The Journey of(Rough Draft): Introduction: Another Blank Canvas Colored

The moments before the beginning of the many moments before the beginning of the story

The Journey of

Introduction: Another Blank Canvas Colored

At the beginning of the end of the moments prior to the beginning of, and the end of the beginning, of the most significant moment for any universe, there was an infinite realm of white.  Within this realm of white, stretching forever to the left, the right, up and down was a coal black wall.  This wall, despite its incomprehensibly impossible size and existence, was far from barren.  For as far as the eye could see there were drawings, sketches, paintings, and every other race of visual art plastered on its smooth, midnight surface.  The pieces came in many different shapes, sizes, styles, and each on had its own vast and distinctive array of colors.  They were all so alien to each other, but they did have at least one thing in common; each was encompassed by one titanic hourglass filled with deep blue, water-like sand that, as it slowly flowed from one end to the other, passed through the pictures as if they weren't even there.  The wall was thriving with so much activity, and yet there was still so much empty space.

An extremely tall, almost nondescript apparition suddenly materialized in the whiteness in front of the wall.  The figure held no specific form, nor did it have a face, limbs, or even a discernible body.  What it did have though was an air of unwavering, equally abundant amounts of warm heartedness and cold heartedness, and a certain level of mysterious that was quite unique and ominous as well.

Very slowly(almost casually, some might say if anybody was actually there), the figured moved alongside the wall, and kept doing so until it reached a large, empty space on it.  For a few moments, it did nothing but hover in front of this spot.  Suddenly, a mesmerizing stream of rainbow dust began to emanate from the being and converged on the empty space.  In a fantastic whirlpool of color, the dust coalesced into a huge, unimaginably clean, oval shaped piece of canvas.  As soon as every last speck of dust disappeared, an hourglass began to emerge from within the black wall and surrounded  the canvas, just like all of the other hourglasses.  As quickly as this sequence had started, it had ended, and the hourglass completely encased the canvas.

The figure then began to glow bright pink.  This glow intensified until the entirety of the whiteness seemed to be caught in it, before the pink shroud rapidly launched in reverse back towards its origin.  At the exact instant it disappeared back into the figure and faded, the figure shot a microscopic line of grey ink at the canvas.  The line made a small dot in the center of it and then spread out until every inch of the thing was consumed by grey ink.  As this happened, deep blue, water-like sand condensed into being at one end of the hourglass, but did not flow.

As if deciding that its work was done, the figure slowly moved away from the black wall and, as quickly as it had appeared, vanished into the never-ending ocean of white.

A solitary grain of sand then began its silent endeavor to the opposite end of the hourglass.  Slowly it came closer and closer to the canvas, neither accelerating or slowing down in the process.  At last, the grain passed directly through the center of the canvas, and as it did so, the grey center of the canvas lit up in an explosion of opaque light.  Very rapidly, this white light expanded until a good portion of the whole canvas was consumed by it.

With the birth of this white light, the rest of the grains of sand began to slowly flow, and the pencil destined to write one of the less insignificant stories in this cosmos was picked up for the very first time.

Author's Note

So this is the first chapter of this side project I'm working on. I know that some areas may seem rather clumsy, but that's partially because I'm not focusing on major editing right now. That being said, still feel free to point out anything that you think needs adjusting. Also, I don' know how often I'm going to update this book, nor do I know how long each chapter's going to be. Some may be very short, some may be very long, and others may be in the middle. Anyway, tell me what you think of this so far! :)

Reviews

[Sesame]

Hello DoormanDan,

Psychadelic (Maja), yes, but also a bit vague (intentionally?). I am not sure I should review this, I have little to work on here: abstract setting, no character, no plot. But, since you've asked for it, here is my shot at a constructive review.

"...shapes, sizes, styles, and each on had its own vast and distinctive array of colors." -> "on" -> "one" (typo)

"The being had to be the most bizarre and mysterious thing ever." -> according to your intro, this "being" was also the first thing ever, so in that respect you are right, it is automatically the most bizarre thing ever (up untill that moment). Still, from the POV, how can it be known that it will be for "ever"?

"As soon as this sequence had started, it had ended," -> does not run smoothly. Possibility: "This sequence ended as soon as it had started." either that, or lose the "had" before "ending"

"It was like it was waiting for activation." -> the word "like" indicates you are using a comparison to clarify what you mean here, however in this concept "waiting for activitation" clarifies nothing for me, I am afraid.

"..and something rather unexpected occurred;" -> Without wanting to sound harsh: this is rich! Haha, the whole chapter is full of unexpected occurances. But seriously I would honestly leave out the fact that this particular occurance was more 'unexpected' than others.

Hope it helps to improve your story. I am willing to read whatever comes next if it introduces some plot and characters! Good luck.

Regards,

Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter
www.themagiccave.com

[DoormanDan]

Thank you for the detailed review Sesame, I really do appreciate feedback like this. The vagueness is most definitely intentional, and the reason there is no character development or discernible plot yet is because I haven't gotten to the main part of the story yet. Everything will begin to sound more like a story the further into this I get, and the chapters should begin to get longer when I introduce my characters. Everything in this chapter does have a reason in this story though. Now that I reread those sections you pointed out, I do agree, this needs some work. I don't write stories often at all, and when I do, I have the hardest time ever with flow and tend to add in a whole bunch of unnecessary details. Right now, if anything, I'm just trying to get all of my ideas for this thing down, and then I'll do the major editing and correcting later on. Once again, I really appreciate your helpful feedback :)

[Sesame]

Dan,

You're welcome. Getting your ideas down is part of the process of writing a good story. I am pleased to hear that characters and plot will follow later on. Give me a read request when you are there and I will be happy to read some more.

Regards,
Sesame

[Philip Muls]

Some strong imagery. Creative way of using colors to evoke emotions. Well done.

[pancake_monster]

The very first sentence alone had my head spinning, and I mean that in a good way. The whole thing felt very intriguing, I just wish I knew what it was all building up to. Really hoping you continue this one in the near future.

[DoormanDan]

Thank you for the review. As of right now, the future of this story is up in the air, unfortunately, but I'll see what I can think of :)

[Amber Lily]

Dan, I am really impressed with this for several different reasons. The first reason I'd have to say, is that it required a lot of my attention and imagination. Every sentence brought something new and otherworldly to this, thus gaining my extra attention. At first when I started reading I thought this might be a take on how different universes are created and how they each are a different piece of art

But then as it ended my idea completely changed! I keep thinking about how sometimes it can take a while to think of a fantastic story, thus the hour glass. And then that one little idea in the back of your mind starts to gain your attention, the grain of sand. The canvas was like a catalyst that the grain of sand needed to create this vision, for an amazing story. With this vision in mind, and a pen in hand, there is no stopping a writer from creating a masterpiece.

I'm not sure if that was the meaning behind it but that's what I visualized, either way I know this introduction has an amazing concept just because of how much it made me think. My mind is a little blown right now lol.

It's so cool how in a lot of your writing you have artistic symbolism, so I'm going to go ahead and say your mind is a piece of art too. I really enjoyed this one :)

[DoormanDan]

You were actually right on target with your initial view of it(as awesome as I thought your other view of it was, I refuse to take credit for an idea that I didn't add in intentionally). I seriously do have to say thank you Amber, for you are almost the only one who actually says anything about the symbolism or the creativity I attempt to add to my work. A lot the people who actually give my stories a proper read write a 500 word review complaining about the main character usually not having a back story(which is something I do intentionally because they are meant to be quick, in the moment type of reads with a moral incorporated into them), and then not point out anything in the story that they actually liked. True, this type of criticism is helpful, but it's hard for any writer to even want to write a story when he/she doesn't know what he/she is doing right(I'm getting to the point where I'm not even going to bother posting very short stories on here anymore because of all this focus on nothing but the negative). Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining, but I just had to get all of that off my chest in some way. All I have to say is that I'm both glad and thankful that at least ONE person can see my short stories for what I want them to be, rather than for what the world believes it must conform to in order to actually be any good. Thanks, as always, for the review, I mean it :)

[Amber Lily]

Your very welcome Dan! I don't really get why people would complain about your characters like that in your writing because I find that with your short stories, you have a point to get across. It's always an artistic story with a deeper meaning than one simple character in one simple setting. There are layers to look under. Characters who don't require back stories add to the mystery of what your trying to tell us as readers. It's a shame people have a hard time seeing that because I really enjoy your story style. If you do decide to post more short stories, I will always be happy to read them and give you my honest opinion. And of course, I will dive in and try to find that meaning you put out for us to find :)

[Valentine]

Interesting but very wordy. Valentine

[DoormanDan]

I'm focusing more on my vocabulary, grammar, and ability to leave out unnecessary details nowadays, so that's why it may seem wordy. I'm also trying to show rather than tell with my stories more, which means that they are going to be more wordy, but hopefully I will be able to see the fine line between just right and too much. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Maja]

The image was psychedelic, and I loved it. It gave a vastly different view of a beginning. It didn't feel like a peaceful start; one that involves a quiet stillness. It was more of an adventure, and the effort it took to create the canvas for this beginning was amazing. Beautiful writing. :D

[Perkele.7885]

Dan, my friend. this write of yours here is for a younger mind than mine as I have to continually go back and forth to keep all your details in focus as you are still giving out even more of them. Interesting yes, my cup of tea, no, it is too far afield for me. You can right though and your imagination has no equal!

[jeannemarie coulter]

drew me in and along seeking and wondering...requires a great deal of thought...i shall keep working...

[DoormanDan]

I'm really glad this was to your liking. Yes, keep on working, because your a great writer. Thanks for reviewing :)