Soul Food

new and improved

now with more leverage

helps with your depression

will payoff your morgage

made of real leather

completely vegan

nothing's made better

You've got to see this

 

A magical mystery made of mystery ingredients

concocted in Columbia, a national secret

Honey and ginseng with a side of synthetics

A medical concoction containing new poly-technics

Handmade in factories for total convenience

Shipped from five days to several more weeks

only twenty payments of nineteen ninety nine

and an extra product included to convince you to buy

comes with another for your bathroom upstairs

perfect for any household, your neighbors will care

choose your color, animal prints too

it'll cheer you up when ever you're blue

just call this number, one eight hundred blank blank

an operator is waiting to extend our thanks

 

New and improved

now with more leverage

helps with your depression

will pay off your morgage

made of real leather

completely vegan

nothing's made better

You've got to see this

You've got to see this

 

Trust us because we are exactly like you

in our hollywood kitchens with the audience zoo

It will chop up your veggies, it will cook through your steaks

keep you warm in the winter, help you go without breaks

make the sun not as bright, cut your commute time in half,

fit any size lamp, pick up every piece of trash

it can be washed in any washer or taken anywhere

Why not think of christmas and buy someone a pair?

Comes in five different sizes twenty different shapes

suitable for any type lifestyle, from mansions to caves

just call this number, one eight hundred blank blank

and operator is waiting to extend our thanks

 

new and improved

now with more leverage

helps with depression

will pay off you morgage

made of real leather

completely vegan

nothing's made better

you've got to see this

 

All of these actors who aren't playing actors

show you how your body could be so much compacter

only five minutes a day, one time a week

your double digit size will shrink to sleek

just a pill before each meal and a glass of water

and before you eat you'll already feel fuller

a blue pill, a red pill, come down the rabbit hole

Where the box and string traps steal your soul

So just call this number, one eight hundred blank blank

an operator is waiting to extend our thanks