[sereenaoutloud]

.... tapping my foot waiting ... do you have the get away car warmed up?

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Nope...still waitin for the police to block the entrance, search the buildin, and get to the conclusion that i must have left through the exit... Lol.

[sereenaoutloud]

LMSO ... look at you all mission impossible

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Lol. Remember the scene, when Ethan is holdin on to the plain, while its takin off, and he's yellin: "Open the door! ... The other door..."

[sereenaoutloud]

lol yeh ... i love those movies... that is from the new one rogue nation not out here until july 31st !! looks good!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yup...can't wait to watch it. :)

[sereenaoutloud]

yeh him and the British actor simon peg are a funny pair....
even the screen i the car where it is flying in the air and he asked
" you got your seatbelt on?"
"You are asking me that now? lol
see that is you right now trying to get me my money!!... lol

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah, lol they've got a few of those crackers all over their movies. I like those funny lines in action movies. Like there are a lot in "The expendables" both one and two. As for your money... Lol. I can imagine, sitting in a pub, bragging about opening a bank...with a crowbar. Lol.

[sereenaoutloud]

yeh seen both of those movies too. The constant one liners , humor laced througtout actions movies make them so much more fun!
Lol in the pub bragging about our Mission already ... thats to funny! :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yup...the local gangsters gonna be jealouse....lol.lol.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You seen my new status? lol. Check it out.

[sereenaoutloud]

ok going to take a look!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Okay.. Its a scene from "police academy" lol

[sereenaoutloud]

yeh i got that... hehehe that is too funny!!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yup...but seein it on the screen is better. Anyhow, i just love those parts when they pull a prank on captain Harris...lol. Like when they put glue on the loudspeaker...ha ha ha ha ha. :) or when they switched the oxygen tank for helium...lol.

[McBear]

Always looking for the anwsers, its like we will never find them

[Dani The Unreviewed]

because the answers are so obvious, and simple, that it's complicated.

[McBear]

Tru .

[McBear]

I bypasses the minium 10 character limit ^ ;)

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome write IM...
"Try your best,
But you wont find rest,
Not here, in the shadow of deaths,
Not anywhere, whatever else is left. "

I really like that stanza.. the flow is right on point! Good work :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Thank you :)

[andrew mitchell]

A funny write to get to the truth lol esp the 3rd stanza

[dan]

An honest feeling write that seems to be searching for the truth desperately, not sure where to find it or even how to look. A helpless type of feeling that works well. It would work even better if you paid a little more attention to grammar and punctuation. When a writing is good, as this one is, the little things going wrong can derail the piece. Nice write. take care...dan

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Thanks for readin as always :)

[ANTO]

"Can't see it, cuz of the bright lights,
Of white lies,
Put in front your nose,
Pulled on fishing lines,
All the lies, " brilliant imagery - fishing lines of lies and like the fish we see soemthing else - food in the fishes case - rewards in the human case.

A new favourite of mines IM -

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yup... And by the time the fish realizes that he got hooked...too late. Thanks for readin :)

[ANTO]

not the fishes fault though right? The one fishing created the lure. You're welcome I.M

[Dani The Unreviewed]

The fish's only fault is stupidity... And again, i always appreciate your input. :)

[A writer]

Owww this is so powerful. So meaningful. I love this, though I don't know the exact meaning. Could you tell me? Please?

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Thank you :) and...figure it out...lol just kiddin. Why not guess?

[A writer]

Its chaotic... But still, it is captivating in some strange way. Well done.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Soooo...any thoughts? other than chaos? anyways, thank you :)

[A writer]

Always welcome :)