The Viper's Bite

The Viper's Bite

A Story by DoormanDan
"

WARNING: THIS IS A PRETTY DARK STORY.

"

Author's Note:  So I ended up getting an assignment in my English class.  We were told to write a  three page short story with elements of realism in it.  Now, this story will appear to be about anything BUT realistic things for the most part, but the part that makes the whole thing realistic comes at the end.  With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this story.  Sorry if any of the sentences seem clumsy at all(I had less than a week to write this).  I will say that there are probably quite a few problems with this story.  The flow's probably horrible, the last few paragraphs near the end are clumsy, and you may think there's no substance to this, but this is the best I can do at the moment.  I've had a lot of things I've been having to do, and they have really turned my mind into KFC.  Plus I couldn't put all the detail into this that I wanted since I was limited to how long the story could be.  Feel free to point out any problems in it.  Enjoy :)



The Viper's Bite


 


  A bone chilling winter wind blew through the whole forest with the gentleness of a baby’s sigh.  This forest was not one of oak, ebony, or any other kind of tree though- it was one of toys.  Nothing but enormous piles of toy soldiers, stuffed animals, marionettes and dolls could be seen in every direction for miles and miles.  With this grotesque jungle came an equally as surreal golden, luminous sky that’s sheer beauty could not effectively be described by mere words alone.  The two put together made what had to be one of the most exotic sights in all the Cosmos.


Standing at the edge of this wondrous and magical forest, on a bright yellow brick road, was a young boy with dirt brown hair and emerald green eyes.  This boy (who was clearly in his mid-teens) had a pale white complexion, a semi-thin build, and was wearing a white t-shirt, sneakers and faded blue jeans.  He stared at the spectacle before him with a rather perturbed and confused expression that was almost comical.


“Where " where am I?  What is this place?”  He asked himself as he continued to take in the mesmerizing setting.  Nothing about this made any sense whatsoever-how could any of this madness even be real?  More importantly, how had he come to be here in the first place?  The boy sifted through his memories; he recalled everything being dark, and then he’d seen a small sliver of light cut into the darkness.  The next thing he knew, he was standing on this brick road, in front of this extraordinary forest.  As far as any of the events that had taken place a few hours prior to the darkness was concerned, he couldn’t remember a single detail.  It was like a big blob of white out had been splattered all over his timeline.


 While he was attempting to locate those memories he desperately desired, a mysterious sensation surged through the boy’s body.  He didn’t know what it was or where exactly it came from, but whatever it was; it beckoned for him to advance forward into the depths of the toy forest.  Despite how much his subconscious screamed for him to fight the sensation, to move away from the forest, his feet started to move forward as if being controlled by an outside force.  In a matter of moments the boy had entered the toy forest, and soon found himself wandering its vast interior.


At first, the whole forest emanated an extremely warm, welcoming and amiable aura.  Even with how impossible and alien the place was, the boy actually felt safe and relaxed.  The further into the bowels he got though, the less, he found, he felt that way.  All of the toys around him became noticeably more decrepit, ominous and creepy.  Many of the toy soldiers were missing various limbs, some of the marionettes appeared to be getting hanged by the very strings that would be used to move them, and most of the dolls and stuffed animals were either torn to pieces or were missing their eyes, noses and mouths.  The very atmosphere of the forest had changed so drastically that the boy almost couldn’t believe it was still the same place he’d entered.  It was no surprise that an intense sense of dread soon started to take a hold of his heart.


A few yards further down the path (which he’d realized had changed from one of bright yellow bricks to dirt and gravel), the young boy came to a large clearing.  Standing in the middle of that clearing was a male who looked to be in his forties.  The man had a burly physique, tanned skin, and black hair covered by a blue baseball cap.  His outfit consisted of a black suit, tie, dress pants and dress shoes.


“Wait, is that…”  The young boy squinted, trying to get a better view of the man, “…Dad?”  He stepped out into the clearing and gingerly approached the man.  Surely enough, to his complete amazement, the man was in fact his father.  What in the world was he doing in this place?  How had he gotten here?  Was there any chance that he knew what all of this was about?


 Soon the boy close enough to see that his Dad was holding an empty bottle of beer in his left hand, but despite how close he was, his father didn’t even seem to notice him.  The man just stared off into the distance, motionless.


“Dad?”  The boy called out.


As he did so, something truly gruesome happened " his father’s body split in half like plywood.  The boy then watched in absolute horror, feeling like he was going to vomit, as a midnight black abomination with razor sharp teeth and demonic, sanguine eyes jumped out of the body.  As its wretched, ghastly feet touched the ground, the boy realized with the upmost terror what the creature was " a huge, feral wolf.


The monstrous wolf had its evil, angry looking eyes locked on the young boy.  Growling threateningly, the beast drew closer and closer to him until the boy could both feel and smell it’s hot, putrid breath.  The boy’s heart was beating faster than the winds of even the strongest tempest, and his mind screamed for him to run, but overwhelming fear had petrified him as if he’d stared into the eyes of Medusa.  He tried to scream, but then realized with utter astonishment that his mouth was gone, and in its place were three black stiches.  The growl quickly intensified, and the wolf began to speak-with the voice of the boy’s own father


“Worthless brat, you can’t do anything right!”  Snarling viciously, the savage beast lunged at the boy, its atrocious teeth ready to rip his throat out.  Unable to run away or fight, the boy curled into a tight ball, squeezed his eyes shut, and waited for his painful demise.


Suddenly, there was a great explosion of blinding white light.  It was so bright that, even with his eyes closed, the boy felt like his retinas were being burned alive.  The light quickly abated, allowing the boy to reopen his eyes and realize (with both relief and total confusion) that he was no longer in the toy forest.  He was now standing in a depressing, square room with cement walls and no door.  Scattered around the room were what had to be at least a dozen broken mirrors, and the floor was littered with glass shards, each varying in size and shape.  In the very center of the room was a single, rectangular wooden table that was so new that it had yet to be weathered by the rough hands of time.  On top of said table was one single organism; a Viper.


 Blazing pain suddenly swept through every part of the boy’s body, making him drop to his knees in agony.  He then noticed that his clothes were in tatters, and that various areas of his body were covered in bruises that looked like they had been made by a belt.  God, it hurt so much!  The boy was in so much pain that he struggled just to breathe.  He desperately wanted " no " needed something to make it stop…


As he curled up on the floor, begging to die, the Viper on the table started to speak. “Tell me boy…”  It said in a low and somewhat alluring voice, “…are you willing to let me take your pain away?”


The boy didn’t even think before nodding his head up and down.  If there was any to free him alleviate his misery, he wanted it no matter what.


 Hissing, the venomous serpent slithered over to the wounded boy and revealed its deadly fangs.  Without hesitation, the Viper lashed out and sunk its fangs deep into the boy’s neck.


Almost immediately, the searing pain was numbed by overwhelming euphoria.  The boy was unable to keep himself from moaning in pleasure " it felt so good!  In the blink of an eye, the boy had gone from feeling like he was in hell to being certain that he was in heaven.


The Viper observed the sudden change in the boy with an amused expression.  “Doesn’t it feel good?”  It asked.  “Would you like more?”


The boy nodded, a hungry glint in his irises.


Giving yet another hiss, the serpent lashed out once again, and the boy just sighed in relief as its fangs penetrated his skin.


The awesome sensation he had was one that he had never felt before in his life, but now that he’d experienced it, he didn’t want it to ever end.  He longed for more; he couldn’t handle this world without more!


Staring into his eyes, the Viper asked, “What do you think?  Do you want one more?” 


Like before, the boy nodded, and the Viper happily obliged.


This time, there was no euphoric feeling though- just a frigid emptiness.  The boy’s vision began to blur, and as it did so, panic and confusion coursed through him at the speed of light.  What was going on?!  Why did he feel so empty?!   The boy became more scared than he’d ever been before.  This was hell.  Scratch that, this was far worse than hell!  He found he wanted pain, sorrow, anything but this!  Each of his senses was failing him one at a time now, and darkness began to consume him whole.  So…empty…


At that moment, the Serpent watched with complete apathy as the boy shattered into a million pieces.


 


Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I tell you that tragedy has struck this small town.  As some of you are already aware, at 2:30pm today, 15 year old Jeremy Scott died in his room from what has been declared to be suicide brought on by LSD.  He was discovered in his room, by his father, lying on the floor with multiple self - inflicted stab wounds to the neck area.  Upon further inspection, medics found what appeared to be belt marks on various areas of his body.  His father, David Scott, is currently in custody for further questioning about this.  Where Jeremy managed to get a hold of this drug in the first place is still being investigated.  Although Jeremy is no longer with us, he will continue to live on in the hearts and souls of his friends and loved ones…”     


© 2015 DoormanDan


Author's Note

DoormanDan
Sorry I haven't been on here much recently! The longest period of writer's block I have EVER had just came to an end(hooray!!!). I tried to focus more on the content of this story than I have in my past stories, can you see any difference at all? I'm fine with any sort of review you give, but I really prefer constructive reviews this time around :)

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Reviews

That is a great story! I love the way it seems like fantasy at first. You did a great job! The plot twist is done so well. Your story really hooked me. Nice job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


WOW! This story is like Wizard Of Oz meeting What Dreams May Come and The Cell. The twists in the plot are very well done and I especially love it how you took fantasy to describe what really is happening in reality. I especially love it how you used the serpents bite as being pleasurable and not intimidating.

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

I absolutely love the Wizard of Oz, and it did influence this piece a little bit. Thank you for rev.. read more
Hey I saw that you asked me to review this story. I just want you to know that I eventually plan on it, just that I'm not always on here to be able to review stuff as much as I would like. You will get my review though.

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

Tlhat's alright, I'm facing the same problem. Feel free to just review it whenever you want to :)
I really like this story. You did an fabulous job on this. An impressive and creative way of telling the story of this poor boys death and some of what led up to the choice he made on ending it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

I have to admit that I was really trying to find a loophole in my teacher's instructions for making .. read more
Tina Kline

9 Years Ago

You are welcome.
depression is a void in which we can simply not escape. i have mdd and have been struggling with self harm for almost 3years. but on this day for the first time ever i am 100 days clean. this story is absolutely incredible. very beautiful you did an amazing job

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

I'm sorry to hear about your depression, but am also happy to hear that you are 100 days clean now. .. read more
I thought you only did poetry. You did this story great. I think if you wanted to you could write a book and it would be great.

Posted 9 Years Ago


iveltac

9 Years Ago

:p that should only take an hour.
Cool Girl

9 Years Ago

I'll do it when I get home from school
iveltac

9 Years Ago

Okay dokay.
This is a brilliant write. For a young man just starting out into the writing world I would advise you to continue your studies and go on to college. You are doing great. Valentine

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

Thanks, I'm really glad you like this. I do plan on going to college, and I am considering trying t.. read more
Valentine

9 Years Ago

Great. I would also later on writing stories...short or long. I think God is giving you that talen.. read more
DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

Aw, you're so kind! Thank you :)
Once the viper came into play I had a feeling it would be about some drug, and I was right! I actually do find this very realistic because to the boy, this is what he was seeing and feeling while under the influence of the drug. No body else would have saw the same things, but to this boy it was real.
I noted the interaction with the father, it is very true that a lot of teens turn to drugs while living in unhappy family situations.
By the end, it made great sense :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


DoormanDan

9 Years Ago

Thank God it makes sense! I was afraid it wouldn't. Thanks for reviewing this Amber :)
Amber Lily

9 Years Ago

Happily! :)

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Added on March 8, 2015
Last Updated on June 19, 2015

Author

DoormanDan
DoormanDan

Manchester, Levenshulme, United Kingdom



About
I'm a twenty seven year old preschool teacher who enjoys writing poetry, songs, stories, paintball and other things. My favorite things to do are parkour, video games, listening to music, and making .. more..

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