to a hometown that is not necessarily home

it is almost september and anticipation 

rattles in the grass here, 

like a departing train across the tracks. 

school bound childrens' thoughts

heavier than coffins at the local cemetery. 

when i leave i'll think of their dewy faces

as they dig out treasures and replace them

with frayed ribbons and plastic sporks

and i hope their hands will never grow hard

and tired of apologizing, like mine,

white from scrubbing away the past

palms blanched and peeling with sorries. 

here, skin is a myth. 

we are in debt to the bark 

of newly planted trees. 

when i arrived everything seemed to wave hello--

incoming tide, moon leaning in my direction, 

bright pastel skies and marzipan wishes,

an easy welcome. 

now my natural rhythm is atrophy.

the hellos are echoes as my bedroom salutes me

lights itself on fire in a flutter of swan song.

the land waves good bye, too, 

but it is almost september and this town

has a train that only leaves

only leaves. 

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A beautiful piece that I can completely relate to... I like the way that your mind works, because it has a distinct questioning aspect to it. Even when you aren't asking questions, I feel as though you are exploring questions.

This reminds me a lot of the town that I went to high school in (I moved around alot, so I don't really have "one" hometown)...it was a small place, surrounded by fields and people who were content to remain in that place without ever venturing onto the "train that only leaves". Still, looking back, there is a certain nostalgia to it now; it is a part of me, whether I like it or not.

Great writing!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i'm glad you could relate to this piece. the train that only leaves sort of refers to the fact that once you leave a place like this, you look at things differently. so even when you've come back, you're still away.

[highonwords]

this is a nostalgic piece...the descriptions are executed well....thank you for sharing :)

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I think with great writing, at least for me
it becomes transcendent of meaning, in a sense
like watching a dance, and you can't really explain
to yourself why such emotion is being extracted from within
the images are involved and gently put forth
it borders on being fragmented in places
but I like that as contrast, or almost-contrast
or whatever's going on in my perception...
I don't want to try to explain too much to myself or anyone else
I'm mostly just tossing an impression in the air
and letting it take whatever form(s) it wants as it falls
I'll study it after I click "submit.."

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

I have to add that I enjoyed the framework quite a bit

[Dana Alsamsam]

i enjoy your swirling poetic review very much! thank you for stopping by and giving me a read.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

glad to be of service. yw

[Astro]

There's a good mix of youthful exuberance and adult cynicism in this one Dana. Although the thing about trains leaving can be viewed similarly with two attitudes. On the one hand it can be like being left at the station abandoning dreams and weighted by frustrations and emotional baggage. On the other, it is hope, the opportunity to lift oneself from those same bags and ride into the future with excitement at mystery or certainty. Although, few things are certain beyond death and taxes and both of those have recently come into question. This was a great write that will connect with many a reader.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you! i'm actually really glad that's what you got out of it (youthful exuberance mixed with adult cynicism) because that's exactly where i am in my life right now. this piece is actually about leaving for college so you hit the meaning right on the head. there will always be memories here, but once i leave i'll never come back the same. thanks again :)

[Astro]

You're welcome Dana, good luck in College.

[DarkBeauty]

Love the way you conveyed your word choice of description to get the message of the poem across,nicely done!!

[Luke L]

lovely stuff I like your style, sparing yet beautiful :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thanks for stopping by to give me a read!

[Luke L]

you're welcome :)

[Corset]

absolutely brilliant Dana, for personal reasons I enjoyed stanza three the best, ha, but seriously all around magnificent write, the only things is...the train only leaves, but it never goes anywhere either.

[Dana Alsamsam]

so true, i love your insight and thanks for the review!

[Richard]

I loved that you "think of their dewy faces" because this is a great big deep poem and that really made me happy personally that line :)
I'm a bad reviewer I'm sorry

[Anand Sehgal]

school bound childrens' thoughts
heavier than coffins at the local cemetery.

so realistic imagery. great work