Chapter One

Her hand hovered over the computer mouse, her index finger rolling the cursor up and down rapidly; her flight details blurring into a black and white maze of indecision.

She had never resented a computer so much in her life.

 

She snatched her hand away from the mouse, tucked her hands underneath her chin and stared at the screen:

 

Passenger Name: Lucy Eleanor Gilbert.

Destination: London, England.

Flight Number: 1851. One way.

 

Her name, her destination, her possible future: still and stark. Lucy’s eyes devoured each detail as she gnawed at the corner of her lip. With one click, her plan would become personified, tangible enough to hold. She abandoned the sight of the blinking cursor and picked up a pen, deciding that doodling on her appointment book was a far more imperative task.

 

Her mind immediately flashed to her current home, perched cozily on a quiet street in her hometown. Lucy stared at the computer screen as she pondered the most efficient organizational system for packing thirty one years of her life. Labels? She wrote lazily in the margins. She pictured herself categorizing her belongings by metaphorical content only, much like the Dewey Decimal System but without the pesky numbers. She’d use much more identifiable classifications. There would be her favorite Betsey Johnson tote adorned with a simple luggage tag labeled “smothering family issues.” It would sit beside the tidily packed Polka Dot hobo bag simply entitled "terrified small town girl wildly escaping from her romantic past." Finally, a stack of simple black luggage modestly labeled, "Baggage. Literally. Refer to aforementioned bags." She sighed in discontent at the sight of her scribbles. Her eyes stared off as she wondered how much a label printer would cost. If she planned on shipping her belongings and her life halfway across the world, she decided that she might as well be organized about it.

 

“So did you do it?” A voice came from behind her. Lucy finished drawing a top hat on the stick figure she scrawled amongst her notes and spun around in her chair to see Nina standing in the doorway with an expectant look on her face. Her pin straight auburn hair was pulled back into a severe pony tail, showcasing the apples of her pale pink cheeks. Her almond shaped eyes narrowed as Lucy shook her head ‘no’. A frown pulled at the corners of Nina’s mouth.

 

Her ruby red heels clicked on the hardwood floor as she walked behind Lucy’s chair, leaning over her shoulder to look at the screen. Nina made a “hmph” sound as she turned towards her friend. Her thin frame leaned against the edge of the mahogany desk.

 

“Why is your ticket dated for three months from now?” She asked. Her face was set in a deadpan stare. Her free hand was perched on her hip, one of her fingers looped into the top of her cutting scissors.

 

Lucy rocked back in her chair and pulled at the ends of her hair. “Three months. Right. Well..” She paused and looked up at the ceiling in thought. “Three months gives me enough time to sublet my house, take care of any loose ends at the salon, and, you know…” She stared back at Nina and paused before she concluded her futile defense. She sat up in her chair and hoped her posture would make her words sound more resolute, “…pack.”

“Pack?” Nina questioned, her eyebrows shot upward in a look of skepticism. “It’ll take you three months to pack?”

“I’m not just going for a weekend trip to the Hamptons, Nina. I’m moving to a different country.” She defended as she pointed at the destination. It glared back at her from the computer screen. Lucy let out a breath and rubbed the tops of her knees. “I just…I need time.”  She explained as she watched Nina’s manicured fingers tap the corner of her laptop impatiently.

Nina took a seat in the empty chair across from her and rested her elbows on her knees. “You know you need to do this, Luce. You have a once in a lifetime apprenticeship, a beautiful loft to live in, and nothing holding you down anymore.”

 

Lucy winced at the word as it echoed in her head. Anymore. Anymore. It was such a desolate term: the complete absence of something that used to be. She cocked her head to the side. Her blonde layers spilled down her arm as she looked at the screen. “I’m just not ready yet.”

 

“What are you waiting for Luce?”

She opened her mouth to respond when Nina held up a hand. “He’s not coming back.”

 

Lucy inhaled sharply, her collar bone rising defensively, holding its stance to cushion her heart from the blow of Nina’s words. Her eyes broke away from Nina’s stare as she took in the sight of her supply cabinet. She forced herself to blink away the wispy image of him frozen in time, crouched on the hardwood floor of her office, a sharpie perched behind his ear as he helped her label each bottle of hair color.

 

She nodded in response. “I know that. I do. I mean, I was the one who told him not to come back. It’s just… there’s these overwhelming moments when I start to question why.” Lucy turned her gaze to her lap and focused on her pointer finger sitting on the edge of her knee. It looked empty and swollen. It was missing his ring: a giant rhinestone silver loop too big for her tiny fingers. Despite the size, she wore it every day for five years. It was bright green and gaudy, constantly hooking its jagged edges on to the edges of her clothes and the tangles in her hair. But she couldn’t be without it. It was everything he was - unique, ostentatious, irreplaceable.  Now he was gone and the ring sat in a shoebox under her bed.

 

Even still, he was impossible to escape. She couldn’t even use the bathroom without memories of him intruding into the stall. Lucy always twisted his ring around her finger while she peed, staring at the wall and wondering what he was looking at wherever he was. Now, the minute she sat down on a toilet, her fingers automatically rubbed her empty ring finger like a Pavlov’s Dog Experiment gone wrong. And while she was painfully aware that she would still have to urinate in London, she hoped the drastic change in bathroom scenery would break her operant conditioning. Soon she planned to be able to sit on any toilet in complete and total mental bliss.

 

Lucy blinked and shook her head, trying to rid herself of the image of him.

Nina cleared her throat. “You know exactly why you told him to leave, Lucy. You wanted something different for your life. Something he just couldn’t give you no matter how much the two of you wanted it. It’s been a year. It’s time to let go and trust that you made the right decision.” She stood up and squeezed Lucy’s shoulder. “You know he’d want you to go.”

She smirked. “I know exactly what he’d say.”

Nina laughed. “Let me guess: ‘Luce, you so have to do this. Please go and send me so many pictures. Oh my God, I’m so excited for you!’” She giggled at Nina’s spot on impression of his voice. He had a way of making everything seem like the most exciting thing he’s ever heard; always over exaggerating his words to convey his enthusiasm. It was never disingenuous, never forced, and infectious enough to make everyone around him smile.  Nina’s shoulders shot up towards her ears and shook in silent laughter.

 

Lucy had seen her distinctive, quiet laugh countless times since they first met on a sand filled playground just miles away from where they would one day open up a salon together. She remembered imparting bashful glances in her direction, Lucy’s blue eyes hidden behind the comforting denim of her mother’s jeans.  Her father noticed her painful shyness through the visor of his navy Yankees hat and ushered her over to where Nina was standing, her pink sneakers dangling with ease from rust covered monkey bars. It was there that their friendship formed over their shared love for Lisa Frank stickers, Joey McIntyre, and their hope to expand their ever growing Pog collections. They chatted endlessly with each other as their skinny little arms ambled back and forth across the metal beams. 

 

A sad realization washed over her. If she clicked the button to purchase her plane ticket, in three short months she would be relying on long distance calls to hear Nina’s signature giggle, which for obvious reasons, isn’t something that translated well over phone lines. A point proven to her in high school when their ears burned copper red from hours spent attached to the receiver. During one particular marathon phone conversation, Lucy recapped the events of Mr. Miller’s dreaded fifth period math class.

 

She shared a desk with the coveted Matt Thaler, her romantic obsession at the time and the quarterback of the football team. With his cropped dirty blonde hair and dimples, he often sent the school’s female population whispering in delight as he sauntered down the hallway, his prized football in hand. She spent 180 painful days in the front row, subject to renegade gray drops of liquid flying onto her open math book as Mr. Miller leaned over their desks; his dramatic lisp sending a smattering of spit from his wrinkled mouth as he bellowed “Solution Sets Miss Gilbert!” She would immediately look to Matt with hope that they could bond over their unfortunate seating choices, but his gaze was permanently affixed to the legs of the cheerleader to his right. After Lucy’s dire retelling was over and silence echoed from the other end, she immediately thought that Nina’s little brother had taken revenge against their marathon phone conversations, severing their connection with his camouflage print Crayola scissors. But within seconds, a loud gasp for air resonated through the receiver, assuring her that Nina was just in a fit of laughter.

 

Lucy watched Nina recover from her giggle with an adoring stare; she would miss her so much if she left.

Nina’s hand smoothed the top of her pony tail as she spoke. “Listen, I know you miss him. I know this is hard. But you have to go. Trust me. Better yet, trust yourself. Click the button.”

 

“If I do it, if I buy this ticket, then it means…”

“Then it means what? That you’re finally doing something for yourself? You’re actually putting your dreams first for once? You’re going - ”

Lucy stopped her. “It means we’re really over.”

“That’s kind of the point, Luce.” She smiled sadly at her before the receptionist called her to the front desk. She popped her head back in the doorway of Lucy’s office, her fingers wrapped around the door frame. “You do know that whether or not you decide to stay here or go to London, Brian will still be gone.”

 

Lucy nodded and smiled sadly at her. She turned back to her desk and drew a large frown on the face of her stick figure, adding an exaggerated loop for a tongue. The pen dot eyes looked back at her and mocked her with an inky stare. He dared her to click the button, knowing she wouldn’t. Not yet. She flipped her appointment book over and hid the know-it-all stick face. Lucy turned her monitor off and stared at the black screen, feeling her heart deflate. The sensation reminded her of the tiny balloon giraffe her brother had given to her when she was little. She loved it so much that she squeezed it hard against her. It popped; its puffy body shriveled into wrinkled latex against her chest.

Reviews

[KurKota]

I normally do not read books on this site, as when I have tried to do so in the past I would get either bored to tears within the first few paragraphs or the writing was so amateurish I just could not bring myself to expend any more time reading on. Frankly, that was the mind set I had when somewhat out of boredom I came across your Icon...I saw "books" and I thought "nope"..but for some unknown urge, I decided to go ahead and click on the Prologue. Now I am telling you that I am very glad I did.... you have a very intersting style and your ability to describe in a unique manner, what really are relatively routine type of events in a young persons life.

[Danielle Wesley]

Thank you so much! That means quite a lot! I was just browsing through your poetry. I'll review shortly. :)

[KurKota]

You are welcome. I have yet to read your last chapter, but I intend to soon. I thank you for considering reading mine, but I don't you to feel any particular obligation. I genuinely do like your writing ! It is very good.

[Clarisse Nanoit]

Critiques:
"“I’m not just going for a weekend trip to the Hamptons, Nina. I’m moving to a different country.” She defended as she pointed at the destination." ----> You want to say, "...moving to a different country," she defended... It should remain one sentence; you have a fragment there. Same for the next quotation in the same paragraph. I have only read this far (as of now), so Idk if you struggle with this quotation punctuation throughout, but it's something to consider and tweak.

once in a lifetime apprenticeship ----> should be once-in-a-lifetime apprenticeship
It all makes up one adjective.

"...It’s just… there’s these overwhelming moments when I start to question why." ----> Proper grammar would have Lucy say, "There are just these..." However, I see you could have done this on purpose as a character flaw; just pointing it out in case it was unintentional.

The only real writing critique I can give here is I suggest setting up the scene just a tiny bit more near the beginning, because I didn't know where, exactly, they were until toward the end when you said something about the office, so I was thinking they were roommates and they were at home. Other than that, very well-written and interesting! You're very talented!

KH

[CreativeStroke]

Wow, this is quite impressive Danielle! Your talent is definitely in writing I must say.
Your eye for detail and ability to make your characters so real is amazing. I was completely zoned into this story, no care or sense to anything around me, but this story. Very rarely does that happen to me with writers on sites like this, but you have captured my complete attention with this work of art. On to the next chapter I go!

[CreativeStroke]

Well I see you do not have chapter two published yet. Please let me know when more is posted, because i am anxious to read it.