One Minute Chapter One: The Story of a Nobody

One Minute: Chapter One

The Story of a Nobody

In the late hours of the old, dying day, twilight had wrapped his cloak around the state of Ohio.  The current time for the state was 6:10pm.  At this time, the usually quiet, lifeless roads were roaring with noise as many workers, both male and female, were making their way home from work.  To most of them, it had just been another average day, but to one particular young man who was on his way home for the evening, the day was anything but normal, and he didn't even know why.  Overall, his day had been fantastic in every way, and yet for some bizarre reason that the man couldn't figure out, he felt empty.  It was a very strange sensation indeed.

This young man looked to be in his early to mid twenties, with coal black hair that was in a somewhat organized mess, and eyes that were a deep, dark, soothing shade of blue.  He had a fairly thin build and a normal white complexion.  One would possibly assume that this individual didn't work at an office of any kind, due to his casual black, short sleeved t-shirt and dark, ocean blue jeans.  The only thing that really stood out about this young man was the dog tag around his neck that had the name Drake engraved into it.

As Drake was driving down the road, wondering why he felt so empty, his phone started ringing.  Many people, when this happened, would have just answered it, not thinking about the risk that talking on the phone while driving could draw, but this person was different.  Without taking his eyes off the road for a single second, the man reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and placed it on a stand that was between the drivers seat and passenger seat.  With his eyes still locked onto the road like a hungry lion locked onto its prey, he answered the call.

"Hello, who is this?"  The man asked, even though he was certain he already knew who it was.

After a short moment of silence, a girl responded on the other end, "Hey Drake!  It's me, Ashley."  The lady then added a little joke, "You can't even remember your best friend?  That makes me sadder than burnt toast."

Drake chuckled at her rather peculiar humor before apologizing, "Sorry Ashley."

"All is forgiven, for now at least."

Now that their friendly jesting was over, Drake headed right to business, "What's up?"

A yawn could be heard on the other end.  After a brief moment, Drake's friend continued, "Do you know if you're available for the weekend?"

The black haired youth thought about it.  His memory was miles from photographic, but he was 99% sure that there washing he had to for the next few days.  Confident in his memory, he gave a concise answer, "Yeah.  Why do you ask?"

There was a momentary pause, almost as if Ashley was trying to decide how to word what she was about to say.  But being the fluently social person she was, she quickly found her words, "Uh...Tyler, Zach, Dillon and I are planning on going hang gliding on Saturday, and I was wondering if you'd like to-".

"No thanks."  Drake responded before she could finish.  It was evident that he didn't even so much as think about it.

Ashley sighed, "Aw, why not?  You need to live a little!"

Even though he was talking on his cellphone, the blue eyed young man shook his head, "Sorry Ashley, but you know I don't like dangerous things like that."

But his friend was quite a stubborn one, and continued trying to persuade him, "you never want to do anything!  You wouldn't even come to a baseball game with us because you were afraid of the possibility of getting bashed on the head by a baseball!"

"That sort of thing has happened before..."

"I know that-" There was a slight hint of frustration in Ashley's voice now, "-but the chances of that happening to you are one in fifty trillion billion million thousand nine hundred and two!  Don't you think you're being a little too paranoid?"

Drake was (slowly) getting irritated, but tried his best not to show it, "Whenever there's even a small chance of serious injury or death, I do everything I can to avoid it.  Look Ashley, no is no."

"How can you be so content with just hiding away from the world?!  Do you seriously think this is how your mom would want you to live your-"

Now his beloved friend had crossed the line.  Before she could even finish, Drake erupted , "Ashley, I don't care if you are my best friend, don't you dare bring my mother into this!!"

There was a very long, awkward silence between the two after this.  As more time passed, the more Drake's rage subsided, and the more bad he began to feel.  Finally, he shattered the silence into serrated shards with a sigh, "Um...geez.  Ashley, I'm really sorry.  You did not deserve that at all."

His friend continued to feed her silence, but Drake knew she was still on the line.  he mentally berated himself for losing his temper, and made one last attempt to mend the situation, "Look Ashley, I'll give it more thought.  I promise I will let you know my final answer first thing tomorrow morning, okay?"

At long last, Ashley spoke again, although she was unusually quiet, "Please do."  Without saying a word more, she ended the call.  As he heard the sound that meant the call had been finished,  Drake groaned loudly, banging his head lightly on the steering wheel.

"Nice going you idiot!" He shouted in his head.  There were times when he just wished he had never been born, and this was one of those moments.

Meanwhile...

Ashley, upon hanging up, tossed her phone onto her bed and rubbed her neck.  She took a deep breath and just stared at her phone.  There seemed to be a thin coating of sadness over her eyes as she stared.  She didn't move a muscle for approximately a minute, a minute that felt like five millennia.  Finally, the woman mumbled something.  If a person with great hearing was in her room when she spoke, he/she might have heard something like, "I just don't want you to regret anything in the end."  Not saying anymore, Ashley left her room, closing the door behind her.

Author's Note

The first few chapters of this story are going to be fairly slow paced. I promise that after chapter 2, things will start to pick up. I personally think this chapter is pretty weak, but it was the best could come up with. Is having the chapters be around this long enough, or should they be longer? Tell me what you think! :)

Reviews

[A Ghost of Myself]

At this time, the usually quiet, lifeless roads were roaring with noise as many workers, (both male and female), were making their way home from work.  To most of them, it had (just) been another average day (filled with forgotten car keys, almost intolerable morning traffic, and jobs that gave mediocre pay.) [Try and avoid irrelevant information, the general term 'workers' will suffice. An average day, the reader knows what an average day entails.]

In the second paragraph you have 'this young man' then in the next paragraph you have, 'the black haired man' then back to 'Drake' in the following dialogue. Are these two different characters? If they're the same stick with his name to avoid confusion.

(probably a girl) it either is or not.

The lady then added a little joke, pretending to sound hurt, [this is not needed, the dialogue implies this]

Drake's friend continued [She continued,]

Drake was (slowly) getting irritated,

Now his beloved friend had crossed the line.  Before she could even finish, Drake erupted in a firestorm of rage, [you don't need to explain everything, let the dialogue do the work, his words tells us angry, also don't all cap for emphasis, let the words show the action, if you need to add, he erupted.]

but the messy haired man knew [Drake knew]

His friend, upon hanging up, tossed her phone onto her bed and rubbed her neck. [in your final paragraph you switch to Ashley's POV (point of view) don't do this, stay with one character per scene and avoid head hopping. The information of Ashley's actions and thoughts are unknown to him.


Okay, you have an interesting beginning, we have two characters, one (Ashley) who wants to live life to the fullest, and Drake, who is paranoid. It should be interesting to see if Ashley can pull him from his shell. There are some issues with the chapter, but you're on a good track. If you have any questions about the notes above feel free to contact me.

[DoormanDan]

I see what you're talking about. I was trying to avoid using Drake's name constantly, and the way I was taught how to write involved using different phrases. I appreciate the constructive criticism, and will try to fix my story writing flaws in later chapters :)

[Katie]

I love how your story is going so far I can not wait to read more!!!:)

[DoormanDan]

I'm glad you like it so far! Things are only going to get crazier in this book the further you go :)

[Workvio]

Boy meets girl ... Girl likes boy ... Boy is moronically entwined within his own mental issues ... I would suspect mental illness as the appropriate term, though he may be unawares, and his doting girl, too ... However, a woman's perception goes far beyond that of most any man's, in seeing us for our defects, and for what they know we can be ... Most guys, when they meet a girl with problems, run the other way ... But women, are a different breed of cat, and they will attempt to salvage the good in a man that he simply cannot see ...Enter, Ashley into the life of Drake ... Is it a mistake? ... Could be, but she is staking her heart that it is not, or so it seems at the conclusion of this first interesting chapter ... I wonder if he shall wise up ... Chapter 2 awaits ...

[Amber Lily]

This is a great first chapter. No need to worry about it being dull because it definitely gives enough to keep the readers attention. I can see this going somewhere really interesting keep it up!

Also the "sadder than burnt toast" thing made me laugh more than it probably should have lol

[DoormanDan]

lol, that was my attempt at humor, I'm glad it worked :)

[Skai Rain]

Oooh, a great start! I don't think this chapter is weak at all. I look forward to reading more eventually :)

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for the encouragement. I just hope I can find the inspiration to see this through to the end :)

[Cool Girl]

Wow, Dan. I stibk at writing stories, but you sure don't. I think each chapter can be this length:)
Amazing job! I can't wait to read chapter 2!

[DoormanDan]

I really appreciate the positive review CG! Don't give up on story writing if you aren't very good at it right now, it just takes practice :)

[Cool Girl]

Thanks! And Ur welcome!

[Valentine]

This is pretty darn good. It held my interest from beginning to the end and I will be happy to read the next chapter when it comes. I believe you do have talent young man. Valentine

[DoormanDan]

I'm really happy that you like the story so far! When I first posted this, I thought the chapter was a bit weak, but it's good to know that I didn't disappoint.

[Lizardo]

Actually, It's very strong and I will wait for chapter 2 to see how everything is going.
Do like the story and how everything is going, I can see a mistery going on with the ending
With all of my heart I tell you that this is going to be one great story! For just what you've shown here, I know it will be good, And with my heart (again xD) I tell you that this is very good,awesome,cool, etc.
Great chapter my friend Dan! I'm eager to read more :)

[DoormanDan]

I'm glad you think the story is good so far. But the real fun hasn't even started for this story yet. After the next chapter, it's going to become similar to my Children of Stardust Story. Just wait :)

[Lizardo]

Great! I'll wait eagerly for it! By the way, I have already up chapter 2 of my book ''Dream Scapers''
If you're interested

[DoormanDan]

That's awesome! I can't wait to read it! :)