Mangled Angel Wings

Accepting that regret cannot be overcome is far worse than just facing it on a daily basis

Mangled Angel Wings

I cannot pretend

That I don't understand the suffering this choice brings

But still, in pretense

I try to take flight with these mangled angel wings

I've become a sickly shell with the lawless lies I tell

And now I'm left to drown in the smoldering skies of Hell

But for this curse I've been dealt I can only blame myself

I've earned what I deserve

I deserve what I've earned

Memories never heal

They only mock our souls with thoughts of time we have lost

The secrets I conceal

Have coated the grasslands of my humble heart with permafrost

I've become a sickly shell with the lawless lies I tell

And now I'm left to drown in the smoldering skies of Hell

But for this curse I've been dealt, I can only blame myself

I've earned what I deserve

I deserve what I've earned

My conscious is forever forlorn

My heart is forever worn

My soul is forever torn

My demise is born

Author's Note

There's nothing really fancy about this piece this time around; I just wanted to write something more emotive than my usual work. I was partly inspired by the song "You" by Breaking Benjamin. This will probably be the last piece I write before my winter break ends (though remember, every time I say that, I end up writing something else in record breaking time...for me, anyway). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this piece, and as usual, tell me what you think. See ya next time! :)

Reviews

[Farmgirl]

I find it interesting ... the title drew me in and the poem kept me lingering .

I love this piece ... your a natural don't ever sell yourself short with your writing ...


This I do not feel is missing anything .

You depicted this poem nicely ...

I look forward to some read requests from you . :) L. 😌

[DoormanDan]

Oh trust me, if I was a natural, I wouldn't give myself so many headaches over trying to make every piece absolutely amazing lol. I'm glad to hear you really enjoyed this piece. Thanks for reading, and for the words of confidence. :)

[Farmgirl]

Hehheeh I know what you mean..m

And very welcome..


:)

[Janet91Rochester]

I like your theme and your symbolism!

I think certain parts could flow a little better, but the slightly disjoined flflow also complements the theme.

Well written

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for the review. If there is anything about my writing that is weaker than other things, it's my flow. Up until recently, I was only really writing to just have fun with creative lines, but now I've actually started to take my flow more seriously (it's still not as good as it could be, but I'm getting there). With the current piece I'm writing, I'm actually counting the syllables for every line to make sure my pattern is consistent. I'm hoping it turns out well, as it's going to be the most personal piece I'm ever going to write (probably). Anyway, thanks again for the review and the honesty. :)

[Janet91Rochester]

You're welcome,

I would like to read your next piece, and will keep an eye out for it. :)

The emotion and creativity is definitely there, and thats the most important part. Personally im a little obsessed with rhyme and flow, so its just something I notice.

[DoormanDan]

I'm going to try to finish and post the next one by Sunday if I can. After Sunday I'm going back to college, so I don't know when I'll be able to write after that.

[Dr. Wood ?]

see ya next time Dan...I liked this a lot, as with many poems on here it reads almost like a song thanks to the slight but effective repetition. Shows great imagination and a depth of character too...all in all, pretty damn good

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for the review. This is meant to be lyrics a opposed to an ordinary poem. I mainly write a mix of lyrics and poems these days. :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

whooo...glad I spotted THAT one

[DoormanDan]

You seem like an honest person. Do you have any sort of suggestions to give on how I could improve my work?

[Dr. Wood ?]

I AM an honest person, I am also MAINLY a rhymer...The only real advice that I can give to someone who wishes to rhyme their poetry is to tell them to be sure to get the syllable count spot on and the rhythm will immediately follow..

[DoormanDan]

True words. Thanks. That's definitely something I need some work on. :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

Don't rush stuff, it will come

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

I love this, the emotions I get from this it amazing. not gonna lie I'm fangirling over this. it's amazing you're such a great writer. can't wait to read more.

[DoormanDan]

Haha, I'm glad to hear you like my work that much! I hope I continue to deliver on that note in the future. Don't know when my next piece will be written, as I start back at college on monday, but I'll make sure it lives up to the usual quality. Thanks for reviewing. :)

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

dude, of course and good luck with college, I'm a junior (in highschool) so I just got this year and next year then I'm off to college .

[DoormanDan]

Thanks, and good luck to you during your last two years. Make 11th grade count a little more than 12th. That's the one colleges look at the most. :)

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

I'm trying to I have , 3 advanced class and I'm taking all 3 ap course and I've scheduled my SAT's for next week

[Valentine]

Dan, I really like the concept of the write and how you vocalize from words heard. Just one remark from me. Demise is never born,,just look up and receive. Valentine

[DoormanDan]

In a literal sense, yes, demise is never born, but this is a poetic line, not a literal one. I'm essentially saying that "my end has begun". The person in the story has made too many mistakes to be able to undo the damage done, and now knows that the inevitable consequences are fast approaching. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and for being honest in your opinion. :)

[Jenny]

"lawless lies"
"conscious is forever forlorn"
"demise is born"

I enjoyed the last stanze and how you brought the poem together. Wonderful read! And thought provoking :)

J

[DoormanDan]

Well, I'm glad to hear that you think so, Jenny!! Thanks for reviewing! :)

[Jenny]

youre welcome :)

[Zoya]

It's really great to see how most of your poems are inspired by songs and how neatly you put forward your thoughts regarding it. This is no exception. An outburst of emotions, feelings of regret. Is it only my perception or have you missed out a word in the description of the poem-"Accepting that cannot be overcome is..."
By the by, it was a great poem!

[DoormanDan]

Awww nuts, I didn't realize that! Thanks for pointing that description goof out! Anyway, I tend to be inspired by music more than my actual life experiences, as my life is pretty dull at the moment. Thanks for reading! :)

[Zoya]

Don't mention it!