Satan's Idle Stories 12. Thousand and One Gold Coins

12. Thousand and One Gold Coins

You can buy the book "Satan's Idle Stories" from Lulu, Amazon, etc.

 

Under the hospitable crown of a pear tree, at sunset, I once sat with my colleagues in the heavenly service - the chief of Paradise, angel Michael, and the ruler of Hell, angel Nasargiel. We were resting from the tedious business of everyday life and had an unpretentious conversation. Having exhausted everyday topics, we were silent and began to admire the beauty of the sunset. A hard day’s night.

 

Suddenly, the voice of the duty angel broke into the serene silence: "Accept the new additions, honorable principals!" This call was undoubtedly to Michael and Nasargiel, not to me, so I remained calm while my colleagues became visibly agitated.

 

The angel on duty was referring to the newly deceased. It would seem that this event is absolutely ordinary, for all two-legged sooner or later die and go to us, and then the Supreme Court gives work to either Michael or Nasargiel. Why were my coworkers disturbed?

 

Michael and Nasargiel explained to me what the extraordinary nature of the situation was. The fact is that lately there has been an increase in the flow of arrivals from a certain town. And the unusualness is not in the quantity, for outbursts of this kind do not impress the Heavens, but in the quality of the dead. The higher spheres are besieged not by the souls of the dead, but by truths. Yes, yes, it is the dead truths who were supposedly born on earth, lived a short life, died, and ascended to Heaven. 

 

My colleagues asked me to go down to the people, to visit the town, to make sense of the chaos there, and to find out the cause of the disturbance. Michael and Nasargiel need to know the real reason, not the imaginary one, for angels do not believe in tales or miracles. It did not take me long to persuade myself. I am delighted to receive such requests from colleagues or commands from God. I always carry out my mission to the fullest, for I see it as my duty. The reward for doing my duty is the opportunity to continue to fulfill new duties. It is also flattering for me to recognize myself as an expert on earthly matters.

 

Before I begin to describe another visit to earth, I will make a few preliminary remarks. A thorough preparation is necessary for the successful accomplishment of a mission. The forthcoming visit to the two-legged is no exception.

 

First of all, I have noticed the unusual nature of the new dead. So, the dead are the dead truths. According to my friends Michael and Nasargiel, the newly dead die very young. I began to think how to connect these facts. A saying attributed to one of the ancient sages came to my mind: truth is born in argument. Though this wise man was a pagan, he earned the glory of genius. He himself did not recognize his authorship of this maxim and rejected it on the grounds that the argument is vanity, and therefore no truth he will not give birth, but the dialog - quite another matter. The fact of denial of authorship speaks in favor of the mind of this ancient sage.

 

Combining the realities at my disposal, I suggested that the truths that die young and annoy Heaven are the product of empty arguments. Perhaps there is a professional controversialist in town, who tirelessly invents worthless truths and profits from simpletons. That was my working theory. Armed with the theory, I came down to Earth, found the town I was looking for, and began my mission.

 

***

 

It's a small, backwater town, far from the big cities and highways. Such places are often called forgotten by God, but this opinion is grossly mistaken. God does not forget his servants, neither metropolitan nor provincial, for the distances from any point of the Earth to the throne of the Most High are practically the same. However, underdevelopment and stupidity in the wilderness is common even among the wealthy people of those places.

 

The provincials are gullible, praying fervently during the day and snoring loudly at night. I wondered how the charlatan disputant would feel among the limited and trusting people. I wanted to enlighten the dark heads, to break the common people out of the idiocy of village life.

 

I will never deny my readers the pleasure of being convinced for the thousandth time of the acuteness and perspicacity of my mind. The a priori working theory, which I had invented in the sky, coincided marvelously with the earthly reality.

 

Not so long ago a certain capital adventurer with a suitable name Yariv appeared in the province. A merry joker and a keen disputant, he paved the paths to the hearts of the local rich men, challenging them to a dispute, and earned a good deal of money at it. To be honest, I was not angry at the successful mystifier, because I appreciate all kinds of ingenuity.

 

I believe that duty is love. Namely, love of what one orders oneself to do. The fulfillment of Heaven's duty required me to stop the onerous onerous on Michael and Nasargiel unparalleled flow of the deceased, which are the dead truths. For this purpose, I had first of all to get to know Yariv.

 

***

 

 - Greetings, cunning Yariv! - I exclaimed.

 

 - Hello, my dear! I am pleased with the complimentary speech of a stranger! - Yariv replied cheerfully. 

 

 - Meet me: I am Satan!

 

 - Oh, I am happy to speak to the messenger of Heaven! What brings you to me, great Satan?

 

 - I have heard about your victories in disputes and I want to hear the first-hand accounts of them," I said, wanting to flatter Yariv without revealing my intentions.

 

 - Gladly, Satan! You are a clever angel and you will appreciate my talent. My head works well and I am enriched.

 

 - So let's get started, Yariv!

 

 - Here's the first example of my ingenuity," Yariv began, "I was sitting in a tavern having a snack, and a man came to me, looking very upset. A servant brought him herring and onions, bread, and vodka. "The man wants to forget himself, it is evident that bad luck has befallen him," I thought, "he probably needs to talk it out!"

 

 - He told me," continued Yariv, "that he had thought of buying a house for his daughter, who is an old maid. If she had a big house of her own, there would be suitors. He looked for a suitable house. But the seller asked exorbitantly. "Reasonable arguments he does not understand, a fool, - scolded the seller my interlocutor, - does not understand that if he does not set the price of the market - he will never sell his goods!" The parent of the overripe maiden did not make the purchase and was greatly upset by it.

 

 - Here I began to console the herring lover," said Yariv, "I told him that this time you were unlucky - the seller was foolish, but by and large a fool is useful to a clever man in business! He laughs at me, saying that a fool can't be useful. Then I offered to bet - why not to compete with a man if he has money? 

 

 - The two of us went to the wise man to settle the dispute. Since I did not agree to the invitations of the unlucky buyer to join him in the meal and did not drink vodka, my head was clear. I took the initiative and briefly told the sage the essence of the case. He listened, stroked his white beard, made a prayer, and said: "When the wise Ecclesiastes said, 'There is no new thing under the sun,' he did not mean foolishness. For foolishness always shines with novelty. And also take into account, my children, that every clever thought at first seems foolish, and only in time it will be evaluated differently. Therefore it cannot be said that a fool is not useful!"

 

 - I won the argument," summarized Yariv, "and while my partner was counting out the money he had lost, I said to him, 'Our argument gave birth to the truth. Here it is: stupidity is the engine of progress!" The loser's tipsy head could not comprehend the wisdom of my discovery. He hopelessly waved his hand and left without saying goodbye. What do you say to that, Satan?

 

 - Excellent, Yariv! You have clearly shown how a fool can be useful to a clever man. Of the truth your argument has produced, I am less certain. Move on to the next example.

 

 - So, I continue," said Yariv, "one day a handsome man in the prime of life came to me and said that he had heard of my ingenuity and wished to consult me. He was willing to be contained in a bet with me and would gladly lose if it would help him out of the unpleasant situation in which he found himself. It turned out that this handsome man is a skirt-chaser, and his latest affair became known to his wife, and now, bitterly offended woman demands a divorce. For the sake of preserving his property, the lovelace wants to keep the family, and what should he do? 

 

 - The situation is trivial," Yariv continued, "but to make it more important, I thought deeply. Then I told my new acquaintance that his situation was not as bad as he imagined, and that his wife should plead the case before the court. "Mind you," I told him, "adultery strengthens a marriage!" Unable to think paradoxically, the womanizer strongly disagreed with my judgment, and he himself proposed a bet - in his opinion, the opposite was the case.

 

 - We made a bet," said Yariv, "and went to the judge, an expert in divorce cases, and let him decide. The judge received us perfectly, listened to us, and, laughing, gave my acquaintance a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Come with your wife, my friend," announced the judge, "I'll tell you what trouble a divorce will cause. I'm sure the woman will change her mind. And you, my dear fellow, must act more prudently from now on!"

 

 - The judge turned out to be absolutely right, and the wife of the womanizer changed her mind about the divorce. Her husband, though he lost the dispute, was satisfied. In accepting the rightful fee, I spoke the truth born of the dispute: "Treason is a guarantee of fidelity!"

 

 - Brilliant, Yariv! Have you no other example of the same kind?

 

 - As many as you like, Satan! - Yariv exclaimed, "Listen to this. I once teased a wealthy man. I told him that the loser of a bet wins. My casual acquaintance, of course, is angry, does not agree. As usual, we made a bet. We went to the head of the community. He explained to my companion: "The winner of the bet pays a tax to the community treasury. If a wealthy man often loses disputes, then, it turns out, the community treasury is full from his purse. And our town council respects such good men and pays them back a hundredfold!"

 

 - Satisfied with his loss, the millionaire paid me as was agreed between us, and I congratulated him on the newborn truth: "A dispute is a source of enrichment!"

 

 - Your last statement is true only for one of the sides, and is too trivial to claim to be truth," I said to Yariv, "now heed my words! "It is not you, but God who utters eternal truths. Your foolishnesses do not live long and die as soon as they are born. These dead burden the best angels of Heaven with unnecessary work!"

 

Disappointed at the end of the conversation, Yariv sadly lowered his head, but this time he did not argue, for he realized that Satan himself was in front of him.

 

Parting, I asked him how much he charged his simple-minded partners. A thousand and one gold coins," muttered Yariv, "one for an argument, and a thousand for the truth born in it!"