Should I be telling you this?

Should I be telling you this? I don't think I should. I haven't told anyone, well, except a few people that I can trust but I shouldn't have told them either. I need to tell someone but I don't have the strength to go through it again. I want to tell you. I want to let go but I struggle to let anyone know what's truly happening in my life. I just want the relief of letting go. I'm getting emotional just writing this and I just want to say... But I can't. I still can't. After 11 years I still can't tell you everything. I still can't hold anyone or let anyone get close because it terrifies me that it'll happen again.  Why would anyone like me anyway? Why would anyone want to waste their time on me? I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything. I CAN'T EVEN SURVIVE. I need to tell someone but won't that make it worse? I may seem self obsessed but I don't want to hold this in anymore.

I have 2 cuts on my face and no one noticed. Do they not care or are they just not that obvious? I hurt myself and no one cares. People say they do care but I can't believe them. I just need that person who truly cares. I'm repeating myself but I don't know what else to say. I should probably stop writing. I should probably stop it all. End it all.