Chapter OneA Chapter by Danielle WesleyMy eyes fixated on the blinking lights in front of me. Anticipation settled in the pit of my stomach, commanding my knots of nausea to whirl and sway in a sickening motion. The minutes ticked by loudly as I eyeballed the machine that held my fate in its greedy, archaic grasps; its lazy mechanics stretching its lifeless arms into action. I have never resented a printer so much in my life. The hum of the cartridge moving idly back and forth seemed to mock my impatience as it leisurely spewed forth my document. Finally. I touched the corner of the paper lifting it to glance at the text. The heat from the printer calmed me as I silently read the words that held my future in tiny, organized lines. “Passenger Name: Lucy Eleanor Gilbert. Destination: London, England. Flight Number: 1851. One way.” My eyes devoured each ink covered
detail, reveling in the notion that my plan was personified, tangible enough to
hold. My mind immediately flashed to my current home, perched cozily on a quiet
street in my hometown. I began doodling on my appointment book, pondering the
most efficient organizational system for packing up twenty-seven years of my life.
I could label my belongings by metaphorical content only, much like the Dewey
Decimal System. Instead of pesky
numbers, I’d use much more identifiable classifications like “smothering family
issues” or “control freak seeking “So did you do it?” A voice came from behind me, startling me from my thoughts. I quickly finished drawing a hat on the stick figure I doodled in the margin of my page and spun around in my chair to see Nina standing in the doorway of my office with an expectant look on her face. Her pin straight auburn hair was pulled back into a severe pony tail, showcasing the apples of her pale pink cheeks. Her almond shaped eyes narrowed questioningly as I handed my ticket over to her awaiting hand. I watched her scan the details of my impending flight, a frown beginning to pull at the corners of her mouth. Nina looked up at me with a deadpan
face, immediately inquiring about my choice of departure date. Her free hand
perched on her hip, one of her fingers looped into the top of her cutting
scissors. She shouldn’t have been surprised by my decision; three months gave
me a comfortable window to sell my home, transition my budding salon business
over to her, and emotionally prepare myself for a transatlantic relocation. I’ve seen her distinctive, albeit quiet laugh countless times since we first met on a sand filled playground just miles away from where we would one day open up a salon together. I remember imparting bashful glances in her direction, my blue eyes hidden behind the comforting denim of my mother’s jeans. My father noticed my painful shyness through the visor of his navy Yankees hat and ushered me over to where she was standing, her pink sneakers dangling with ease from the rust covered monkey bars. It was there that our friendship formed over our shared love for Lisa Frank stickers, Joey McIntyre, and our hope to expand our ever growing Pog collections. We chatted endlessly with each other as our skinny little arms ambled back and forth across the metal beams. A sad realization began to wash over me. In three short months, I’ll be relying on long distance calls to hear her signature giggle, which for obvious reasons, isn’t something that translates well over phone lines. In high school, when our ears burned copper red from hours spent attached to the receiver, I would recap the events of Mr. Miller’s dreaded fifth period math class. I shared a desk with the coveted Matt Thaler, my romantic obsession at the time and the quarterback of the football team. With his cropped blonde hair and dimples, he often sent the school’s female population whispering in delight as he sauntered down the hallway, his prized football in hand. I spent 180 painful days in the front row, subject to gray drops of liquid flying onto my open math book as Mr. Miller leaned over our desk; his dramatic lisp sending a smattering of spit from his wrinkled mouth as he bellowed “Solution Sets Miss Gilbert!” I would immediately look to Matt with hope that we could bond over our unfortunate seating choices, but his gaze was permanently affixed to the legs of the cheerleader to his right whose uniform skirt was conveniently hemmed two sizes too short. After my dire retelling was over and silence echoed from the other end, I would immediately think that Nina’s little brother had taken revenge against our marathon phone conversations, severing our connection with his camouflage print Crayola scissors. But within seconds, a loud gasp for air would resonate through the receiver, assuring me that Nina was just in a fit of laughter. “I’m going to miss you so much Neens but after all that has happened, I really have to get out of here. I look around and all I see is him.” I sighed as I took in the sight of my supply cabinet, forcing myself to blink away the wispy image of him frozen in time, crouched on the hardwood floor of my office, a sharpie perched behind his ear as he helped me label each bottle of hair color. I don’t know whose idea it was to coin the phrase, ‘You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again,’ but I’d like to contact them for further elaboration and detailed advice on exactly just how to do that. Because here I am, one year post devastating break up and I can’t even use the bathroom without thinking about my ex-fiancé. I used to do the most gazing at my engagement ring while I peed. Now, the minute I sit down on a toilet, my eyes automatically shoot to my empty ring finger like a Pavlov’s Dog Experiment gone wrong. And while I’m painfully aware that I will still have to urinate while in London, I’m hoping that the drastic change in bathroom scenery will break my operant conditioning. Soon I hope to be able to sit on any toilet in complete and total mental bliss. Nina shook her head in disappointment. “It’s been a year Luce, I think it’s safe to call him something other than a pronoun.” “Gavin.” I bellowed dramatically as I widened my eyes at her. She nodded with satisfaction. “After all that’s happened with him, I owe it to myself to keep the one promise I made in the bleak days after he left.” I absent mindedly touched my left hand ring finger before snatching it away quickly. “It’s just time for me to do something I want to do for once, without having to think of all the grave consequences it’ll have on my relationship. Besides, you know I’ve dreamed of going to London since I was a little girl.” I stopped myself before rehashing my theory that I lived a past life in London as a nanny who had a scandalous affair with a married British man, and then died a victim of the Plague. For some strange reason, my friends refuse to entertain the idea that my past life theory not only explains my unconditional love for all things British and my strange attraction to Jude Law but also sheds light on the reasons for my crippling fear of vomiting. If a mastermind scientist comes forward in years to come with shocking evidence that each human being carried with them past lives, I will rejoice for the mere fact that I can finally tell my friends, “I told you so!” Nina sighed. “I get all of that, I really do. And I’m trying to be a supportive friend but I just can’t help but feel like you expect this permanent change to somehow…” “Fix things?” I finished for her. “Fix things, yes. And I can’t shake the feeling that this is your last attempt to show him you’re really moving on this time.” I have to agree with her that my
plane ticket purchase coincides suspiciously with Gavin’s recent engagement to
the woman he left me for. I felt my inner confidence balloon deflate. That’s the wretched thing about having a friend who knows way too much about the inner workings of your mind; they always point out the one thought you’re desperately trying to avoid having. So instead of owning up and confessing my true, bona fide intentions, I did what every twenty something, strong willed and stubborn minded girl does when faced with pointed uncertainty and self doubt - lie and hope you do a damn good job faking it. “It has nothing to do with Gavin.” I raised my eyebrows and sat up in my chair confidently for added effect. “Honestly, I just want to start over, change paces and focus on me. That’s all this is, Neens - a change in location that will only benefit my future in the best kind of way. No hidden agenda necessary.” Nina eyed me skeptically before she was called away to the front desk. I sighed. I shouldn’t have added that last part. I turned back to my desk and drew a large frown on the face of my stick figure, adding an exaggerated loop for a tongue. The pen dot eyes looked back at me, mocking me with an inky stare as if he knew my true intentions. I flipped my appointment book over, hiding his know-it-all stick face and leaned back in my chair. Of course I want to go to London for all aforesaid reasons. But if I’m being honest with myself and with Nina (and my sardonic stick man), I am secretly fantasizing about Gavin running dramatically down the airport walkways while yelling my name passionately and dropping to his knees in tears, all while professing his undying love for me. So in reality, I guess I didn’t actually lie to Nina. I don’t have a hidden agenda. I have a blatantly obvious one. © 2011 Danielle WesleyFeatured Review
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Added on January 19, 2011Last Updated on May 19, 2011 Previous Versions AuthorDanielle WesleyWarwick, RIAboutThis is a shy writer’s attempt to share her stories, overcome her stage fright,and ultimately defeat the silent, sardonic mocking of the blinking cursor. Please take a look at the novel I'm c.. more..Writing
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