Today

TW: Abuse

He wished for me to never wake up from my awkward nap with my broken neck and tired legs. 

 He told me that I would be the reason to stress him out and kill him early. 

 He hit me, once in the stomach and once in the head, and wished for me to leave this country, this home immediately, not caring that I could not make it by myself. 

Saying his previous concern for me has disappeared and all he wants is for me to leave his sight. 

 He changed his answer and wished to drop me in the middle of the street instead. My horrible mind started planning to use the last of my load to contact anyone I know who to pick me up. 

 He said I should just stay with my lola whose equally as worthless in his eyes because we are both idiots. He mocked me and grounded me immediately. 

Called me stupid, worthless, idiot, annoying, idiot for being narrow-minded. Thinking about worthless things. 

 Shouted in my face as his coughs interrupted his big speech. I stared at the useless tv show blaring from the tiny screen. 

 He told me that he wanted to make an effort to reconnect after our last recent fight where he ignored me. He just rebuilt it after three days worth of ignorance. He just did it because I was his daughter. He says because of this he doesn’t want to try anymore if I would keep making one stupid act of another. Being his daughter isnt enough anymore. 

 He lashed out at my mother, my brother, my sister. He cradled my baby sister and watched Minions upstairs with her. 

 He shouted at me infront of everyone again. Mocking me again and saying that assignments and work means nothing in front of the future. 

 My mom piled in saying that apps are closing. 

 I felt the room closing in that dinner. 

 I heard him call out to my other siblings for dinner, ignoring me. I heard him call me an idiot. Not by name anymore and I dont think he would anytime soon. 

 He grounded me. I dont want to be here. 

 I could feel the awkwardness from my siblings, avoiding me like the plague 

 I could hear my mother’s disappointed tuts and says for me to fix this. 

 My fault. I know it is. 

 But that doesn’t mean I couldnt stop hating him. 

 He said the same things a week ago. Im holding my composure better now. 

 I know how the next week will go. Even if I submit everything I will miss something 

 He will ignore me call me an idiot again everytime we are picked up from school

 Call upon only my sisters 

 Eat silently beside me as I try to hurry up and leave faster 

 Ignore me even more on future events on Christmas and my brother’s birthday where he would leave me alone 

 Maybe he will hit me again