hook...

long long night, hard fought day

i am the fish

the stupid stupid fish

that will always take the bait

 

each time!

 

i am pulled upwards

fast!

gasping for air

struggling to break free

as the hook is once again ripped

away from my face

from my body

 

thrown!

plummeting

landing hard as i break through the surface

discarded like waste

used up and stunned....

 

i flow away.

 

as quckly as i am reminded...

as quickly as i forget...

 

i am the fish

the stupid stupid fish

waiting for the sparkle of the lure

to catch my eye

 

and each time

i will always take the bait 

Author's Note

don't ask about this one. long long story...

Reviews

[Libby McKeown]

I like the rhythm and interesting pauses of this work. The first stanza introduces this nonchalant flow, then BAM! "each time"! To surprise and upset the flow so simply is quite a feat, and very masterful. I bet every single person who reads this got mentally snagged on that one, and everyone who read this aloud had to readjust. That's all kinds of brilliant, and this brilliance of technique and flow translate well into the rest of the poem. The metaphor here is powerful and universal, and while desire is a common theme, I think you developed the metaphor in a sharp and extremely smart way. Excellent work!

[[KL]]

I'm guessing this has something to do with love? Whether it is or not, I like the way you've written this through the eyes and mind of an everyday animal, as opposed to a human.. Liking the use of blank verse as well, good job (: Thanks for sharing =D

[AK]

Won't ask but I get it. Nice job!