Original Sin

He ran from the Cross that chased him,
Afraid of the impending combination
When the wooden slabs mix with the living skin
Burning its way into its own eternity.
The permanence seared into his consciousness
Face white as a ghost,  unrecognizable,
His wife would say she "had no idea who he was"

The onlookers hid behind the altar,
The tombstones in the churchyard were
Reminders of their failures.
Too terrified of their own original sins
They had no clue how to react, unable or unwilling,
Stuck to the pews, their skirts barely caused a rustle.

His face pressed against the church windows,
His fear expressed something they don't dare talk about,
They fell to their knees and whipped themselves
In silent moans that speak of their undying emptiness.
Glad for their sins and their shame,
Their only true feelings,
They prayed in self-effacing earnestness
Gratitude to an invisible God
They marveled at how it can make them feel alive

Reviews

[katie]

Whoa! Exceptional piece!

"Glad for their sins and their shame,
Their only true feelings,
They prayed in self-effacing earnestness
Gratitude to an invisible God
They marveled at how it can make them feel alive"

This is really powerful! Being an atheist myself, I feel alive by living but I've met many Christians who only feel alive when repenting. I can't get with that whole giving yourself over to an idea.

This piece is very well written! A man running from the religion that will persecute him whether or not he actually is guilty.

[daninstockholm]

Katie, thank you so so much for your kind words and review!! You did get what I was aiming at in this piece. Funny thing is that, as with many of my works, I don't get it until after it's written, so it pleases me that others can grasp even a portion of what I wrote. I generally look at others reviews and think to myself "Oh yeah,, that's what it's about!"

[David Scott]

Satire has its value. The key is not to be too satirical when reading it. You have to be a little forgiving and loving to get the most out of satire and have a good sense of humor.
I happen to think you have made some astute observations.
The poetry conveys intelligence and talent.

[...]

Very strong and well build. Words like flame and blood. Inside thoughts about life and love and death. You make again great.

[daninstockholm]

Thank you again, my dear. I always love it when you stop by. You are too kind.

[Calamityofgin]

In self flatulatuin their own perversions making them Mastère of Masochistes..tres tres magnifique mon chaton! And they bow down together in union and group pity and praise of the God that created them exactly that way..from vaginal birth..and the mess called sex that put them there!
And your face against glass..outside looking in.not me oh no! He is trembling..the images and the story im my mind that went along with this was a wild ride! Yes! Loved! This reminded me of something..cant put my finger on it!?
What a great trip
Always
Jennifer

[daninstockholm]

Thank you, Jen, very much for your kind review!! The flagellants were, in fact, an image from Ingmar Bergmans film "The Seventh Seal", a fascinating film dealing with faith, death and many other concepts, so any sexual reference, while I can certainly understand the connection, was unintended. Having said that though, I recall the wise poet, whose name escapes me, but who said "Give the poet credit for anything that people find in their work". So I'll gladly take credit for that too,, haha..

[Calamityofgin]

Lol ...i actually wasnt implying there was sex in the poem..but referring to orignal sin..vaginal birth itself and jow that durned baby got there..
Master masochistes..often no sex is involved..its about self flatulation and humiliation in many extreme S&M sects..but yes..i heartily agree with your quote..and almost always encourage readers to take whatever they need from my piece..and find things my subconscient mind included...great f*****g piece!

[Aventicus]

Definitley well done. I love this portrayal of a man running from the punishment of his sins and how those who see him look upon his ultimate suffering in fear and in reverence to God. Also, I'm getting the oddest feeling that this may be some sort of bounce off from my poem.

[daninstockholm]

Thank you for your kind words. However if this is a "bounce off" it is, i suppose, from the poem "Streets In Shangai" by the great Swedish poet Thomas Tranströmer which I had read shortly before writing this.... The lines below may have been in my mind.


Hovering behind each of us who walks here is a cross that wants to catch up with us,
Pass us, unite with us

[Aventicus]

Huh, that is really fascinating. Will you send me a link to that poem or tell me how to find it?

[daninstockholm]

Sure... Go to www.poetryfoundation.org and do a search for him. He was a brilliant poet, widely awarded including the Nobel Prize for Literature a few years ago. If you don't know the site, i recommend it highly!!