Chapter One: A Ride Through The Desert

10 years away from home is a long time and homesickness is a plague that never goes away. Kaida struggles with her own issues and her past.

Chapter One: A Ride Through the Desert

My fathers gave me everything I could ask for, and I asked for a lot.

Together, they gave me the gift of magic and knowledge. Whatever I wanted to know, my fathers would tell me. I learned to make flowers come alive and how to fly on a broomstick. My birthdays were always happy and my Christmases were never alone. When I asked if I was adopted, they did not lie to me either.

My fathers gave me more than I realized. 

I received a home, food, and a family. They gave me courage and support, even when I was ashamed of my own self. I often wondered if my fathers knew what they were doing. What fears they must have thought when I was not around, or what thoughts plagued their minds when I said something wrong. It's like a lullaby I can't turn off.

When I was forced from my home, there was no one to blame. I said my fathers gave me what I could ask for. Was it my fault when I asked a question and they could not give me an answer, I sought it myself? When I asked what that simple fountain of water did and they did not answer, was it my fault I had unlocked the door and gone in when they had gone to sleep?

I always go to sleep thinking of them. Sometimes, I wonder if I imagined them. I was so little when I got lost and I had no idea that the desert got cold at night. Everyone always spoke about it getting hot. But that's where I got lost as a little girl: in the desert with the sun beginning to shy away from the horizon. It scorched the Earth well, the heat still alive. 

I remember being hot, after the shock, and taking off my sweater. I remember being cold and thinking my sweater wasn't enough. I remember crying behind the gas station, which is what I found after an hour walking through the desert. First, I cried out of happiness and then I cried because I was still lost.

There wasn't a number I could call. I said, my fathers gave me the gift of magic, and that was true. A house of magic does not have a phone number and I couldn't enchant the phone to call them either. Instead. at 8 years old, I hid behind the gas station and sat on the curb. I never thought a fountain could teleport me away to a place I’d never thought of. When the sun finally disappeared and the moon came up, was when the fear began to settle in again. 

I had never heard a coyote howl and it scared me. I remember moving over to sit closer to the light. No one noticed me for a long while. I think I fell asleep, tired from crying and walking. Now, I think myself lucky no one had seen me. An 8-year-old child in the middle of nowhere and I'm truly surprised no one stole me away. 

In a sense, I guess you could say he stole me. He was warm, even from afar away and he was quiet. He squatted down, cigarette in his mouth and he said something to me. Half asleep, I didn't have the energy to fight back, nor the energy to get scared again. But then, I saw his necklace and almost cried of joy. Because he wasn't just any man. He knew magic.

On his necklace, there inscribed was the rune of fire. I cried the words fire over and over again, and the man moved to hush me. I cried into his arms, coming apart from my hours of being alone.

My fathers gave me the gift of magic, love and courage. And so did he.

...

Ryuu is the name of the man with the fire rune necklace. And yes, he did steal me away that night and gave me food. My home became his bike, my bed was often me tucked against his body. Often, I was the cause of offers to sleep overnight during our deliveries. Something Ryuu told me barely happened before me. I was never cold again, but I often couldn't share the covers with him.

Change began the more time I spent away from home. My name began to fade away too, since he always called me Kaida. Slowly, we became family. I learned his quirks, his likes, and dislikes, when to stay quiet and when to scream. I learned how to steal and how to sweet-talk people. I learned magic when my fathers wouldn't teach me. Only the theory for now, they used to say, then you'll know the rest later. And the power of runes. My fathers became thoughts of the past, and now it became surviving with Ryuu.

And whenever he asked me what I was doing in the desert, I couldn't say. My mouth never moved, the words stuck in my throat. He began to stop asking, letting it go and focus more on us. The lies became easier to say and to come up with. When I was a child, I used to call Ryuu my father. When I was a teen, I used to call Ryuu my brother.

That's how it's been since I was 8, and I often think of my real fathers. Especially when Ryuu leaves me while he shops and flirts shamelessly with the cashier while I wait in the sun. I said, I used to call Ryuu my father. Now, I tell people he's an annoying dog who likes to eat my food when he thinks I'm not looking.

Tomorrow is my 18th birthday and I am doubting that this excursion he has brought me on, has any relevance to that. He is crafty and I've never seen him buy any of my presents ever. Not for Christmas or for birthdays, and if we're in Canada, then I never see the Boxing Day presents too. Instead, I think he's buying something for his potion-making friend in Oregon. On our last trip there, she had mistaken an ingredient in one of her potions and remembering the smell of her home makes me shudder.

Focusing back to Ryuu, I’m forced to give up the waiting game. As a last effort, I begin to send daggers his way with my eyes. He doesn't falter but the cashier does and manages to give a quick peek to me. She quickly looks away as it seems she’d rather pay attention to the hot guy in front of her than a sweaty teen girl.

I'm tired of the sun and I decide to walk away. There's no need to stay here anymore unless I want to resemble melted wax. I walk down the sidewalk aimlessly and without a destination. The stores have large windows, perfect for me to peer into and window shop. There are clothes in all sorts of colors, and purses on display for more money than I’ve ever had. I learned from a young age that wants and needs are very different, and the longer I look, the more the lines begin to blur. I suddenly feel like I need expensive shoes and purses, dresses that look too ridiculous on me (as Ryuu would say) and accessories too.

Window shopping remind me of how desperate I want normalcy instead of living day-to-day. “You live day-to-day for 10 years,” I think to myself as I’m eyeing a white sundress, “No need to want something else now!” And I’m certain I want nothing else. I could live the rest of my life with Ryuu, or so I used to think. Underneath, I know I am wishing for the innocent days of living with my fathers. I remind myself that Ryuu is trying for me, that he’s doing his best. But I wonder, am I wrong to want more?

I walk away from the window with a headache. Inside my jean’s pocket is a crisp ten-dollar bill. Am I wrong to want more? The same thought came to me last night as we made a delivery together. The witch grabbed my hand last minute, the bill tucked in her palm and into mine. “A present,” She winks at me, a sly smile on her face as Ryuu calls my name to leave.

The bill crunches under my hands as I grip it tight. I make it far down enough before I stop to look at another store. The dresses are beautiful and handmade, with more love and effort than I’ve ever seen. My hand goes to touch the window, eager to touch the many beads and sequins sewn on when I spot him. My eyes focus on the reflections of the window and I can see a familiar face walking on the other side of the street. All the courage I have allows me to turn, my stomach doing flips and ultimately dropping.

Suddenly I am 8 again and it is my birthday party. He hugs me and wishes me happy birthday. Together, we run across a field to play with the other kids. It was the perfect spot, so recluse and safe from non-magic people. The magic was thick and palpable that day, buzzing across the skin delightfully, from the many enchantments and spells done for the party.

He was my other half, my best friend and confidant. He looked at me like equals when I obviously was not like the other children. His wings are hidden and that doesn't stop me from being so dead certain it's him. The memory fades away and I'm here, 18 and still watching him walk. The same splash of freckles and his slanted smile are still the same. I am glued to the sidewalk as I watch him walk across the street. He is talking to a girl next to him, her pixie cut hair a light blue and she's smiling back at him. The pain hits my heart and my breath is caught in my throat. I catch a look at her, the girl next to him and I’m just as certain I know her or I used to know her, but she thought we were losers. The pain she inflicted on me long ago make me shake with both anger and fear. But he's smiling at her and I don't know why. Suddenly, I am 8 again and I’m numb all over.

They go and turn around a corner and I feel the faint pop of magic as they disappear. Their wings are probably now so large and graceful, able to make them soar far and far away. My thoughts begin to drag me down, heavy with suffocating negative. There would be no difference between back then and now. I'd still be on the ground, stuck to it with no wings of my own.

I need to sit and I faintly remember I cross a street as one point. I don't remember how I made it to a Starbucks but here I was, with a hot chocolate and a scone I think the barista gave me for free. I must've looked like a mess because she comes over later and tells me it'll be okay and to just eat. She tries to console me and I muster a, "saw someone I used to know" and she gives me a face like she understands how I feel.

After sitting for an hour, the scone is already gone and only a third of hot chocolate, which has long since gone cold, remains. The barista isn't at the counter anymore and I'm certain she's clocked out and gone home. It’s a dizzying reminder that I am here alone and lost. I don't know where Ryuu is, and that thought barely sobers me up from the mood I’m in. It's the early evening and everyone around me is on their computers or phones, ignoring the rest of the world. The sight is alienating and finally gives me the courage to get out of here.

When I step outside, I tell myself not to look up into the sky. Maybe I won't see the familiar view of my fathers' house hiding in the clouds by magic. I make it 30 seconds down the sidewalk when I look up.

The disappointment hurts me more than it should.

Author's Note

Please, ignore any grammar problems.
What do you think about the pacing? Or the little dialogue so far presented?
What do you think about the first-person POV?