assonance of dissonance

you slipped me into a corner

of your already feeble heart

like a raven being tucked

into the witching hour's covert veneer.

you told me that one day  

i may show my cimmerian feathers

against the open light

and expand from my corner 

with mahogany furnishings

and maybe even some wind chimes

so every time we felt love

there would be an 

assonance of dissonance

to ring around the emptiness. 

you slipped me into a corner

and put up the accordion divider

while you fell in love 

with the accessible girl 

on the other side of the coffee shop. 

you subconsciously etch the lyrics

to our song into your Styrofoam cup

while you admire her dark eyes

wide curves and soft hands

and feel a subtle, indistinct malady

from the corner of your heart

you slipped me into a corner. 

the wind chimes echo back

silent. 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I know that you said that nothing that you have written this summer has been published, but I would have to think if you keep writing like this, its just going to be a matter of time, because this piece is stunning. One of the things that jumped out to me right away is your word choice. Words such as covert, cimmerian, mahogany, accordion...they really pop. They paint vivid images that leave vibrant imprints with the reader.

I liked your repetition of "you slipped me into a corner." Those lines really evolved as the piece progressed.

Great simile about the raven in the first stanza. Also, wonderful wordplay with assonance of dissonance...wonderful job using assonance in that word play. I smiled when I saw how you used that in this piece...such talent.

My favorite part of this one though is the fourth stanza in this piece, and the image of etching those lyrics into the Styrofoam cup was awesome.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for all of your kind words! i wish poetry reviewers liked my work as much as you do :)

[Clockwork]

Well, I'm probably going to work with my college literary magazine, and I think we will accept submissions from people outside of the university this year. If we do, would you like me to let you know?

One day I think that at least a few poetry reviews will like your work as much as I do :-)

[Dana Alsamsam]

yea definitely let me know! i want to get my work out there in any way possible. thank you :)

[Clockwork]

Alright, I will let you know a few weeks after I get back to school. I may get the poetry editor position for my senior year.

[kublakhan27]

Approaching this from the alternate gender's point-of-view, I relate to the resignation of this piece all too well...you're always so eloquent in getting your emotions across, but not without that slight bit of bite that I perceive in many of your works...this is poetry that is sad and lovely at the same time, but I suppose that is the essence of poetry itself, which you have a great grasp of :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

i try to understand from his side as well as mine, but it still hurts for both of us. thank you so much for your always kind words. they mean a lot!

[kublakhan27]

I understand wholeheartedly...always a pleasure :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

First of all, love the title...great wordplay. As for the piece...creative and deep, as I have come to expect from you. Love the imagery in the first and last stanzas; fantastic. The rest was great as well, there was nothing that I did not enjoy. Your language was particularly beautiful. Bittersweet...but absolutely beautiful.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you do much sarah!!

[Frieda P]

Clever word play in your title Dana, it drew me in immediately. Reads more like heartbreak and angst than harmony, promises broken that tear relationships apart. Love the silent wind chimes in closing,

[Dana Alsamsam]

yea it's one of those things that's bittersweet but i know it's right...thank you frieda!

[Frieda P]

Ahhh bittersweet is always a challenge, my pleasure Dana!