Phantasmic Algorithms- Path of Totality

My most artistic attempt at emotional poetry

Phantasmic Algorithms- Path of Totality

Am I a defective program

Chasing after a hologram?

These Phantasmic Algorithms

Have scrambled my alpha rhythms

The mercury mixes with my blood

I watch as my friends are soaked in star-shine

While I shiver in the wintertide

Of a stygian skyline

Monochrome is my reality

Trapped in this Path of Totality

Oh, how I wish to manipulate the matrix

So I could recode my every double helix

Because my poetic planetarium

Is run by Misery's Magisterium

And has never once laid its eyes on the stars

Author's Note

Hooray, I'm back (and it's been less than a month)! This piece was originally going to be completely different, but then I had a brainwave. Instead of writing a fictional story (like I usually do with my poetry, as my own life is generally boring), I decided to take care of some annoying negative emotions that have been hanging heavily on my heart for a while. The result is this, the most emotionally artistic thing I have ever written. Is it the best thing I've written? Probably not, but regardless, I feel like I've found my writing stride again!

One more thing before I go, there is way more symbolism in this piece than I've put in any of my poetry in a long time. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to see if you can find it all. Please feel free to (if you want to, that is) tell me which parts of the poem contain symbolism, and what you think that symbolism is. I really want to hear ya'll's opinions! As always, stay awesome, everybody, and I'll see you next time. :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of emotion in the words. Seem more down-hearted than positive. Thank you Dan for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[DoormanDan]

This piece was pure emotional release. Thanks for reading :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Was very good and you are welcome Dan.

[Relic]

Sometimes I don't try to figure out the meaning of a poem, I just let it flow through me. Nice one.

[DoormanDan]

There's nothing wrong with that at all. Thanks for reading! :)

[apennylate]

*Welcome to "Pure Rhymes" Thanks for joining, great to have you...!*

This was a majestic ride of entertaining tongue slides... The wordplay and associative references are just stellar... Trapped in a monochrome reality... I enjoyed navigating your poetic planetarium... Very skillful rhyme and meter and breath... Top-notch work...

[DoormanDan]

Hey, and thanks for the welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! I'm sorry to say that it may be a good while before I post anything again, as I'm very busy with college, and have been going through a very large drought in terms of inspiration and word flow. Hopefully, it ends eventually. Until then, however, I'm just going to be trying to pass my classes. Thanks for reading :)

[apennylate]

Most welcome, and please do, pass the classes... That is... Hah, that is most important, and good luck, mate

[DoormanDan]

Thanks, and don't worry, I'm more than passing right now :)

[Poetic License]

Whew!!! This is phenomenal! Great comparison in the poetry and math. Supreme talent!

[DoormanDan]

I"m flattered by your very high opinion of this piece! Thanks for reading! :)

[Cristy]

This poem speaks of adult and inner child. The adult big words of trying to make itself known in this world is used as symbolism for the swirling distorted energy that encompasses ones being. All the rules, mindsets, beliefs that muck us down that the adult self has trained itself to believe as true which is the mercury/poisoning of ourselves. The inner child sets the undertone of playfulness that comes from your format and the definition of the words which follows no rules, just flowing from inner guidance expression. This builds energy to the the last line "and never once laid its eyes on the stars". basically calling it out, the true realness of life, the inner child knows. Delightful poem and a very intelligent inner child, lol.

[DoormanDan]

That's very well thought out. I like your line of thinking! Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed this :)

[Dimah]

this is actually one of the best poems I have read so far .
keep going this is really amazing .
some parts could fit in a rap song or like a song in general .
but overall,it's really good.

[DoormanDan]

I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed reading this, Dimah, and am flattered by your praise for it. :)

[Fei]

oomph. I started tentatively reading/reviewing things on this website just today, and that last stanza made me FEEL THINGS. Best I've read so far.

okay don't be mad but some of the doublets don't quite work for me. I guess when they follow each other in quick succession like that, it sounds kind of song lyric-y? I'm also weird with rhymes tho, like I prefer my poems to rhyme but half the time when they rhyme i'm like "wow i wish that this didn't sound shallow." Also explains why i can't write a single rhyming poem that doesn't sound childish to me lol. So maybe ignore this bit.

Anyway, overall I really liked it! Good job! (Also I hope this review wasn't weird for this site's standards lol, i'm new in case u couldn't tell, hello!)

[DoormanDan]

Hey, there, Fei! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed reading this! I can understand where you're coming from about the doublets line. This is actually the first time I've ever used such a bizarre line pattern in any of my poetry, but it's like that for a reason. This poem is supposed to feel "slightly off", like how we feel when there's something really bothering us, but we can't quite figure out what it is. That's one of the symbolic aspects of this piece that I mentioned in my Author's Note. Happy to hear you saw it! And don't worry, I used to be just like how you say you are with rhymes. When it comes down to it, in order to improve, you have to just do. Experiment and have fun while writing. That's what I do to improve my work.

Anyway, welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy it here. I'll tell you upfront, this site is not the best for getting reviews. Don't get me wrong, it's a neat little site, but it's more of a somewhat obscure social site than anything else. A lot of the time, you'll review somebody's work, and then not get a review back, and many of the reviews you will get back aren't balanced in terms of praise and critique. You might want to check out some other, more popular writing websites if you want more honest (and sometimes pride hurting) reviews that will help to improve your writing abilities. :)

[Fei]

Thanks for your advice! Yeah I wrote one poem recently that rhymed and I was just like...ok i hate it as usual but also maybe don't delete it + keep trying? Also thanks for letting me know abt the reviewing...what sites would you recommend for feedback? I'm writing again for the first time since middle school so I know absolutely nothing haha

[DoormanDan]

I would recommend sites like Young Writer's Society (that is, if you're around the same age as me(20)), or Writing.com (I haven't used this in forever, but I can tell you that it's good. The format for it takes a bit of getting used to, but once you do, you'll have a good time).