This Place

A Story by ghjckukc offcuo

Just Breathe. Breath. In, out, in, out, in; one, two, three, four, out. Not this place again. I can feel the bed beneath me, but I'm not on it, I keep sinking in. I open my eyes and I'm reassured of my condition. Everything is miles away, but much closer than it could ever possibly be at the same. My body feels miles away, and so much beyond right here at the same time.

I look down at my arm as I lift it up, just a twig, it feels as if I was to try to put any weight on it, it would be like laying an unabridged dictionary on a blade of grass, full of fail. I roll to my side and look at my fiance, she smiles and lays an arm around me. I jump and throw her arm off me, it feels like a combined feeling of being dirty and lost with an odd sting.

She gets a saddened look on her face. I'm glad this doesn't scare her anymore, but I wish she wouldn't get so upset, it makes me feel like s**t. "Are you OK?" Why does she always try to talk to me when I'm like this? Each word from her mouth hits me as a wrecking ball, her voice sends me flying out the wall behind me and causes a deep pain in my stomach. I roll over and pick up my water glass, the odd feeling causes me to drop it.

As I sit up I'm sent flying to the other side of the room, it takes a minute to regain my bearings, then I stand up and am shot through the ceiling, once again it takes a minute to steady myself and come back down. As I begin to walk to the kitchen to get a towel to clean my mess, I can't feel my footsteps, instead of muscles contracting and expanding and my feet hitting the floor, I just float as if it's not even me in the body.

I look up from the floor and find myself in the bathroom in front of the mirror staring at the body that stairs back. As I stand there I can't stop moving, just floating in one place. I put my hand on the counter to steady myself but it doesn't do any good because my hand just passes through the counter. I'm so confused, what is this frail body and how did I get here? I touch my eyes and nose, mouth and ears, arms and chest, examining every inch of the body. I've lived in this thing my entire life, why is it still so alien? Why does it still act as if I don't belong to it?

Before I can think anymore I find myself back in the bedroom standing at the foot of the bed. She looks at me, she sees the look in my eyes, the lost, the confusion. She sees I don't have a towel and knows why. Thankfully she doesn't say a word this time, just rolls on her side as I climb in the bed, tears already rolling. I press myself tightly to her as she wraps her arms around me, the love immediately pouring in. I hide my face in her chest she shouldn't have to see me like this, she just kisses the top of my head. This love, it's all I need, it brings me back and I'm once again one with my body, this is my real home.

Why is it that the one place I can reside that my soul doesn't reject, an emotion that exists within another's body?