The Tale of Ol' Victoria

A Steampunk inspired narrative about an automaton that was more than machine

The Tale of Ol' Victoria

'Twas early one muggy summer morn in the year 1884

That the grating gears of Ol' Victoria whirred no more

All the metalworkers mourned as they prepared to melt her core

And use her parts to help build a railroad way up north

She had brought ambrosia to steam saturated Dystopia

When widespread famine had engulfed that vast utopia

With her battalion of droids, she had sought out and destroyed

The anarchists and dictators that tried to take her home

And from their bones she crafted the most beautiful of thrones

As the workers cranked the wheel to lower her into the molten steel

Lead like sorrow was the only emotion that they could feel

But then out of her rusted shell came a sight oh so surreal

An astral projection of the automaton, cloaked in onyx and teal

She told them not to cry as oil cascaded from her eyes

And she began to be enveloped in a swarm of fireflies

"You may only have one life, so make the most of this time."

And then with the fireflies Ol' Victoria began to fly

To somewhere way beyond the zeppelins surfing through the sky

Author's Note

I just thought I'd write one more piece before I start college. This time, I drew inspiration from the awesome sub-genre of Science Fiction known as Steampunk (if you don't know what that is, just look it up, you won't regret it). I know some of you may be thinking that this story is more cheesy that Kraft Mac and Cheese, but there IS more to this than you might initially think. Also, I wasn't too worried about originality in this piece, as I wanted to focus on my flow and descriptive abilities more. That being said, this is my first time doing a down to earth narrative style poem, so if you think that some areas are a bit weak, please feel free to tell me. I honestly don't know when I'll be posting new material again, as I'm going to have to focus much of my energy on academics and whatnot for a while, but I do think that when I get back, I'll have something a little special to post. This mandatory break from writing should give me a chance to stumble across fresh ideas and new inspiration, so I'm kind of glad it's happening. Adios...for now? :)

Reviews

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

I like this piece it's different for what I usually read but I really like it . :)

[DoormanDan]

That's what I try to aim for with my writing; something different and something of high quality. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. Thanks for reading. :)

[Shae-Leigh Johns]

of course I loved reading and can't wait to get the chance to read more. :)

[Amber Lily]

I only know of the steampunk world in the sense of fashion (which I deeply admire) but I have never come across literature with a steampunk touch. Leave it to you to throw something so different out there to leave me nearly speechless every time! I feel like after reading this I understand a little more about the culture, at least form a literary standpoint. Glad I finally got to reading this :)

[DoormanDan]

I've only been fully introduced to Steampunk recently, and the moment I was, I knew I wanted to write something relating to it at some point. I'm glad you enjoyed this dose of differantage( that isn't a word, but I just feel like saying it like that :P), and as always, thanks for reviewing, Amber! It'll probably be a while before I write anything again, because I'm in the middle of my first year of college, and everything is starting to go nuts, so yeah. :)

[Amber Lily]

Haha that's alright, I'm in the same boat as you right now. I was so happy to finally get to reading some stuff on here last night since it's been a while. Happy to always have something of yours to read whenever I come back :)

[DoormanDan]

Thanks. Hopefully, that'll continue in the near future, rather than in the far future. :)

[ranscan]

I find the steampunk movement visually stunning, there is some interesting social commentary that gently occurs in the work of the genre.
Now as to your piece, it does tell a developed story, and follows a defined line. The stanza construct is unusual, though I can see some interesting communication variances possible in its make up.
I can not find a reason to the rhyming scheme, AAABCCD EE AAAABBC DD, which as the rhyming seems planned, at least at the beginning of the two main bodies of the work, was something I found a challenge to the flow.
Though I have a respect for steampunk, I do not have a knowledge of its attached science, so I do have to ask if a machine gaining some form of awareness, the idea of some form of machine essence or soul, and astral projection, are part of the belief structure.
There are many aspects to what you have accomplished here which are quite well done, interesting, and show your developing skills at your craft.

[DoormanDan]

Thank you once again for being honest, if only I got feedback as constructive as yours constantly. I'm aware that the rhyme set up is a bit unusual, and although it was intentional, it really has no meaning to it. This is just how the poem formed in my head, and I decided to leave it like that (unless I ever think of something better to go there, which I currently can't). To answer your question, I don't 100% know if that's part of the belief structure or not. This piece is only meant to be inspired by Steampunk, so I just took what I know of it and added my own little creative thought to it. There is a deeper meaning behind the automaton having an astral projection, as well as another hidden message relating to certain subtle actions that the droid carried out. I hope that helped to clear things up. Thank you, once again, for the feedback. Lately I haven't been getting much feedback as helpful and curious as yours, and it has somewhat affected my confidence in my abilities (as I often try different things, and really want to know not only what works and could use some improvement). I hope I continue to please with future pieces, once I eventually have time to write any, that is. :)

[Valentine]

Very emotional write. Loved seeing those steam engines in the movies. Valentine

[DoormanDan]

I absolutely love steam engines (and essentially every other type of technology like it). Thanks for reviewing! :)

[Tina Kline]

I enjoy reading steampunk and that this is a splendid poem. It has an excellent message at the end, We all should remember that. But I did feel a little sad for her fate of being melted down. But she's not real but almost seemed to be alive. Impressive work.

[DoormanDan]

Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed this! There is actually more than one way the ending of this poem can be viewed as, if you think about it for long enough and are every bit of an over analyst as I can be at times. :)

[Tina Kline]

You are welcome.