Ch. 1 Act 1 - Grave News

Everis learns of a potential threat to the duchy. He decides to leave immediately to investigate.

Everis shifted his weight for what must have been the hundredth time. The throne had been carved from a single block of shimmering whitestone, seated by an untold number of barons spanning the history of Alemir. The young lord marveled at their fortitude. Here he was, in his third hour on the bloody thing and his aching bones were in full revolt.

“Master Crastinus, the next claimant if you please.” Everis raised an eyebrow at the thin Master of Ceremonies, doing his best impersonation of the look his father always gave when he wanted someone to pick up the pace. Crastinus bowed and turned to the mass of Vetrian citizens gathered within the great hall. There were swathes of them, extending from the base of the raised dais to the double doors at the opposite end of the room, even spilling out into the antechamber. For all Everis knew, they flowed all the way out into the maze of corridors that ran throughout the barony’s stone citadel.

It was the Day of Azjran’s Peace, a yearly day of respite for the people of Vetria. It was a chance to reflect on the bounties of the year and to give thanks to Azjran for peace with Dela’Moria, a peace that - most recently - had endured for almost fifteen full years. Smiths, cartwrights, and scullion boys alike would leave their duties unattended, instead spending the day with their families. Of course, for the multitude gathered in the citadel, it was a chance to lay their grievances at the feet of their lord. Everis had stood by every year since the last Daríni uprising as his father had endured hours of countless complaints about everything from petty theft to claims of the unlawful deflowering of young maidens. The baron had always treated every one with equal gravity, carefully weighing each claimant’s assertions before passing judgment.

Of course, this year his father had elected to visit Bas’Leidra, the Dela’Morian capitol, where he sued for a more permanent solution to peace with the Daríni. It was a most convenient coincidence that the man had just happened to choose this day to be absent. Everis fought off a grin at the thought of his triumphant father, having a laugh with Duke Tidus of Lathia as they quipped about Everis floundering on the throne. Nevertheless, it was a serious responsibility, and the Squire intended to see it through.

After a quick consult with an elderly man at the front of the line, Crastinus scribbled something in a large tome atop his podium. With a sweeping motion, the Master of Ceremonies ushered the man forward, turning his gaze to the throne. “My lord, may I present Gedwin, esteemed goat herder from the Tarmolian Plains.”

The elderly man stepped forward, his gray beard long and scraggly, his frame wiry enough to be considered gaunt. His expression was grave as he carefully climbed the first few steps of the dais before taking to his knees.

“Lord Squire.” The old man bowed his head in reverence, unspeaking as he waited for his lord’s permission.

“Speak.” Everis had to fight to keep from rolling his eyes. The formality of the thing made the whole affair seem to move like molasses through a congested cistern. He was quite certain that he could have been done by midmeal if not for the stately pace.

“My Lord, I come up from Tarmol. It’s just north of Mal’Drasta, you see.” The man looked up, as if gauging the Squire’s interest. Everis nodded. He was familiar with the town, as he was with all of the cities within his father’s barony.

“Right, well as you know sir, we share borders with the blackness.”

The Darím, as it was more properly referred to, was a vast cloud of inky black night that stretched across all of Mal’Drasta and even up into southern Vetria in some places. It had stood for centuries, if not longer, though little was known about the strange phenomenon.

The man wheezed violently for a moment before continuing. “I’d say it was, oh maybe a fortnight passed since that beast come up and made off with one of my milkin’ goats. Can’t say what it was, rightly, but as sure as I’m standin’ here the bloody thing come right out of the blackness and snatched her up. Went right back in and that’s the last I seen of it. It’s got some of us village folk feelin’ a bit uneasy, to be frank about it, milord.”

For the first time that day, the young Squire’s interest was piqued. “Go on… Gedwin, was it?”

The old man nodded, seeming to puff up a bit at his lord’s acknowledgement. “It was some sort of beast, milord. Like a wolf, only with no fur, and its muscles was showin’ through its skin. The thing was big as a pony, sure as I’m standin’ here. ‘Twas a sickly sight, to tell it true, milord. In all my years, I can’t say as I’ve ever heard a tale of such a thing as that. I thought you oughtta’ know, so I come up right away. Me lads is lookin’ after the herd, but I dare say I’ll be glad to be getting’ home to ‘em.” The old man grinned at that, what few teeth he had left blackened with rot.

Everis mulled it over. If what the man said was true, then it was surely his duty as acting baron to investigate. Still, the tale seemed farfetched at best. In all his history lessons over the years, never once had there been any mention of anything coming out of the Darím. Men dared not enter, and it seemed that the sanctity of that boundary had always been observed by whatever lurked within, as well.

“Gedwin, you are a true servant of your country. You have the gratitude of the court for your noble recounting of such a troubling event. I trust you will stay with us for the night before returning to your family.” At that, the goat herder visibly beamed.

“You’re far too kind, milord.” The old man stood, and Everis nodded at Crastinus who promptly clapped for a page to take the man to one of the many rooms in the citadel’s guest wing.

The Master of Ceremonies turned to the next Vetrian in line and the process began anew.

As the next wave of commoners progressed, the Squire heard each greivance in turn, though his mind never wandered far from the old man’s tale. The more he pondered on the matter, the more troubled he became. What if the creature from the goat herder’s account was only the beginning? Azjran only knew what vile surprises may lie in wait within the blackness.

As daylight turned to dusk, the windows were no longer sufficient to light the great Hall. Pages came with flint and steel, lighting the big iron sconces that lined the walls, and the procession continued well into the night.

Just when Everis was feeling certain that his legs would never forgive him for sitting the throne all day, he found himself faced with the final claimant, a small girthy man from Alemir.

“… And so I found the cupboard empty, my Lord. I got a good look at him, but the watchman who came to the shoppe says there’s nothin’ to be done. Please, my Lord, it’s everything I’ve got.” The man’s tale was aggravating. The city watch was in place for just such a matter as this, and they had dismally failed this poor man. The idiots should have at least taken down a description of the thief.

“Crastinus, get Raylen Graves on this at once. I will require a full account of his actions to rectify this man’s predicament. If the thief is not apprehended within the week, he is to inform me, personally.” Crastinus bowed in acknowledgement.

Everis was certain that Raylen, the Captain of the City Watch, would settle the matter with little trouble. Still, he suspected that the victim’s family would take greater solace in knowing that the Squire would be personally involved.

The man stood, his gait more erect than before, clearly infused with a greater resolve. “My Lord. I thank you. I will not soon forget this.” The man bowed, and Everis nodded, granting his leave with an upturned palm.

After the man was gone, Everis stretched mightily. At last, it was over. He stood slowly, twisting his back to the left and right and taking a few deep breaths as he limbered up. The Squire paused a moment, thinking again of the story of strange creatures venturing forth from the Darím.

“Crastinus, one last thing.” The Master of Ceremonies raised his head expectantly. “Have my horse saddled, and bring me the Master Logistican. I leave for Tarmol, tonight. Oh, and send a fast rider for Verilimar. Let the duke know I’ll be stopping off at the palace, on the way.”

Crastinus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “My Lord, isn’t that a bit hasty? You must be exhausted.”

Everis just sighed. “You’re quite right, old friend. Nevertheless, if the goat herder’s tale is true, I shan’t wait to hear of it from the family of the first Tarmolian victim slain by the next demon wolf to wander out in the open. Besides, the ground is little less a comfort than that lumpy sack the Steward calls a ‘bed fit for King Aelrod himself.’” Everis imitated the Steward’s lofty tone with added dramatization, his quip illiciting a light chuckle from the Master of Ceremonies. For Crastinus, that might as well have been a hearty bellow.

With a nod for the Master of Ceremonies, Everis took the small flight of stairs from the dais two at a time, and made his way out into the citadel’s maze of corridors. He walked past the Offices of the Legion and crossed the windowed hallway that led to the live-in quarters. At the fourth room on his left he stopped and lightly rapped on the door.

There was a pause before a soft voice said, “Who calls?”

Everis smiled. “It’s me.”

“Everis!” The door swung open to reveal a petite beauty, golden locks framing a soft face with deep brown irises and full lips. Her smile was just what he needed after a full day of playing baron.

“Ariela.” He smiled again, stepping into the young woman’s bedchambers as he swept her up in his arms, kicking the door closed behind him. He reveled in her softness, clutching her to him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Ariela pulled her head away from his chest and said, “I waited up for you, my love.” She appraised his features as though she hadn’t seen him in a month.

“I can see that.” The Squire chuckled. Her adoration had taken some getting used to, but he was anything if not equally infatuated with his bride-to-be.

Ariela’s eyes gleamed with a sudden thought. “I received word from Grandpapa while you were locked up in that dreadful assembly. He’s to arrive early with a full honor guard. He says our wedding is to rival the King’s!” Her excitement was infectuous, and Everis couldn’t help but join in the merriment, spinning her about before gently laying her down on the room’s massive canopy bed.

He leaned over his betrothed, his crystal blue eyes locking with hers. She giggled as his long black hair brushed across the tip of her nose. Her skin smelled of rosewater, as it always did, her lips parting slightly in anticipation.

Just as he was about to lean in for a kiss, Ariela covered his mouth with the pointer finger of one hand.

“We mustn’t. Tilly’s sleeping in the next room.” The bedroom shared a door with the one next to it, designed to give a noblewoman easy access to her lady-in-waiting.

Tilly had been with Ariela since the Squire’s mother had passed, and she had made it quite clear from the start that she was not to be trifled with. The thought of the woman’s peculiarly masculine hands wringing his neck painted a sobering image in the young lord’s mind. Besides, he was supposed to be in a hurry.

“Ariela, I’m afraid I’ve received some troubling news.” Everis sighed as he pushed himself up, turning to sit atop the big feather down mattress. “Of today’s many tales - some more troubling than others - there was one in particular that held my interest.” The Squire went on to recount the story of Gedwin the goat herder and his encounter with the strange Darím creature.

“You can’t be serious, love. Monsters in Tarmol? It sounds a bit… unbelievable.” Ariela’s expression reminded the young lord of his late mother. It was the same questioning look she would give him after he had said something ludicrous. “The man was likely mad.” She leaned in close as she said, “No less mad than you are for thinking of leaving without a night’s rest.” The corner of her mouth turned down in a look of disapproval.

Ariela had no doubt picked up some of his mother’s tendencies during her time as handmaiden to the baroness. It always struck Everis as odd to think of Duke Havastis sending his granddaughter back to Alemir in the wake of his mother’s death, now some three years past. He had surely intended her to be wed to Erlich - Everis’ father. When the baron had proven disinterested, Everis had gradually allowed himself to fall for the girl, and in time the Duke had approved, even warmed to the idea.

“Ariela, I know it seems sudden, but it is my duty to investigate. If I don’t leave at once, I risk absenting my own wedding. It’s a quick ride to Verilimar, and from there I aim to seek the aid of your grandfather. That should speed things up a bit, wouldn’t you say?” Everis smiled his most charming smile, though Ariela’s expression remained smug, at best.

“Fine. But if you’re stopping off at Verilimar, then I’m going with you. I’ve not been home in months, and it will be good to see Grandpapa before the wedding.” She arched an eyebrow, daring him to disagree.

Everis almost argued, but thought better of it. Her stony glare left little room for negotiation. Instead he just grinned and shrugged. “Fair enough, my love. I’ll need to gather my things and meet with the Master Logistican before we depart. Shall I send for a page to help you pack?”

“Yes love, and do hurry. I’d like to sleep sometime before sunset, if it’s all the same to you.” Ariela smirked sarcastically, giving his shoulder a playful shove. “Off with you, then."

Everis nodded and stood, heading for the door.

Author's Note

I know it starts off kind of slow, but do you feel like you're starting to get to know Everis?

Reviews

[Patrick Jinks]

Oh wow, as an absolute lover of authentic fantasy maps, this one takes the cake. Beautiful scripting, great names and a wonderful staining affect you have achieved!
Although the map is of help, I find that so many names are long and often separated with a ' that is is quite confusing and sometimes hard to follow, but that might just be me, and you are of course entitled whatever names you choose.
Apart from that small comment it was incredibly readable and managed to hold my attention through the whole passage (longer chapters usually have a habit of losing me. It was nice and concise but with adequate detailing.

[Tsukin Archangel]

WOOT FINALLY GOT AROUND TO READING CHAP 1!!! PT 1 (oh shiz nits lol YOU HAVE THE SAME CHAPTER FORMAT AS MY "high fantasy" story too... IRONY lol Except I say Pt 1 instead of Act 1)

I don't think it felt slow at all. And I think I quite like Everis. Which is worrisome. I can't like characters.

They always die.

And lol I was confused there for a moment. I was like "Ariela's not his sister is she???" Cause they just kept mentioning the Grandpa and his late mother and I was like :x Awkward. Glad that got cleared up lol. Anyway I quite liked this intro, i felt it was paced nicely and the only thing I'm worried about is keeping up with all the names. Now I know how people feel when reading my Betrothed story LOL. And yours is seemingly less complicated than mine in terms of the world. Perhaps a pronounciaiton guide would be a good addition to this. I know I tend to retain names better when I actually know how they're meant to be said.

I feel like you should maybe put a little more into what Everis looks like. The only thing I got was that he has straight black hair and I'm assuming he's somewhere in his early twenties or late teens. Now I'm not sure if I just missed all that other information somewhere but yeah. Unless you have that in the next chapter.

I think I'll like Ariela. She sounds a bit like me lol. And if she's competent in battle I'll like her even more.

All in all I'm really liking the feel of this. I'm always partial to good high fantasy epics and this looks like it'll have the makings of a good one!
Hope this was somewhat helpful to you in some way :3
GOOD JOB!

[Arutha]

Tsukin, thanks so much for reading! Sorry I haven't been around. I'm sick as a dog, right now (I've had a 100-102 fever for almost 24 full hours ;-/)

You're totally right about me needing to describe Everis more. That's on my to-do list, but I just haven't got around to it, yet. Lol, that's funny that you thought Ariela was his sister... makes me think of that scene from Joe Dirt.

Anyhoo, when I'm up for some serious reading/reviewing again, I'm definitely gonna' see what you came up with for that second chapter.

[Tsukin Archangel]

Lol well with any luck I'll be done with the prologue for it by then so there'll be that LOL. AND LE GASP!!! *pats* GET WELL SOON MY FRIEND!!! I havent been SICK in well... years actually. I tend to be the last on to get sick in my family once it mutates and flits to everyone else. LOL i get to be on nurse duty and then I get like a sore throat and maybe some chills but nothing to really fuss over lol.

But okay that's good! i DIDNT' just go through a total brain fart and somehow glance over those bits lol.

Well it wouldn't be as bad as the Magarery ---> Renly

[Shaquana Adams]

I. Like. This. Story. You'll have to excuse this review because I haven't reviewed anything but poetry for months. To comment on your note, it did start off slow, but it was worth the wait. I am hooked now. I want to read the next chapter. The story starts out simple because the problem seems simple. The cloud eating monster could be anything, which is what hooked me. I am starting to know Everis, but only a bit about him. Since I am unfamiliar with stories like this I feel like I have to assume he is acting normal for his title because no has has said something like "Don't investigate my Lord, we have *insert subordinate title here* to do that." I like the fact that he has a love interest. The love story so far is not cliche. You have NO IDEA how much I hate cliches in any love story. I really appreciate not running into one yet. All in all, I'd say keep writing. I am hooked. I want to know of this cloud demon thing. I want to know more of, Ariela and I want Tilly more in the story too (I don't know why but she just seems interesting lol).

[Arutha]

Wow, thank you so much! I'll definitely be checking your stuff out when I'm not so darn sick, lol. Hopefully that will be like ASAP, 'cause I've had more than enough of this.

[raerae]

It may seem a little slow but any faster and I think it would seem a little rushed to be honest and I like Everis' character, realistic, nothing impossible about it like he was bored, it made his character more open to the reader if you get what I mean...
Great really good start...