I Watch You As He Loves You

I'm trying to emulate situations that don't directly relate to me as my early writing, this is another people watching piece :)

He watches you as I love you

And even though your glance stays firm

Awareness twitches in your face

 

I kiss you when I leave you

I touch the soft skin and raptures of warmth

Flow through my body

 

If I turn, I’ll never go home

But the door slam and the security chain

Pushes my body in one direction

 

A rage grows when I listen

To the phone calls you have to make

But your honesty doesn’t move me

 

I know you’re a born deceiver

And a thief of entangled moments

You keep them in the draw, by the window

 

I could break out but I’d stumble

Into the flowerbed of trickery

And once again, end up with mud on my face

 

So I watch you as he loves you

And I see your eyes flicker sideways

Although narrow and direct, they burn with emptiness

 

Reviews

[The Lady Anasteja]

there are times when one is just not strong enough to pull away. I don't think this piece is sad in the sense of "boo hoo hoo, my doggie died" however sad in the sense that one would sit while the flame fades, and hold on to convenience. we should never settle for contentment. that said - you painted a clear picture.

[Bubo]

This is a powerful piece, packed with imagary of a woman who seems regardless of the emotional
upheaval she causes, and your pain in being drawn in to that, and the way you write is compelling.

[Rachel DeHart]

Another beautiful poem.. the battle between the emotions is very convincing and pulling.
I love the flow of the poem, and I can relate to both sides of the story you paint.

[C.B.]

Gorgeous, meaningful write. Sad, and unfortunately, it makes me feel a little disappointed in myself, because I've always been considered the, 'born deceiver'

Great write. :)

[Lia]

This is a beautiful and amazing write..I can relate..Great work! x

[Barbara Walker]

A variety of emotion condensed into a very short poem! Difficult to do, but you managed it quite well! Your imagery is very good and the poem flows well. I thought this was a very good read! eyepoetress

[HoorayForUnderdog]

Wow I can just feel the anger and hurt coming thru the words in this poem. It also quite eerie!

[robin]

How cold you get in the end...seething. It definitely is a voyeur piece...interesting take on the topic. I really liked how each stanza was unpredictable and delectable.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Ouch, in the end a scorcher...well written, strong emotion conveyed. Very compelling. Well done. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Gravedigger]

you said it.

And I see your eyes flicker sideways

Although narrow and direct, they burn with emptiness

its always a shame when love goes to waste on someone who abuses it and doesn't love you back..

I take my hat off to you, sir.