perfect...

written from the memory of a dream...

she watches him
he is nothing more than a soul caged in a body that watches

something about him captures her attention, and she becomes amazed
he stares at the passing world through the window.
he sees nothing amazing
life rolls by the glass like a dream flows through the subconscience with no immediate purpose or significance
she feels his thoughts echoing through her own mind--
"do i see as a man standing still as life passes me by, or is the rest of the world standing still while i pass by my life--"
she aches to reach out to him, but as quickly as he was there, he is gone

leaving her alone-
in the still, and the night--
a fading face on a crowded street--
a memory in her heart, a voice in her soul.
if she could only tell him---
if he could only listen--
while he sleeps, she sings to him
hoping her words transend through
hoping he can feel her there --
even though she is gone...
even though he is gone....
once, they were there
at one place, one time,
and in that one moment

existed perfect

 

Author's Note

this is the first of my writings that i am able to part with. i am very self conscious, so please...be sweet! any comment is welcome and appreciated.
thank you.

Reviews

[...]

... spectacular verse ... these lines are absolutely unforgettable ...

she feels his thoughts echoing through her own mind--
"do i see as a man standing still as life passes me by, or is the rest of the world standing still while i pass by my life--"

... and the end is as melancholic as it is magical ...

once, they were there
at one place, one time,
and in that one moment
existed perfect

... exceptional narrative ... you take the reader through a mesmerizing journey ... a simple yet scintillating rendition ... a 100 for that ...

[Libby McKeown]

"in that one moment/ existed perfect" hmmm. The theme you capture here is well portrayed, and very sweet in its imagery. It's one of those things, I think, when words get in the way....