Loss.....Alla Helgons Dag, All Saints Day, a poem in a prose shroud

This piece was inspired by our yearly trek to Skogskyrkogården, (or Forest Cemetery) outside of Stockholm, where my wife’s parents and other family members are buried, and where my wife and I will be buried when it’s time.
As part of the All Saints Day observation (Alla Helgons dag) here in Sweden, we go to the graves and light candles in memoriam of those who touched our lives. As I lit a candle for those who I remember from the USA, my wife asked me to think about all those whom I want to send my prayers to, and consider making a list in my mind of the names. I smiled and started the list, and it became longer and longer and longer, which made me quite melancholy.

My maternal grandfather always comes to mind first.

His gentle nature, the fun we had with him,

Always willing to play with us,

He taught me about Sweden, about tenderness

Nature and how to love the land.

 

Other family members long since gone,

Grandparents, all of who were born in Europe but one,

My fathers’ siblings, nine children, only two remain,

Some I recall like yesterdays aromas,

Their voices and the times we shared together

But for some the memories are by now quite distant

 

David, a well loved big kid, famous for his smile

And his acceptance of all, even bullied kids like me

First that I knew among my age group to die

His death in a car accident shook my insecure world

 

Too many friends lost in the war

Either killed physically or devastated emotionally,

Unable to cope with the real world,

Their existence is ripped apart and they have no port

 

There were of course my heroes,

John Kennedy, my first taste of death, and Bobby, Malcolm and Martin, 

And, of course, Mahatma and John Lennon

All born to lead, but all brought down long before their time

Their promise tragically unfulfilled, they left

For the rest of us, a challenge which we sadly have not answered

 

In the nights lights, enhanced by the candles that spread

Like a blanket over the graves

Lighting the way for the dead to return

Or us to join them for a word and a kiss

 

My head spins. It feels as though

I’ve known little but death and separation,

Separation is my byword

There is little left, it seems, to hang my hat on

A pervading sense of loss overcomes me and I pull my wife close

I can’t tell her I fear her death, not at that moment,

But it feels so close and unavoidable,

I feel every loss I’ve ever known and wonder if I can bear another

I’d love to end this on a positive note,

I am after all still alive and healthy

But I won’t or can’t

You’ll have to find your own meaning.

Peace be unto you and say a prayer for those you've lost

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

Wow, Dan! ...what an extraordinary prose this is! And the photo with the candlelight of the cemetery just makes it all the more intense for me. Almost chilling, actually.

I believe some of your heroes were the heroes of many. Bless you for endearing them to me!

[daninstockholm]

aww.. thank you so very much for your kindness, Kelly. I truly and deeply appreciate it. The lovely photo isn't mine, but i felt it captured the beauty of the night perfectly. It's the view we have each year as we walk thru the cemetery on that night. It can be a bit of an eerie feeling to be sure, but at the same time, there's something beautiful about it, the light, the night, if it's a clear sky, and the feeling of communicating with those who have already passed are truly unique. This year we found my wifes grandmothers grave for the first time. The headstone had been removed and it's been harder to find. I said a quick hello to her, just in case she was around and that felt good. I'm delighted to share my heroes and my work with you.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Is the candlelight only observed for the All Saints Day? ...it truly gives a lovely aura. I think its beautiful!

[daninstockholm]

yes, it is. That's the tradition here, at least, and I think in other places in Europe. It truly is beautiful to see. This paticular cemetery is very very beautiful. It's truly carved out of the forest and there are many pines and corners of forest peeking throughout. It's beautiful even without the candles.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Wow, I don't believe any cemeteries here in the states are like that. It's fascinating and mesmerizing all at once!

[daninstockholm]

It's amazing. and it's one of three world heritage sites in or around Stockholm. Here is a link, in english, to more about it.. http://www.skogskyrkogarden.stockholm.se/in-english/

[Kelly Scheppers]

...thanks, Dan!

[...]

Nice emotional stream . I love that words it s more than nice.

[daninstockholm]

Thank you so much, my dear friend! I always appreciate it when you come by!

[daninstockholm]

I'ts VERY UNSUAL for me to write a piece this obviously personal, and then post it, other than the blog post, but I felt the sense of loss so very strongly that I needed to verbalize it and it came out this way. Thank you for reading and if you write a review, thank you for that as well.