Lonely Washing Lines

A restoration with a slight edit and from an early morning walk.

mist descends and lightens the frozen ground,
painting the ends of grass blades with a light dew.
as it drips from lonely washing lines,
dragging the seemingly invisible webs of spiders into sight,
it leaves glistening water pools with
reflections of the tree above.
It exposes your garden, naked,
uncovering parts only shown once a year,
and catching your pupils with features you've never noticed before;

i wish to be blown away with the clutter
to be gathered
clustered
soaking wet
in the gutter 
so when the weather settles again
will my heart
as we will try to realign, redefine
and go back
to the start

 

Reviews

[Ebby]

Hello Poppet. I've been away for the weekend, hence the late review, sorry. I had a crap time, if that's any consolation. :)
This is so very different to your more recent work. Hang on, I'm going to read it again. brb.

and i wish to be blown away with the clutter
to be gathered
clustered
soaking wet
in the gutter
and when the weather settles again
so will my heart
as we will realign redefine
and go back
to the start

I love this, it's brilliant, and so very visual, like Maria said, cinematic.
But....when your heart does settle, is this good or bad? I can never tell, never be certain.
And...ignore L.P, he is too, a brilliant poet.

:)

[L.P. Hawkins]

I enjoy your descripiveness in your poems, and how you choose to describe the events. I've never been very good at writing poetry and am in awe at how easily you create it, especially the structure of it all, which affects the flow and the mood. There are a few times where the tenses switch but am not sure if it's incorrect or just right. You may wish to place some punctuations and a changed word or two here and there. For example:

"mist descends and lightens the frozen ground,
painting the ends of grassblades with a light dew.
as it drips from lonely washing lines,
dragging the seemingly invisible webs of spiders into sight,
it leaves glistening water pools with
reflections of the tree above.
It exposes your garden, naked,
uncovering parts only shown once a year,
and catching your pupils with features you've never noticed before;
i wish to be blown away with the clutter"

The things I added and switched about don't really matter that much, however--this is a very good poem.

[Maria G.]

I like the journey's you take me on, you pay attention to so much detail in a simple walk that others would not see. I enjoyed the last few lines it kind of reminded me of a scene from the film 'American beauty' you know where the young guy films a plastic bag blowing in the the wind.
Good work.