Satan's Idle Stories, 05. Glasses for Stupidity

05. Glasses for Stupidity

 

It was at the zenith of the day of hard heavenly labors, when I was educating young angels, bringing them up in the satanic spirit, teaching them to sow the eternal, to grow the good, to reap the reasonable. We were all tired by the end of the difficult lesson - both the tutor and the students. We are sitting on clouds, resting.

 

My young white-winged disciples wanted to listen to an entertaining story. They impatiently pulled my wings: "Tell us a story, Satan, make us happy with something funny, we are tired of serious things! I have all kinds of stories, parables, fairy tales in my head. So I thought I'd tell young people something about stupidity. I won't offend anyone - a fool doesn't suspect his foolishness! Being a fool is not shameful, it's a everyday matter. I did not make myself persuaded, and opened my mouth.

 

I knew two friends. They were not of our kind, not angels, but men. One was called Nadav, the other Abir. They studied together as children, sat on the same bench, and looked at the same book. Nadav studied better than Abir. The first read willingly and then added something of his own. And the second poorly understood what was written in the book and forgot it quickly. 

 

Nadav came from a poor family and was orphaned early - his father died. It was not easy for the widow to raise her son. Moreover, the boy was known as an oddball, impractical, not of this world. His health was weak, and his eyes were bad. By austerity his mother saved money and bought glasses for the boy - let him read, if he had no other pleasures.

 

Abir's father was a merchant. He traveled to different countries, bought in one country and sold in another, and had a glorious profit. The parent wanted to accustom his offspring to the fruitful profession of a merchant. He told his son: "You'll be rich, and you'll see the world." Abir, however, did not want to work, did not like to learn, but to see the world - this idea he liked. Besides, in those years it was fashionable to travel to cities and towns and then to boast to each other. "Where have you been?" - one would ask. "Here and there!" - the other will answer proudly. "Eh, friend, that's a bit weak! I've been in those places a long time ago, and I've also poked my nose into other places!" - the first one will exclaim.

 

***

 

The paths of young Nadav and Abir were different. Years passed and the former classmates met by chance. Not without difficulty they recognized each other, embraced, kissed each other and said in one voice: "Yes, time does not make a man beautiful!"

 

They directed their footsteps to a nearby forest, sat down under a tree and prepared to start a long conversation. Abir had glasses on the nose, though he had never complained about his eyes before.

 

 - Years add something and take something away," Nadav said vaguely.

 

 - Our nature does not change. As you were, so you remain, and I will say the same of myself," Abir added.

 

 - A friend is loved as he is," said Nadav.

 

 - I have traveled a lot, I have been to different places, - Abir get on his favorite hobbyhorse, - and what countries have you seen?

 

 - Oh, I am fond of geography and I love exotics! - Nadav exclaimed in a bookish way, "I'll tell you about the country of the black-haired Indians, the Aztecs they call themselves. The men are naked to the waist during the day. Their bodies are light brown and painted with colored patterns. They are not tall, but they are all muscular. Their oiled hair glistens in the sun. In the evening they dress up in white clothes, put on their heads hats with the widest brim, and sit around the fires. A drumbeat is heard, and the assembled Indians begin a monotonous chant. In hymns they praise their gods, for the Indians are pagans. There is no way to pronounce the names of their deities - you would break your tongue.

 

 - And the women are dressed modestly," Nadav continued, "wrapped in colorful cloths from top to bottom. They have all the housework to do, they are tired during the day, and they do not gather around fires in the evening, they do not listen to drumming, and they do not sing hymns. They sit on the shore of the lake, look at the dark water and bright stars and wait patiently for the husbands to return to the huts.

 

 - The capital of the Aztec country is huge, - Nadav continued his story, - there are special places where white-skinned savages gather. They sit down row by row, drink, eat and shout loudly. They come to see how a few brave men on horseback and on foot drive the bulls into the arena and anger the huge horned beasts by waving the red cloaks. When the bull is furious enough to attack the daredevils, they slaughter the bull. The white-skinned savages rejoice. It happens, however, that some daredevil misses and ends up on the horns. Then the bull celebrates the victory, but its joy is short.

 

 - Enough, Nadav," Abir interrupted his friend, "I too have been to Mexico. The air there is pure, but it is hard to breathe in the mountainous country. This country does not like aliens, and Indian girls are not nice to them. The drink there is called tequila. It's intoxicating beyond belief. Maybe that's why I don't remember much of it. What other places struck you?

 

 - I know another pagan country," Nadav said eagerly, "where it is always warm, where it rains when the fields need water, and where the sky is clear when it is time to reap the fruits. The people's skin is dark, but not black. They have many languages, like the builders of the Tower of Babel, but they understand each other.

 

 - The Brahmans, men of noble blood, are literate," said Nadav, "they study, pray and do not work. Men of low rank work in the fields or collect alms. Their wives and daughters walk around with the breasts bared - it's unbearable! There are many hermits. They roam the forests, starve themselves, rarely wash, sleep on the bare ground and serve their gods. Speaking of forests, they're called jungles there. Thousands of different creatures live in the green thicket. The biggest animal is the elephant. Have you ever heard of such a beast?

 

 - The temples in honor of the gods are very beautifully built, and there are many of them in every village. Every street has a house of worship. The inhabitants are devout, but their faith is strange, and the walls of the shrines are decorated with obscene images. In general, I tell you, the people in those parts know a great deal about lust.

 

 - Stop talking about India," exclaimed Abir, "I have been there, nothing remarkable. It's dirty, the food is spicy - you can burn your mouth. And elephants don't surprise me. An elephant can't replace a donkey. Maybe you know something else?

 

 - Of course I know, my friend! - Nadav said, "Listen to the story of the cold country. It's all white with eternal snow. If a ship goes too far north, the ice will crush it. There are no horses, no carriages, no stagecoaches. The northerners ride in sleds pulled by dogs. People there eat only sea fish...

 

 - Stop, stop, dear! - interrupted Abir, - I'm not interested in it, because I've never been there. I don't want to know anything about the north!

 

***

 

Here I looked at my angels. They were listening to me with their mouths open. I continued the story.

 

It turned out that Nadav, being poor, had never traveled, but had learned about distant lands from books. He confessed this to Abir. He added with a sigh that his wife reproached him, saying that he would stick his nose into a thick volume and not know what was going on around him. The family is in poverty, and all he wants to do is to read books. "You have no brains in your head," she says, "you only know how to shooting the breeze! - in an empty barrel is a lot of noise!" However, she herself likes to listen to her husband's stories. She wipes his glasses - he can see good through them, and they save him from utter stupidity. 

 

Abir sympathized with Nadav, and began to complain to the friend. His spouse thinks he is a complete fool. Abir has traveled all the countries, squandered half of his father's inheritance, but he cannot tell what he has seen. He can only brag to his friends that he's seen the whole world. "I've seen a lot, but understood little. If the journey does not change a person - he is a bad traveler!" - Abir self-critically remarked.

 

Nadav volunteered to help Abir.

 

 - My glasses are wonderful," Nadav consoled his companion, "take them from me, put them on and read a book about distant lands, and beautiful speech will flow out of your mouth.

 

 - Thank you, Nadav, you are a true friend," Abir was touched, "but it won't do any good - I hate reading books!

 

 - Well, if you won't accept my help," said Nadav, "then help me yourself. Let me put on your glasses. My glasses are only good for reading, and I can't see anything in the distance. My wife says I am blind three steps away from myself. I'll take your glasses and I'll see what's going on around me. Then I will tell my spouse what I have seen, and she will praise me: "You have wised up at last!"

 

 - Eh, Nadav," Abir pronounced bitterly, "my eyepieces are wonderful too. All I hear from my wife is that my face is completely senseless, and if I put on glasses, I will seem smarter. So I bought useless glasses - do not increase and do not reduce, do not zoom in and out. They won't help you!

 

And so the two friends remained fools in the eyes of men.

 

The disciples thanked me heartily for the story. "We've had a rest, though. It's time to study!" - I said sternly to the disciples.