Prologue

One Minute: Prologue

 

 

It is a proven scientific fact that all butterflies begin their lives as nothing more than small, slow, weak caterpillars.  Eventually, those caterpillars under go the process of Metamorphosis, and are encased in a silky shell known as a cocoon.  Then, when they are finally ready, they break out of that cocoon and, at long last, become butterflies.  The newly born butterflies spread their colorful wings and take flight, forever kissing their grounded lives goodbye and embracing a new endeavor amongst the zeppelins and birds of the sky above.  For eons the Earth has pirouetted in the brilliant darkness of the cosmos, and this fact has never changed, not even once.

 

Humanity is, in numerous ways, like those caterpillars.  We go through a process exactly like the one those fantastic little creatures go through.  Unlike the caterpillars though, there are a few of us who would prefer to never leave the cocoon that seals us off from the rest of the world.  You may be asking yourself why anybody would want to just live and die in a shell; and that is a question pondered upon by many.  I think I might have an answer to that question; fear.  Those people are afraid of the many things that could be waiting for their arrival outside of their cocoon, and with good reason.  After all, it is a brand new world to them, and almost anything could happen, regardless of whether it's good or bad.

 

This thick coating of unpredictability that smothers the entire planet is the foundation of those people's rampant fear of abandoning their shell.  But if they don't embrace the world, then when the time comes for their dance with the stars to end, they will depart from this life, weighed down by an anchor of regret made up of empty picture frames and unspoken words.  So what those people should do is break out of their cocoons, let the sunlight touch their faces with his fingertips, and allow the whispers of the wind reach their ears.  I know that it's hard to do, for I myself once thought it best to waste away in my shell.  In order to help any of you who are afraid of the world of which you live in, let me tell you the story of a young man who transcended his fears and broke out of his cocoon...

 

To be continued

Author's Note

This is the prologue to the story. I know it's short, and doesn't really reveal any of what will take place in the story, but that's because I'm still working out the story in my head. Regardless, tell me what you think! :)

Reviews

[A Ghost of Myself]

I was with you until this point,”You may be asking yourself why anybody would want to just live and die in a shell; and that is a question pondered upon by many.”  it reads as a voice over giving the prologue, but then you induced the reader. Avoid this, unless relevant to the story-line. In reality readers don't want to be acknowledged, consider them voyeurs, when you speak to the reader it breaks immersion, because you give the reader the opportunity to think and say 'No I don't, I wouldn't' in which case they become defensive and you can lose them.

It's not a bad prologue, but I question is it a prologue, it would really depend on the narration that follows (which I haven't gotten to yet) but it give the feeling of an opening monologue/ voice-over/ synopsis. It's hard for me to define without understanding the direction. I'll read the first chapter (probably tomorrow) then I can reflect and maybe offer some insights. As of reading now, I'm not 100% sure what to expect.

[DoormanDan]

I see your point. Thanks for your honest opinion :)

[DoormanDan]

And plus, the significance of this prologue won't actually be revealed until near the end of the story :)

[A Ghost of Myself]

Dan, I hope you're not taking my critiques as negative, not my intention. I'm offering notes, nothing more, you're not obligated to follow them. What I meant based on this prologue, is its not the true definition of a prologue. There are several different narrative devices that can be used when writing a prologue; the assumption is that a prologue is a teaser, which is not always the case. I liked your set up here. The problem I see is it's not a standardize type, you introduce you character's problem, and use a great metaphor, but it doesn't actually lead into the story.

[DoormanDan]

Don't worry, I'm not taking your critiques as negative, I really appreciate your critiques! Everything you wrote is very helpful, and the reason the prologue doesn't really lead into the story is because I wrote the prologue when this story was still a little idea in my head :)

[A Ghost of Myself]

Understandable. I have about a dozen prologues in my achieves that have no story to follow. I hope the notes help. Good luck with your future installments.

[Justin Xavier Smith]

I think this is a very interesting first chapter for sure. I think you should come back and do a slight re-write on it after you've worked out more of the later part of the story, because this feels extremely vague, and like it isn't even necessarily referring to anything. Humans coming out of what TYPE of cocoon? A cocoon for superpowers? A metaphorical cocoon that is holding us back from our full potential? Is this just saying "hey, you can be whatever you want to be!" or is this a science fiction story? It isn't completely clear from the prologue and I think we should at least have SOME idea of what we're in for. Yes, the prologue is supposed to ask questions and pique the reader's interest, but it also has to be asking the RIGHT questions or a reader might get frustrated and move on.
That said, there's a lot of potential here. There are so many ways the story could go after this point, and I'm very curious to find out which way it's leading.

[DoormanDan]

I know what you mean. I agree that it is vague, and once I get the whole story complete, I plan on coming back to this and altering it. Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it :)

[Workvio]

Actually, to my old fart way of thinking, a prologue should say just enough to spark the interest of a potential reader, and you have done just that ... Now on to chapter one ...

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for reviewing both the prologue and chapter one :)

[Mr_M]

I think this a brilliant piece. If it weren't for the last sentence this section for me, could be put anywhere in your book. I wouldn't change anything. I love the journey and the links to humanity. It is just the right amount of text. After reading your prologue I would read on without a second thought.

[DoormanDan]

I'm really glad you think so. The first few chapters of the story still need a bit of fine tuning, but hopefully they're as good as you think the prologue is :)

[Mr_M]

your style is right up my street. this place is the best for fine tuning. In that case I won't need to wish you luck. Send me a request when it they are posted and I will have a read.

[DoormanDan]

They are already on the website. I have three more chapters posted already, so feel free to check them out and tell me what you think! :)

[Amber Lily]

This is a great observation of a certain tendency in the human race. Will they reach for the stars and touch their dreams, or will they stick with what they know and remain content with ordinary life?
This has left me very curious about the rest of the book :)

[DoormanDan]

I haven't gotten everything worked out yet in my head, but I have every intention of continuing this story :)

[Chavic]

It's interesting. I agree with your thoughts. Am pretty sure you'll make a good book once you've creatively put the thoughts inside your head into words. Your prologue is short yet for me it somehow tells the whole idea of a concept. Also, I like how you played with words. All the best!

[DoormanDan]

I appreciate you taking the time to read and review this :)

[Chavic]

You are most welcome :)

[Confused Author]

A good start, hope your book comes together.

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for taking the time to review this! I actually just posted the first chapter a few moments ago :)