astrollthroughtown

church bells quiz ends
did not indicate
subtle river snores
white walls fade yellow
old thoughts sit together
stray guards hold entrance
vague male slides left
money drifts by loud & brash
this tongue stays cold
summer breeze chills gently
a warm glow would settle
(a thousand bright sparkles collide)

(_astrollthroughatowncentreasduskturnstonight_)

Reviews

[C.B.]

It's so piecy and like a step-by-step account. Like, with every line the stroll becomes a little farther through the town, a very great style! I especially liked the last line, with the words all meshed together, it makes it seem incredibly condensed. Like All the words you had just written into the poem was really just this one thing.

Great job, very good write!

[R J Askew]

Some great linguistic goings on here. Contrast between bells and snores...puts me in mind of Under Milk Wood also. And the yellow and white are the colour of Old Papal Ireland. But I love the notion of the old thoughts hanging out together. And there seems a contast between the vague male and the brash yuppies or whoever they are, he-hawing away perhaps. The three last lines are like the sediment of the poem settling somehow. Gentle and settle seem calming...and I imagine the sparkles colliding into a sort of sign off flourish.

[Gary H]

I enjoyed the airiness of this. I know somewhere that fits the description of the images that's near here. I'm thinking about walking at 7.30pm through the town now settling down after the hustle and bustle of the day, I'm probably the 'vague male that slides left'.

Good work Dan.

[Maria G.]

Very contempory loved this stroll through your town, along with all the sensations of summer, i have similar walks and thoughts, thanks for allowing me to witness your's.

[L.P. Hawkins]

Images of a*s trolls aside(j/k), nice usage of the senses in telling of your surroundings. I'm taking the side of the non-metaphor understanding that you wished to capture the moment as you saw/felt/hear it. I didn't quite get "a warm glow would settle" but, then again, I can be horrid at understanding poetry--even my own.

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Actually i thought this was from Ebby. First off i misread the title..i thought it was As Troll through town... or is that a*s troll? lol. I was thinking high fantasy... I'm feeling a little confused. Its an interesting submersion poem. Maybe stray guards hold entrance needs revising.. Stray guards hold the entrance...? maybe A before Vague. Money drifst by loud - do you mean loud clothing..garish Chav like clothes? Interesting poem. I needed to think alot to understand it. Which means either your piece is dense with meaning or i am dense with stupidity.As a description of what's going on around us it was original. Usually we get a lot of metaphors, long and quiet descriptions with John Woo slow mo beauty. But this was very brief.